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Thursday, September 8, 2011

Wasted Days And Wasted Nights

psst... I'm writing this line in February of 2014 and wondering why some blog I wrote in September of 2011 is suddenly popular again for the first time. Okay... back to the original blog:

I haven't done much about my own life in Japan in a while - I was having too much fun writing about former and current Miss Universe Japan contestants.

So... tell ya what... I'll do stuff about my life every once in a while... say once every Thursday, and bring facts and fun stuff to you about Japan.

I'm an ego maniac, but I also care about teaching you guys something.

Why do I write about my life of 20 years ago here? Well... it helps teach me many things about what life was like for a gaijin (foreigner) living in Japan, plus it helps me focus on what is going on around me in 2011, believe it or not. Same crap, different era?

I'm going to combine a couple of days here:

Sunday, October 13, 1991. I awake in Mibu, Tochigi-ken, Japan with my ex-girlfriend Ashley (from Georgia, USA) lying beside me on the floor of Cathy's (from Bath, England) apartment. Cathy likes me and had been playing footsie and more last night while I pounded booze to forget that I ever slept with her and to forget that I'm at a party with my ex-girlfriend, when I should be back in Ohtawara-shi (my adopted hometown) trying to meet some willing and able young Japanese woman to teach English too. That's my euphemism for sex - at least for today's blog.

I'm an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, and have been here in Japan for 15 months. I've had a great time living and working with the Japanese folk, who have, while not necessarily treated me as an equal, have treated me better than that. It's like I am their guest in this country, so they feel obligated to look out for me.

I appreciate that.

I also appreciate that there are many women here who will sleep with me, but I get the sneaking suspicion that there are a lot of mother's and father's who don't want me anywhere near their sex-starved daughters.

That's okay... I'm sure that's true of parents damn near everywhere. You're a great guy Andrew, but we don't want you sleeping with our daughter.

But, like in life, nature finds a way.

It's raining hard today. I squeeze some toothpaste into my mouth and use my finger as a toothbrush, gargle with a shot of Southern Comfort and I'm ready to take on the world - except that I have bed head. I hate bed head messing up my hair.

Ashley does the same, but turns on the water faucet instead. Huh! And she calls herself a southerner?!

Cathy must still be passed out, so we tip-toe past a few other drunken AETs and make our way out and over to the train station and head north for home.

It's still raining when we arrive in Nishinasuno-machi where Ashley lives, so I have a soggy 25-minute bicycle ride back to my apartment in Ohtawara-shi (City of Ohtawara).

I enter, strip and then sleep from 11AM to 4PM when that bastard friend of mine - Matthew calls to see how I survived the night. He's a great guy despite his penchant for bad timing and phone calls.

I'm unsure where Karen was last night. She also wants to sleep with me - but only after we are boyfriend girlfriend, and while I want the sex, I'm unsure I want or need her commitment to me.

Matthew can tell that I am too out of it to talk - probably could smell my distillery-like breath through the phone - and wisely keeps the conversation short.

I don't have a drinking problem.

I drink. Get drunk and fall down. No problem.

Sorry... that's an old joke... but then, this is an old story. I don't drink at home by myself... only when I'm with others, it seems. Unfortunately, I don't get to spend a lot of time by myself. Unfortunately, says my liver. The rest of me is pretty damn sure it's enjoying itself immensely.

Besides, aside from the lack of sleep and copious quantities of imbibed fermented products, I don't get hang-overs. So in truth, I never learn a lesson.

Since I'm up, I clean up the place a bit, relax, have bacon and eggs for dinner and watch old videos of western television.

It's a lost day in the annals of Andrew.

Oh... but two of my fish decided that with me out of the apartment yesterday, that would be the perfect time to die. One large calico goldfish was lying dead at the bottom of my aquarium, and a large lionhead that would have cost me $100 back in Toronto (but only $10 converted here) has jumped out of the tank to kill itself. Perhaps in a fit of despair at the thought of losing its buddy the calico.

Or maybe, the chocolate oranda goldfish finally had enough and killed the calico and the lionhead and tossed the lionhead out of the tank either before he began smelling up the place or to make it look like a suicide. He might have wanted to do the same to the calico goldfish... but I came home too soon.

I think my goldfish hate me.

Proof of that can be found on these two old blogs showing a comic book story I wrote about them. Stupid sushi. STORY1 and STORY2

Somewhere my brain hurts,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Freddy Fender: BADHAIR

PS: I know I said I was going to combine a few days... but dammit... I made a four-line entry in my diary into this massive blog entry.

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