This is the city. The city of Izu in Shizuoka-ken (Shizuoka Prefecture), Japan. My name is Joe Seph. I'm a gaijin (foreigner). This isn't my city, and I'm not a police detective here. After you read this story, you'll realize why few people admit to being involved in law enforcement here any more.
Our tale of murder and mayhem - mostly mayhem - begins early one morning after two kennel owners were walking some of their dogs in the forested area of Izu. The dogs began barking and fighting with each other. The kennel owners became suspicious because they only do that over a bone.
Approaching carefully, they saw what looked like a body rightly wrapped in a sleeping bag, with chains around the neck, waist and ankles. Hair from the head was also visible.
Not wanting to disturb the crime scene, the kennel owners and dogs quickly moved away and called the local police.
Local police consisting of 15 officers were quickly on the scene and cordoned off the area in anticipation of the medical examiner and police detectives.
And here's where things get stupid.
It sure looks like a grim murder... and that's what the local police told local news reporters who were clamoring for an interesting story. Local news quickly informed the national news - a chain-clad body wrapped in a sleeping bag found in a forested area of Izu! Could this be the work of some deranged serial killer.
In this case, that would have been highly preferable.
Meanwhile, police at the crime scene began interrogating as many people as they could get their hands on in the area to see if they were either party to the madness or may have seen something highly suspicious - like someone dragging a plastic wrapped body to the bushes.
As well... newspaper photographers and local TV had arrived on the scene and were snapping as many photographs as possible of the crime scene - yes, from afar - in preparation of the evening news.
By noon, detectives were on the scene, and with the medical examiner, they took the body away to the forensic department and there, they began to cut away the material covering the corpse.
It should be noted that the investigators on the scene did feel through the sleeping bag and were able to determine that the victim was a female. Boobs, we suppose.
Investigators on the scene felt the wrapped figure from the outside but never actually looked inside the sleeping bag before it was unwrapped for a post-mortem examination.
While there was no puking, after the wrapping was removed, the body - a female - was actually discovered to be a life-like sex doll, made of a soft-to-the-touch rubber.
A visibly discouraged police spokesman was forced by the Izu police to issue a public apology to the media for the misinformation. Much bowing and prostration was observed.
Still... the police spokesperson stressed that the Izu police officers all acted according to instructions in which no one should approach the corpse before forensics.
Still, with some keen detective work, the Izu police were able to locate the doll's original (we hope) owner.
The murdered doll, according to the Asahi Shimbun (Asahi Newspaper) had a sophisticated dark brown wig, a blouse and a skirt, but it had appeared to suffer some trauma to her vagina... though rape was ruled out.
While the victim's identity has yet to be confirmed, the man who dumped the lifeless body in the woods was caught after neighbors saw him trying to dispose of the body in the woods, but in typical fashion thought nothing about calling the police at that time, and only revealed such information after detectives canvased the neighborhood.
Confessing, the man who dumped the lifeless sex doll said he did not want to dispose of his beloved partner in the regular trash for fear of scandal, and decided on the less gruesome 'body-in-the-woods' method.
Apparently the sick bastard had worn her out and was after a younger partner.
“It was an incredibly irresponsible act,” exclaimed angry but over-zealous Izu police officers.
The photo above, is a police recreation of the actual doll under a sleeping bag - though without the chains. May she rest in peace.
Somewhere in the Dollhouse,