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Saturday, December 24, 2011

How to Date Japanese Women

How to date Japanese women? Geez... it's like they are a different species from whatever type of woman you have around you in your country. Or at least, that is what people think.

But, I suppose you want to know how, which is why you are here... and I have, in my day, done a lot of 'dating' of Japanese women.

In keeping up with things, I have updated this blog a wee bit, as of May 2016. I will state, that a lot of you are certainly vocal in your opinion on things, have asked many interesting question, while other like to troll around anonymously and further demonstrate via racism and stupidity why the human race continues to have wars and murders - ignorance.

That's not what we are about here on this blog.

As mentioned, while I was in Japan, I dated a lot of Japanese women. In most instances, I was asked out—no effort required.

How did I manage that? 

There is a trick, you see. Ah... but read on. perhaps you will learn something.

Looking within the Internet, there are many sites that purport to help you meet real Japanese women. That's all well and good if you are willing to spend a few bucks, and if it works for you, coolio.

But here... let me break down a few free bits of information I found on-line, and then provide you with a sure-fire way of getting a real Japanese woman. Uh-uh. No skipping ahead. I will know.

I found a survey asking Japanese women between the ages of 20-40 how they rated a man on a first date—or any date for that matter.

First off: there are 40-year-old single Japanese women??!! Who knew?! I figured their parents and Japanese societal pressures would have them all married off before they became old maids at the age of 28!!

I should point out here, that Japanese people in general are no longer seeing the benefits of marriage, let alone dating or even having sex with a spouse or significant other. 

There's a current feeling of moral meh-ness that exists in Japan nowadays... but mostly among the Japanese... there's still a healthy contingent of horny gaijin/foreigners out there who are doing their damndest to try and get Japan up and horny again.

Japan is currently in a negative birthrate spiral... and with little to zero immigration, Japan's population is getting older, and older, not to mention fewer and fewer.

Anyhow... sexual boredom aside, lets instead look at the people who might still want to have sex or date... because as gloomy as a negative birthrate seems, there are still a lot of Japanese men and women who are interested in dating, sex and procreation. 

So... a survey of 20-40-year-old Japanese women rating a man on a date:  

These women were provided with a multiple choice question on what was important to them on a date. Here are the results:
1. Driving  - 64.8 percent

2. Deciding the type of date - 55.6 percent

3. Seeing her home - 48.8 percent

4. Deciding where to dine - 42.6 percent

5. Paying for the meal - 38.3 percent
If you want a successful date, you as the man, not only do you need to choose what you are going to do on a date (decide for both of you), pick her up in your white car (that bicycle won't cut it), pay for the meal and everything you do, drive her home (don't have her take a bus, train or cab)—or in other words, there is no such thing as a woman who is 'free for the evening'. The way to succeed according to these women surveyed is to: drive, pay and drop.
Drive. Pay. And Drop. Easy to remember... and it sure sounds a heck of a lot like what men used to do in the old days of forever when they were trying to woo a woman. Before cars, assume a horse and carriage, or even just walking up and escorting them to and fro. I have no problem with this. It's old-fashioned, sure... but Japan is a bit old-fashioned sometimes. Your author is old-fashioned, but doesn't mind if a woman wants to pay her own way either. I'd rather pay, however, especially on a first date. Allow me to pay for the hotel, rather than expect us to fog up my white car.

Japanese men were also asked the same questions—but surprise, surprise, Japanese men—some 65.3 percent of them—wanted the woman to decided what the date should consist of (walk, movie, drinks, etcetera). while 56.5 percent also thought it would be nice if the woman would also decide where they should eat.... that way, if they go where they want to go, she's happy and the guy will be too. Few men chose any of the other answers implying they were good with driving et al.

The Japanese man answer, while on the surface seems smart, shows a distinct lack of confidence, according to my friend Mister Manfred Mann, a noted global sexsmith and former blogger who got bored after achieving two million hits in two years of writing. Bastard. It took me six years to get there...

Anyhow, MMM says that the results show that a woman wants the man to chose, while the man would like the woman to choose - uh, guys... who holds all the cards in dating? Usually the woman. She doesn't have to go out with you again - even if you ask. Guys... listen to what the women want.    

But this only tells you what to do on a date with a real Japanese woman. Not how to meet one or go out on a date with one.

According to Francis K. Githinji, an on-line dating expert (how the hell does one become an expert and have the balls to call oneself an expert?! - I should ask Mister Manfred Mann about that. I'm pretty sure he only went to the school of hard knockers), the first thing one needs to do is to figure out WHERE you can meet real Japanese women.

He notes that you can meet a Japanese girl at a nomikai (a party attended by friends or co workers)—a place to meet new friends or dates. He says a nomikai can take place at an izakaya (a bar or a cafe).

If you are not Japanese (like the expert, sexsmith or author) you probably have never attended such parties and, they may not be known to you anyway. More often than not, nomakai are for the Japanese only.
 
Truth is, the Japanese men don't want you there spoiling their chances of meeting a real Japanese woman.
Aside from teaching English at a night school (why do you think young Japanese women want to learn English? It's to meet people and make new friends, and if he's cute, then maybe something more), or at a bar, Githinji says the best way to meet women is on-lie... I mean on-line. He says you need special preparation if you want your relationship with a real Japanese woman go anywhere.

But, screw the Internet... let's look at what we can do in the real world.

First off, many Japanese women will not admit to having a boyfriend unless specifically asked.

Githinji says that Japanese women (he actually uses the term 'girls' - sorry dude, you don't want a girl—you want a woman!) have, for us foreigners, an exciting mystery in their eyes which makes them irresistible.

"Their culture is one of the most exciting in the world and, you have a lot to gain when you date a Japanese girl. Apart from placing a lot of value on family life, Japanese girls are brought up to show respect in service and humility. Therefore, when dating a Japanese girl, you need to step up and know what to do. First, there is a notion that these girls want to be treated differently. You do not have to furnish your act with traditional ways of winning her. This is because you are dealing with a modern girl who is in touch with her roots and culture. Therefore, you do not have to impress her with extra ordinary displays; she is good feeling like the rest of the human kind. A Japanese girl appreciates courtesy from a man."

That is B.S., as well as correct.

Rule number one when dating a woman—any woman—is that they are people. It doesn't matter if they are Japanese, Romanian, Canadian - whatever... the point is, people are people, and if most women—regardless of ethnic make-up—want to be swept off their feet.

They want romance. Passion. Physical and sexual attraction. Pheromones. They want what they want.
There is nothing so different between a Japanese woman and a woman situated anywhere else in the world. Even if you are in some place in the world where being a great hunter or a fisherman is key, is it really so different from having a good job and being a provider? No. It's all about perspective.

Still... there are some nuances with Japanese women, which has more to do with Japanese society than anything else.

Whether you are with a single woman or married woman or your male Japanese buddies, it is imperative that when at a bar or party you take the time to notice when their glass is getting low. On a date, you need to be the type of man who reacts quickly to that glass. It helps build confidence - that you are paying attention to her needs. So... pay attention to her. Don't just be trying to snake your arm up her dress - it's not staying there unless you REALLY pay attention to HER and her NEEDS.

Language. It helps if you can speak a few words in her language, as it shows you are willing to make a commitment to her here in Japan. It's the rare foreigner indeed who will spend his life in Japan, but the woman doesn't need to realize that right now. It's simply showing you care enough about the person to learn some of their native tongue.

I didn't know much Japanese—even after three years in Japan—but I did know some. I could carry on simple conversations... but after asking about the weather or how they were, I was pretty much bereft of Japanese language skills. But... the fact that I made an effort, knew how to smile, act helpless (it was NO act), seemed to bring out the mothering instincts in all the Japanese women I came across (and I came across a lot).

In a so-called male dominated world—Japan—having a man... a gaijin man... needing help and not expecting it like the Japanese men tended to do (not all, but most)—well... I, and other gaijin men  was an exciting change of pace.

Still... trying to speak Japanese is key. Doing so with a sense of humor also helps.         

Hell, when I dated a Russian woman, I learned how to say about 10 key phrases. It was okay, she spoke English, but again, a little effort goes a long way. It was the same for the German chick, the Norwegian, Swiss, French, Polish, Ukrainian, Lithuanian... hell... I've driven my panzer through more of eastern Europe than Hitler did.

Githinji says you should: "Get to know more about her; this will enable you know exactly what she likes and dislikes. You will not have to speculate anymore. To get her attention, show her funny pictures in your cell phone. The pictures can be of your pet or yourself. Offer to send her your pictures from her phone. This will make the mood light as you move on to make a special connection. The key is to be the bigger man who is thoughtful and full of initiative. With these pointers, you should be in a position to get any girl and most importantly, a Japanese girl."

Pretty effin' basic, huh? Seriously... aside from the filling of the glass routine, it was simply doing everything one might do to impress a woman from Spain, Thailand or Australia. Common courtesy.

I still don't have a cellphone, and even if I did, I wouldn't bother trying to impress a woman with stupid photos from it.

No... I would try and impress a woman with my manner of talk, with the subject of my talk, and ability to discern if my talk is something she would be interested in continuing with me.

"Hey, how about that Japanese baseball game last night?"

If you hear crickets, you can be sure she's not interested in talking sports with you, or doesn't like baseball. Or, she's not all that into you.

If she says "What happened?" in that game, she's a keeper. Don't screw things up.


Anna Santos also put out some tips on how a western man can date a Japanese woman. She doesn't sound Japanese, but who am I to judge. :)-

She correctly notes that Japanese dating culture must be looked into when you are considering a date with a real Japanese woman. Research is important—which is what I'm doing here for you with this whole freaking blog these past six years.

Says Santos: "To date someone means there is a note for making efforts on knowing each other and establishing the person you want to be known by your date and vice versa. By knowing each other, part of their culture always come on top which can either be amazing or disgusting. Dating can eliminate or maximize differences of two persons. When two persons of extremely opposite background meet, is there any chance that they will start a relationship? The answer must be found starting from the date itself."

Crappy English aside, she makes a point. She talks about the Asian belief (a key part of the Japanese dating culture) on the strong bond between families and the values that the families keep. "Japanese have high respect for elders and parents. They value above all, the concerns of their beloved family members. Hence, one can expect that a date with Japanese women can sometimes be held at their home to make time for conversation with the parents and siblings. The families' comments can have a big influence on any relationship."

Ye cats! A first date at the parent's house? Run away! Run away! Maybe after you've had a few dates—but never the first. This is the 21st century... and even though we are talking about Japan, your first date should be about you and her.

You don't need to impress her and her family on the same awkward, scary first date! Chances are very good that during the first date (alone), you will be asked about your family. She'll judge you on your responses regarding the love shared by you and your family. Got a lousy family? Fine—mention it, but talk to her about how you wish things were different and describe HOW you might make it different. Don't be surprised if she tries to convince you to make it better. That's neither here nor there... you can do as she asks or not. This is still the first date.

Punctuality is a major factor in dating in Japan. Regular readers have read about how one person leaves my place and then my secret girlfriend would magically show up at my doorstep. Punctual. As well, I recall a typhoon sweeping across the western part of Japan... a massive sucker. Trains were delayed by five or 10 minutes. The next day the train company put in a full page ad in the national newspapers (English ones, too) apologizing for the fact that there was a delay. Typhoon or not, be punctual on your date.

Seriously... why are you late? The trains all run on time... no... it's you NOT caring enough about the woman to be on time.

It sounds strange to a man, but to a Japanese woman—this is important. Noboko used to nod at me with a grim look as I would meet her someplace at the correct agreed upon time... that she was surprised that I, a stupid gaijin, could tell time. Noboko, despite her short stature and hot, good looks, could have a temper—I love a bit of spice... it keeps me in check... but like any spice, too much and I'm not eating it.

Guys... the reverse does NOT hold true. Okay, it might for Japanese women - again, everyone likes to be on time, but for most all other cultures, a man may indeed have to wait for a woman, and when she finally does appear, he should act like it was no big deal. 

It isn't a big deal... unless she was off boffing some other guy... anyhow... don't be late, and for god's sake don't text her telling her you are on your way—unless she asked you to.

Santos notes that the manner of dress is important, too. "As seen on television, Japanese people have a very astonishing yet unique clothing fashion. Some men can dress like women, wearing long jackets that can look like skirts yet they look very distinguished and very fashionable. Dress to impress but do not overdo it. Exaggeration is another thing. As the culture of clothing design in Japan has recently come to unparalleled heights, there is always the median eye of the common person to judge whether the clothing combination you have is in or out."

As an assistant English teacher (AET) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, I felt as though I was an ambassador for my country (Canada) to Japan. Yeah, I'm still going to try and get laid, but there's nothing wrong with sounding and acting and dressing well to achieve that moist pursuit.

Dress for success.

I always wore to work (school) dress shoes, pants and shirts and always wore a tie, exchanging dress coats for sweaters when the weather turned frigid. When I grew my hair long, I always wore a hair band colored to match my coat or my shirt.

It sounds stupid... but in Japan—especially in its schools—the men don't dress very well. Suits for a while, and then track suits afterwards... I didn't have to change into a track suit, so I looked good in a suit and tie, all the time.

When I grew a beard, I made sure I trimmed it every day... the point was to look kempt. Wan to stand out? Dress well, and groom yourself properly and tidily.

Here's another point Santos examined: work reputation. "If you really want a Japanese girl, make sure that you have a good title and a good working background because this will be totally checked by her. After all, an industrious man is always preferred by girls of every race because it ensures security and wealth."

For your almost humble writer, being a foreigner in Japan is a cause enough for excitement among the locals. As is going over on a business exchange. Bartending versus teaching English... tough one. The bartenders I met were all handsome blokes from New Zealand and Australia - but they were there to screw and make money. Teachers like myself - those that were trying - were there to soak up some culture, make a few bucks and hopefully find love. Oh yeah - and to screw the brains out of the local population. Let's be honest here.

Being a popular teacher with a great sense of humor and getting involved in the local community? Jackpot!

Sex trade, bartending, teaching... maybe some sort of business exchange involving technology or automation... that's pretty much it...

Although I was a teacher in Japan, I had quite my job as a newspaper reporter with the Toronto Star... quitting to come to Japan... wow, Andrew, you must really have wanted to go to Japan. Yeah. Sure. No, I didn't. But after arriving, I didn't want to leave.

But... being a newspaper reporter - at least back then - it was a big deal to the Japanese.

To Noboko, she initially saw me as a slickster, and probably wondered if I lied about being a newspaper man.

Other women enjoyed the newspaper man title as well as the fact that I appeared slick. I wasn't aware that I was slick, but I probably had become slick over the course of three years in Japan. If I wasn't aware, does that make me slick?

But there was dating... and then there was trying to date Noboko. With her... it was different. If you are reading this blog, I'll assume you are looking for your own version of Noboko.  

She (Santos) also acknowledges that learning the Japanese language is important. Personally, I did not even try to date a Japanese woman until I felt confident enough in the language so that I could communicate - even at a grade 1 level. Look - chances are pretty good they already know some English, so together you can muddle around and enjoy each other's company.

Here's some advice I found on another site. To me, it's all pretty general, and can be applied to any culture in the world...I have amended it. 
  • Pick a nice restaurant. D'uh. Ask a few questions beforehand and find out what types of foods she likes. You may assume that Japanese women like Japanese foods - true, but the Japanese young adults of today are more open-minded when it comes to trying new and different cuisines, like French and other European cooking—which to me doesn't sound all that adventurous, but whatever. The site says that Japanese girls (women) love clean, light, aesthetic dishes, so you need to get more info related to her before you lock onto which restaurant you want to take her to.
  • Spent some money to dress yourself up. Most Japanese women like to dress up and groom themselves a particular way. In the same way, they will expect their date to also dress up properly - respect can beget nookie.
  • Act like a gentleman. (Don't use the term 'nookie'.) Something like opening a car door; moving the seat out for her at a table; hold a door open anywhere... treating her well shows you really care about her. Not only for Japanese women, though - but for all women.... and for god's sake hold a door open for everybody, regardless of sex or age.
  • Take your time. Japanese women do not like to rush into anything physical. Don’t pressure her, especially on the first date. Do not make your first date a rush, as Japanese women do not like to be rushed - or any woman for that matter. Did I repeat myself? I tend to rush when I write.
  • Understand the cultural heritage of Japan. You can try to ask some questions about her family and how she grew up and what her happiest childhood memory is. Despite the over-worked father who is never around, the amount of school work and the harried mother, the family unit is extremely important to Japanese society.
  • Communication can always be a problem when dating Japanese women, but it can be overcome. Teach her new phrases and words in your language - and she'll do the same for you. Ask her what she knows about knows about your country and how she feels about it. In this way, you can teach her more about you and your culture.
That thing about first date sex pressure? Well, for the women who asked me out, there was no pressure, except in my pants. And not for long. We all knew what the date was for.

Not Noboko... I asked her out. I did not pressure her at all. I didn't even try for a goodnight kiss... and to be honest... I can't recall right now if she gave me one or if I had to wait for the next date.

I acted the gentleman. I cooked dinner for her. She came, surprisingly, to my apartment, but the point is... despite all the warning signs going of in her head telling her to have a date in public, she was more afraid of what the public would say about her being with me, than what I could possibly do to her. And I still did nothing... because I knew all that aforehand...

I had been chasing her for weeks.... I knew she liked me enough to finally accept my offer of dinner - she could have said no...

So... why jump the gun (Noboko was the gun)? I could wait. But... I did tell her that I would like to see her again.  That I would like to buy her dinner.

So at least that was out there.


 So... have you noticed a pattern here on how to date Japanese women? Yes... aside from learning a bit about the language and social customs... you should learn about the likes and dislikes of her and take the lead when it comes to arranging where and when to date. And then treat her with respect. All pretty simple and basic stuff.

To be honest, if you aren't doing this stuff already in Japan or whatever country you are in, you aren't dating a woman very well.

You want my advice on how to get a real Japanese woman - or any woman for that matter? Take an interest in her. Much like when you are buying a car or a new television, you do some research. It's called asking questions and taking an interest.

You also have to ask one out. But how do you know you won't get rejected?

Guys... the first time I met Noboko Kikuchi (surname last, this one time), I was smitten by that kitten. Gorgeous creature. She was smart - an English teacher at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) and spoke English as well as I did. I found out her name from another teacher and went over to introduce myself. That done, I went back to my desk and composed a haiku poem for her, walked back to her desk and gave it to her.

To say that she was less than impressed (at least visually) would be a complete under-statement. Somethings, and especially some women, are worth waiting for. That doesn't means sitting on your ass hoping she will call you. It means using everything you have - a sparkling personality, sense of humor, intelligence, charm, good looks, all of the above or only one of the above... or whatever it is that you think is special about you (and please don't say your penis... every man has one... save that for later) and quietly show it off.

For myself, I was lucky that all of the students at this school knew she was pretty and knew I really liked her (probably that drool and wolf eye I have) - so they would constantly talk me up to her even when I wasn't there. Hmmm. I guess I owe them a Coke. Why did they do that for me? Because I had shown them that I was more than just a gaijin (foreigner)... that I was somebody worth getting to know.

She eventually came around - mostly because she realized that if these children loved me enough to stick their neck out, perhaps there was more to me than simply being a slick hustler. That's what she thought I was.

Turns out, I was pretty brash, but a 'diamond in the rough' (her words) and was still pretty nice. I knew I had her when I invited her to my place for dinner and cooked it for her, talked to her nicely, showed her a good time and talked mostly about her. I bet she was really surprised that I made no move whatsoever on her. But... that one kiss she gave me moved the continents closer. That's when I asked if she would like to go out for dinner sometime. She smiled and said she had my phone number.

Cool huh? I never gave her my phone number. She must have asked someone.

Oh... and I didn't have a car. But that's okay. There's nothing wrong with being driven on a date. Women have put up with it for eons.

There's one last thing... as a gaijin/foreigner male seeking to date a Japanese woman - regardless of the situation... I knew how to flirt, and I could flirt anytime and anywhere... the point being I didn't have to be as concerned about Japanese social situations as the Japanese did—I'm just a stupid gaijin.   
It has its advantages.

For example... I used to flirt with Noboko in her English classrooms... there would be an exchange of glances, hushed whispers in English... a light touch of my hand to her clothed upper sleeve, a smirk... the students noticed... the girls did, I'm sure, but as long as Noboko didn't care, neither did I.

The point is... I cared when she cared. To be fair, she also cared about what I cared about, but in the grand scheme of dating et al, she held all the cards—especially that ace in the hole. yes, I was being 'dirty'.   

Anyhow... You too can date a real Japanese woman (or any woman for that matter). Be cool. Be yourself. Don't be in a rush and learn about each other. Respect her and she will respect you.

Good luck in your endeavors.

by Andrew Joseph
PS: Should you be looking for some advice on how to be a man around women, might I suggest you check out my friend Mister Manfred Mann's blog: How To Survive Women. If you aren't careful, you might learn something.

87 comments:

  1. Man this is amazing, I have to say i'm impressed, I have to say you are not another player, and that's waht I like about this article, cause you really care about woman, I end up her because of the pretty girl picture yo have above the article , i never thought i could learn something, I'm larning japanese now i know some english, and spanish is my native lenguage, and I always have problems to ask a woman go out hopefully this will help, PS sorry for my bad english

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your English is fine, my friend. I understood everything - and that's the most important part about communicating and communication. I hope it helps you asking out a woman. Just keep smiling - not too much teach... and as my mom always said - don't tell a woman everything about yourself so early... it's good to be a bit mysterious.
      Cheers!

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    2. Oh... and check out: http://howtosurvivewomen.blogspot.ca/
      I know the guy who writes it. Lots of good advice in general about men and women and fun jokes and cartoons too.

      Delete
    3. Oh... and in my first reply to you... I meant 'teeth' not 'teach'. Man... I have to learn how to type or write or how to communicate better :)

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    4. Hi, I´m pretty glad I was able to found your blog again a few days ago, and I'm just as excited reading as the first time I've found about it. Still having troubles asking women out, but hopefully I'll learn in the process, always a joy to read you, btw you writte a lot, maybe I should try some writting to, Regards.

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    5. On heatfeel dating site you can date japanse women :)

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  2. thank you, so much for your reply, I'll check the blog and of course keep reding this. greetings from guatemala

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No problem. If I can offer any advice, you only have to ask.
      Cheers

      Delete
  3. "..who am I to judge...."
    "Crappy English aside........."

    lovely! I like your style.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I noticed a whole bunch of typos (no caps when there should be one, and actual typos - because I have no idea to type - though I do do about 60 mistakes a minute! What sort of writer has no idea how to type?!
      I appreciate you taking the time to drop me a line, and to have spent the time reading the blog.
      Cheers oh nameless one!

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    2. And... thanks to you, I went back and tried to fix my typos... an especially important thing to do when I am dissing someone for their 'crappy English'.
      I hope you keep reading the other articles... some are funny, some are critiques, some are news, some are historical, some are merely informative. Hopefully there is something for everyone! People like you - readers - inspire me. I really do appreciate the comments!

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  4. great article, loved the humour in this :)

    a quick question, any tips on how to distinguish a typical 'yes' (because they are polite but didnt mean it) or a real 'yes' when asking them questions such as date, bf, etc?

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    Replies
    1. Hi! Thanks! It is possible that things have changed dramatically in the ensuing years, but perhaps not a hell of a lot.
      It is true that the Japanese are polite. That can be a problem. If you can call politeness a problem, of course.
      I did not really have an issue with a woman saying they would go out on a date with me when all they wanted was a friend. I'm a pretty straight-up guy (ha-ha) so I have asked a woman if she has a boyfriend, and if not, is she looking for one. I have asked if they have ever dated a foreigner before. I have then asked if they would like to.
      Sometimes things just aren't going to work out. You might both be on that 1st date interested in taking it to a more formal level of boyfriend-girlfriend, but for whatever reason, she might not want to after the first date. It could be cultural differences, or merely personality differences. Stuff happens. You both may have had a great first date and want more, but what if her family finds out or has girlfriends that don't approve? There is pressure put on her, and while she is so polite to completely break it off, she will at least be your BF.
      Nobuko, to whom I was engaged, refused to tell her parents. She not only refused to tell them we were engaged, but would not even tell them we were going out. I was, when invited for family dinner, the poor gaijin who couldn't cook, and was lonely and just needed a friend. No one could know. Certainly not school where we taught. My bosses at the board of education knew - and were happy for me, as they hoped I would stay in their country forever. Around town - we couldn't date... too many students. Too many parents. Too much talk.
      Part of the problem is that when you are a Japanese woman dating a foreign guy, everyone assumes there is sex involved. Even if it is not. A Japanese women (like many women) does not want her reputation sullied. She will hide it. Hell, my American girlfriend Ashley tried to hide it for 2 years... but everyone knew.
      My friend... body language. Is she smiling when she says yes (she likes you). Is there an intake of breath before answering slowly (that means she's not sure about you).
      Does she suggest a place to go? - yes.
      Does she invite a friend? - no.
      Is she busy on the first weekend night you suggest? Maybe.
      The second night you suggest? No. Unless she provides a date herself that is not too far off.
      Want to see if the date is a real one? How is she dressed? Dressed very well - a real date.
      Dressed casually - maybe not.
      Has to be home by 9PM? not.
      Has to be home by 12AM - yes. Many women who are single live at home and have curfews. I said 'many', not 'all'.
      The best advice I can give you is to be honest.
      I really like you and was wondering if we could go on a date."
      After dinner, suggest you go for a walk. If she looks at her watch or says she has to go home - that's a maybe or a no.
      Try and hold her hand. If she pulls away - no. They may be polite, but basic reflexes will win out.
      Here's a good one: After the first date, tell her she can tell you when the next date is. You aren't chasing her (but you are), and if she wants to, she will call you.
      Japan was an eye-opener for me. Prior to that, every woman I went out with (except Bryndis Swan) was a friend or was too polite to not say no... Japan... whole new ball game.
      My advice is not fool-proof obviously. I wish you much success.

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  5. Hi Andrew, again than you for your prompt and made-sense reply!

    If I may share a little bit more, i met this woman from an event (I'll be discreet this time, god forbids her friends stumbled upon this blog).

    After the event, i didnt get a chance to exchange numbers, but i managed to get her email addy. I think the event was quite succesful.

    She said she'll email me the night affer the event, which ended in the afternoon. but she didnt (somehow, i kind of expecting she wont email)

    36hrs after the event, i emailed her asking whether she's free either thu or fri night for dinner and drinks. She not-immediately replied fri night is good for her.

    We then met at a public place (yes yes i know i dont have a car yet lol). I suggested type of food and drinks, she chose the place.

    Dinner was great (me and my one-sided observation, but she agreed, but...). Her dress was smart-casual to the cute side (bad?), no 3rd-wheel present (good), i asked whether she has a bf, she answered no (very good!! but...), has to be home by 10pm (bad).

    After the dinner, i quickly (read:sneakly) picked up the tab. She wasnt too impressed and insisted on paying her half (bad??), but i managed to get away with you pay the next one (good).

    We walked out from the restaurant, and i shoulder-side-hug (the kind guys do when their soccer team wins a game) her in hope lf difussing the situation about her not sharing the bill.

    I remembered i side hugged her lightly and gently for about 15secs and i didnt feel resistance. In fact, after i let go, i noticed our physical distance was still as close as when i hugged her and we walked for about 100 meters to her bus (yes i'm walking her... to her bus stop).

    We didnt plan for 2nd date yet (bad), but this time i got her number (goood). it's been about 36hrs after the date and i still havent heard anything from her (dejavu?).

    I havent email or call her yet as i find it interesting that i keep having to initiate conversation (read:emails).

    I would like to hear hour take on this and I'm sorry if I talked too much.

    Thank you again for reading this!

    PS: My personal opinion is politeness, as well as truth, anti-biotics, and WMD may be a problem if used incorrectly :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, my friend... every woman is different, but women typically prefer there to be a chase - it shows you are interested.
      E-mail her now - tell her what a great time you had. Suggest that you would like to go out again.
      There is nothing wrong with trying to get what you want.
      Too much politeness will have you staying home alone.
      Been there, done that.
      I would suggest that next time you escort her all the way home. Out of the way? Tough. It shows you are willing to go that extra mile (kilometer) for her to make sure she gets home safely.
      Don't put too much stock in the 10PM thing. How old is she?
      Yes... you will have to keep initiating... nothing wrong with that. I know you have tried to put the ball in her court, but try again. If not, it's not meant to be.
      Call or e-mail her now.
      Good luck!

      Delete
  6. Thank you for writing this blog. I will be back to read some more.
    Again thank you.

    T.J.M.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi T.J.M.
      Thanks for the message! You are welcome here anytime!
      Cheers!
      Andew

      Delete
  7. I randomly stumbled upon this article while doing a little dating advice digging through the vastness of google, and I have to say it was very helpful. Even at my age now (25, almost 26) I'm still not terribly familiar with the whole dating thing, and seeing a clear, concise run-through on some of the important items to keep in mind was very enlightening. I feel like the next time I pursue romance, regardless of the lady's nationality, I'll do at least a little better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Rob, That's very nice of you to say. It's greatly appreciated and you made my month. Maybe even my year.
      Dating is a bugger. Fraught withe self-doubt, possibility of failure and praying beyond hope for success.
      You know what, Rob? Just be yourself. Your thoughtful comments show you are a decent person with a good heart.
      Best of luck, my friend.

      Delete
  8. When their glass is getting low, pay attention to that, you really want to be her slave and do everything she says to do because inside you are really a wimp of a man and your job is to do exactly what the female tells you to do, it's your training of further things to come, where soon you'll be the sissy boy running around doing everything she says to do all the while she makes fun of you behind your back.........Go go booooooooooyyyyyyy....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would agree with you on that - except IN JAPAN, no matter if you were with male friends, a group of mixed company friends, or that babe you want to date - it is good manners to fill her glass. They know this, and you should, too.
      Besides... you are trying ti impress her... when you are dating, I'm sure all of your bad habits will escape, much like mine own did.
      So... yeah, you can ACT like a sissy boy... but really... who the fug cares if it gets you laid more often than you deserve? It worked for me. Of course... when she wants you to run around and do stuff for her, you don't have too. Filling a glass and doing everything for her (like her pet monkey), are two different things.
      Cheers

      Delete
    2. Hi. Well - my personal experience.

      I had met a young Japanese girl at a local asian market doing fund raising. Twice a year we get folks in doing the same so I am familiar.

      I was taken with her personality - both when I walked in and walked out. I was walking away when I thought - I'm gonna hate myself if I dont ask her about her project (menaing get to know her as well).

      I stopped and asked. We talked for a long while - while having to step aside and let her do fundraising. We exchanged email addresses and talked about where we had been. She mentioned she has visited near here (I'm leaving out where) and saw some museums - she wanted to see more. I told her she should spend more time here and do so. Great place please visit sometime!

      She emailed back - we agreed to see eachother at the same place before she went back to the school.

      We spoke and she asked if she could spend her vacation here - with me - seeing museums. I said yes before I had a chance to say no, and I'm glad I did.

      I cleaned up the house and picked up my guest. She found herself very comfy at home here and very polite in all respects. So much so it was a running joke between us - but very sweet as well.

      We had an amazing vacation and we've gained a lot between us. She's back to school and I'm back to work. We've planned out the next visit already.

      Lessons learned:

      1. Best to be near age - we are very far apart but it oddly worked out well.

      2. Be honest. Don't be bullish about it. She likes to ask you questions about yourself over time and to put 2 and 2 together. Let her, and when she does, answer honestly.

      3. Not keen on Public Displays of Affection - But may do that from time to time without your input.

      4. Know culture - no getting around this - take some time to know her culture. Speaking some of the language helps.

      5. Enjoy eachothers company - if it seems akward - it is. If it is comfy - is it - just like any other culture or dating experience.

      Didn't promise you wisdom - just an experience.

      Nite

      Delete
    3. Bravo, my friend, bravo!
      I'm glad you had the guts and the brains to see what you want and at least try and get it.
      Age? Bah! As long as she's legal... that's why I never touched upon it...
      But... there is that old adage... Your age, divided by two plus seven. That and above is considered okay... by whom, I do not know.
      Good luck!

      Delete
  9. Ouch - I'm 40 she's 19 - but maybe my calculator (calc.exe) was broken and misunderstood the math. (Burying feelings of creepiness on an otherwise good endevour).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As i said... that formula was created by someone who speaks for the world. Yeah, right. "Love and do as you will" - St. Augustine.

      Delete
    2. Hmmm...Well said, you've convinced me - as a good Catholic - I say "God Bless St. Augustine".

      ;)

      Delete
    3. Hey, brother... thanks for writing in. Good luck to you. Just remember... in your case, age is only important in wine and cheese and coal (diamonds) and when you are trying to sell a car... but you know what I mean!
      That line by St. Augustine... that's the way to live your life.

      Delete
  10. Hello Andrew,

    I've been wanting to visit Japan and learn Japanese culture. But I figure out, I should do that with a job to compensate the travel expense.

    In the same manner, I know Japanese women are very interesting humans... Can you provide me some site where I can meet some of them? Or, I would appreciate it if you can provide me some addresses for an online application to teach English in Japan.

    Cheers,

    Ed

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi Andrew,I recently get to know a Japanese girl and we got no language barriers since she knows English,however there's 1 thing that is bothering me is that I'm a vegetarian.Does that affect my chances of getting into a relationship with her?Currently she is a friend and we are on good terms,but I want more than just that,I'm also a Chinese,may I know what are your views on this?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Hi Andrew,I recently got to know this Japanese girl(yes both of us are students),and we have no problems on language communication as she can speak English quite well,we are also friends(known each other for 3months)but I want to be more than that.However,I'm a vegetarian and she knows it,does that affect my chances of getting into a relationship with her?I'm also a overseas Chinese and she is not a racist,can I know what are your views on this?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Sry for double posting my phone lagged on me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Khbi, my friend... being a vegetarian should NOT be a problem at all! Since her English is good, and you can obviously communicate, you should be able to tell her you are a vegetarian even before you go out for a dinner... and if you have gone out for a meal (lunch or whatever), she may have already seen that you don't eat meat? Do you eat eggs and fish? Some vegetarians do/do not. It's not a big deal... but IF she likes you, she might actually bring you a lunch one day - and you wouldn't want to suddenly disappoint her by not eating everything.
      No... I mentioned food as a stumbling block ONLY because many foreigners don't even want to try Japanese food. While completely different, Japanese and Chinese foods use a lot of the same ingredients. She should NOT be afraid to date someone who is a vegetarian. IF it does (at first), show her that you eat everything else... konyaku, daikon, soy, tofuu, natto (if you are on a first date - do not eat natto - bad breath). There are plenty of sushi out there you can eat. Noodles... whatever... being a vegetarian shows her you are eating healthy. I wish I could do that. Some day perhaps....
      Good luck and enjoy!

      Delete
  14. Wow Thnx Andrew,I feel more confident now,and yes I can eat eggs and other dairy products though I can't eat fish nor meat.if she really made lunch for me I would eat everything,even fish or meat(though I had NEVER eat any of these)to show my sincerity,she is currently quite busy with her studies though.Thnx for sharing your views with me anyway :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm living in Japan right now and actually had one girl give me her phone number and when I had trouble with the Japanese phone being in Japanese she took it from me and programmed it herself.
    She seems to be very talkative around others, but when I come around she goes completely quiet and doesn't say much, but does quietly say "Ohayo" and smile.
    Sometimes I'll catch her looking at me from across the room, but I am thoroughly confused as her Facebook says "In a Relationship" Of course, in some of her older status updates, she claims to have given birth to a hermaphrodite alien baby and getting married to Takamaru-kun (a local character that looks like a Samurai Chicken-hawk)
    What do you think? I am one of those that are completely rattled by the thought of rejection.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I should point out that she offered me her phone number without me asking for it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dude... call her. Facebook is not real life, as much as we'd like to believe it.
      She's quiet around you because she likes you. She doesn't want to appear 'desperate' in front of others and so she acts coy. Wonderful!
      And being afraid of rejection? To be honest, what sort of person isn't afraid of rejection? It's an honest feeling of self-doubt. It makes you more human than others. Human frailty... we are all full of it. Half of my blogs involving my life (those with rock and roll titles) speak of being afraid of rejection... and I think when you stop caring about rejection - you may score more women but you sell your soul in the process.
      If you are going to ask her out do it away from people. She wants it to be a secret (maybe at first, maybe forever). She too is afraid of rejection and doesn't want to be the first ever Japanese woman who was rejected by a gaijin (I assume you are a foreigner). By the way... empower the word 'gaijin'... don't let it become an insult. You are an outsider.
      Having said all that - look up my blog I'm On Fire... write her that or your own haiku and sneak it to her. It will work. And if she isn't interested, you can shrug it off my saying you trust her opinion... is it any good?
      I always have an out - and exit strategy - planned.
      Good luck and drop me a line and let me know how it goes.

      Delete
  17. Hi Andrew, love your posts and comments. As you seem to be a resident expert, may I enquire a bit more about the 'not letting family know about the gaijin bf' issue?

    How did you overcome it? Her dad must've been ticked off if you guys just outta the blue told them, guess what, we're getting married or worst, we are married?

    Would it be easier for them to swallow if I'm asian looking? I'm actually Australian born Chinese. So just wondering whether it might be a tad easier (or given the state of affairs these days between the races, maybe worst hmm...)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tough to say, my friend... I WAS in Japan 19 years ago. My girlfriend/fiance was TOO afraid to tell her parents I was ever anything more than the lonely local gaijin she had befriended. No more. No less. I was never her boyfriend to her parents. I had never kissed her or made love to her as far as they knew. She loved me and I her, but her love of her parents - needing dad's approval killed the relationship. Or rather me laving to go back to Canada did... but after JET, I came back to Japan one month later to be with her... she just couldn't tell them we were in love.
      As for you... tough to say... I'm going on 20 year information and, of course, every situation is different.
      My two best friends in Japan - Matthew and Jeff - married women in Japan. Matt stayed a few years and saw the birth of his daughter before they packed up and moved back to the US. Jeff (whom I have lost touch with) stayed in Japan, opened up a an English school and I expect is still there now. He hated Japanese food, so I have no idea how he is still alive. They are both white Americans. I am a brown Indian-descent Canadian. I don't think skin color played an issue at all in these affairs of the heart, though. BUT, the Japanese area lot different (20 years ago) when it comes to other Asian cultures. But look... if you have embraced the culture, language and daughter it should be a lot easier for you. I never had the language part down. Never good at it.
      I would like to think that Japan has changed a lot in 20 years, so that race won't be a part of things. But... there's always a jerk in the group. Hell, my white wife was afraid of telling her father she was dating me because she thought he was racist. He was, but my knowledge of hockey showed me to be superior to himself, and I easily won him over.
      I am unsure what the protocol is about marriage in Japan. Does the man ask the woman and then ask her dad for permission? Does the dad even get asked? Look... if you are dating his daughter and are around enough... he will tell his daughter either to NOT date you or keep his mouth shut. Mouth shut is good.
      Dude... you may be of Chinese ancestry... BUT, you are an Australian living in Japan. I am aware I look Indian, but I have always been Canadian. Be yourself and good luck. You are always welcome to write back.

      Delete
  18. My god dude, I never thought dating a japanese girl will be like that, why I said that? Because I have treated girls like that always, but here in my country seems that doesn't work, women here are just too hard to understand, You have to be nice, kind or polite, otherwise she will love you, yeah its sad, but the positive thing is that I just have to do the same I've been doing these years. By the way I never expected being a foreigner will be a issue, I'm From Costa Rica I have latin descent but I don't look like one, I have white skin, I'm tall and even I use a japanese/anime hairstyle, my dream is to go to Japan, work there (in technology area) meet a japanese girl and get married with her, but now that I learned that her family, mainly her father have a great influence over her and hardly will accept a latin guy as her husband/boyfriend don't know if I will acomplish that, and another thing is this: I've heard being an otaku(I like very much anime, I have even learned some japanese from it) isn't well-seen over there, is that true? Ohh of course thanx for these advices they really help me a lot! You're just too amazing hahaha!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Hi there! I came across with a site called globogirls.com and registered for free. I have interacted with some girls and surely they are awesome and I met two of them in the same week, we had so much fun in a nice party , what I want to say is ( it's real ) guys , not just this but also The website helps you plan your trip and gives you great traveling tips which is amazing ;)

    ReplyDelete
  20. Some people might think online dating is total failure. But like it or not it's becoming the perfect solution for people like me who don't have enough time to socialize. Try globogirls.com it's really cool.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Date Japanese women

    The Ultimate Resource on How to Date Japanese Girls and Japanese Women created for Professional Western Men

    ReplyDelete
  22. Hey Andrew! Very nice blog btw. I recently met a Japanese woman who her friend introduced me to at a "meet up" a place where it seems like people meet either to hook up or exchange languages Japanese/English. We spoke for a few hours then exchanged numbers. After we parted, I text her and said I would like to meet her again. So she invited me to her place where she is rooming with two others. We spoke some more. So I decided to txt her and tell her that I think she's beautiful and would like to get to know her. I saw when she read, she started giggling. Then she replied and said thanks so much. She has a bf but it made her smile when she read it. She also said she would like to get to know me as a great friend (smiley face) I said that sucks, your Bf is a lucky guy. Then I asked if she wasn't dating, would she consider me? She answered Yea she would and thanks for coming out (smiley face)Now the things since Japanese people are generally polite, did she really mean that she would consider me or was she saying that out of politeness? Btw she doesn't seem to reply to any of my txt msgs late at night. But I don't overdo it with the txt msg. She also likes when I sing and usually takes video footage with her Ipad when I was singing at her place. She loves it. Not to mention, I did ask her about her bf and she told me her bf is out of state. What's your opinion on this? Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey... without meeting her and getting my BS monitor out, I would say you actually met an honest person.
      If she wanted to, she could have strung you along for a while... she could have been afraid to offend you... she could have taken advantage of you by giving you hope... but no... she told you straight up she has a boyfriend.
      I have met many Japanese women who have a boyfriend. Many times these guys are foreigners who are 'out of state'. How else to explain 'out of town'... what the hell does that mean?
      Dude... she didn't have to say she would go out with you if she were single. I mean, Japanese politeness might dictate that she would be nice... but was it a quick response to your question? Sure it was... because she was telling the truth.
      It's impossible for me to know, of course... but let's just assume the best of her. And of you.
      Cheers.




      Delete
  23. Thanks for your opinion. I realized while writing to you that I made a few typos. I meant to say she doesn't mind replying to my text msgs late at night, even when half asleep. I did ask her once if she wanted to hang out, her and I. She said ok at first. Then I asked is she's sure. She replied if it's her and I, she doesn't think her bf would like that because he's a jealous guy. But if it is with others, it would be fun. I said I have no problems with that and totally understand. But anyway, that's pretty much gist of things so far. Just me texting her any time of the day and her replying with no problems.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. welcome to my world.
      There was a woman I really, really liked... but she was married. The trouble was she really, really liked me, too. So... we used to write to each other when we could... but ultimately, I ended up playing second fiddle... that means I would never be the #1 guy. She wouldn't leave him for me... and I didn't want her to... but I was still #2... sucks... but you move on.
      Let me put it to you this way.
      If you really, really think she is the one... then move heaven and Earth for her and let her know how much you care for her... if after that she is still with her BF... it sucks to say, and it is easier said than done, but move on.

      Delete
  24. From my experience and that of many others, the easiest way to get a Japanese girlfriend is to bring her back to your place ASAP, and without being too sleazy about it, get in her pants. If the hanky panky is good and she's fun to be around, ask her on another date, and if that goes well, girlfriend her. Not all J-girls will put out right away unfortunately, but the courtship thing almost always fails because Japanese girls are too busy to meet often and theyll lose interest or youll grow impatient. The courtship might also becomes awkward because of the cultural differences. Strike while the iron is hot. Thats the best way.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know... this sounds a lot like what I did. It wasn't a plan... but for every guy, when you go out with a woman, the goal is to get into her pants... if it wasn't, I'd go out with my cousin Alphonso. Cultural differences? I snorted with laughter, as you, in a large paragraph, summed up my problem (and success) in Japan.

      Delete
    2. HEY ANDREW! MY 3rd time reading this, it gives me the boost/confidence that i need,

      I do have a question though, do you have any tips for someone whose trying to get back together with their Japanese X-girlfriend?

      Delete
    3. Maybe... it depends on why she's your ex right now.
      Are you there in Japan and in the same town/place as here?
      The WHY you broke up part is important - as it will help tell you what - if any - your next move will be.
      If you feel like sharing, I'll do my best to offer an opinion (not advice).
      Cheers and thanks for coming back!

      Delete
  25. So its 8:52am in nyc and let me first say I broke sleep cause this Blog you wrote was far to more interesting then me going sleep! Haha!

    I do have a question though, do you have any tips for someone whose trying to get back together with their Japanese X-girlfriend?

    ReplyDelete
  26. Hold a hand or ask her if it is ok to hold a hand of her.You do not want to do this in the beginning of the first date but try this in the middle of the first date with her. If she is interested in you, she will not mind holding a hand with you and you can get a lot closer with her quickly. Most Japanese women also like you as Western men take a lead of the relationship. - See more at: http://www.1001kisses.com/now-here-are-three-easy-to-do-tips-for-your-first-date-with-japanese-woman/

    ReplyDelete
  27. Your website is terribly informative and your articles are wonderful. Welcome to Nc Web School

    ReplyDelete
  28. Well written in the huge post. Would you like virtuous women to date?
    Independent Women dating

    ReplyDelete
  29. I was lucky enough to meet the right man eventually on Globogirls.com, of ALL places. Bizarre. He doesn't even LIKE the internet very much. Anyway, it's not a never-ending cycle of no, sometimes you do get lucky. I've been with my man for two and a half years now and I've been very happy. You just got to keep trying and keep your dating pool fresh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You look young in your photo.
      I met my wife over a telephone dating service. There was no exchange of photos... just hours-long conversations where one actually could hear what a person said and how they said it... and while there were laughs, no one LOL's as often people write that they are.
      Hours of talking every night for three weeks. We were already in severe like with each other before we even met face-to-face. Finding a partner is always a crapshoot. It's all about timing...
      Thanks for writing.

      Delete
  30. everyone are missing the big picture and neglect the most important part, I do not think it matters what is the woman's age is or her status or origin, what is important is to know what to do when you decide that a woman is for you, the hard part is understanding the communication coming from the other side, you need to learn to see the sings and react to them, at the end it becomes a second nature, there is a cool article I found that covers the very basics I hope it will help you, http://bewitchingcloseness.com

    ReplyDelete
  31. A perspective on Japanese women
    Japanese women and African-American men Part – I
    http://bit.ly/15phoyx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Want to know how stupid I am? I read your name as X-Ander rather than Xander. D'uh.
      There's some god stuff there! plenty from you! I'll look into all of it over the next couple of days...

      Delete
  32. So I went to hang out with this Japanese girl (23 yrs old) we met up. It seem like whatever I did she just went with the flow. It was like I would say "let's go here/there" and she would be fine with it. I actually wanted to eat and ask her if she was hungry. She said no but she doesn't mind coming with me. I felt bad even though I was hungry. So when I got there, I offered her to try some of my. I had ramen, it was slammin, and she tried a little and said it was good. She was tempted to order something but she ordered a drink instead. We started talking about stuff ie: family, relationships etc. I went to buy a jacket and she didn't mind, came with me and watch me put try the jacket. Of course she was checking out wardrobe she likes to. She didn't buy anything though, but I did lol. We ended up sitting on some steps watching street dancers entertaining and they were pretty good. Plus she dances as a hobby. She said she had fun and wants to eat some ramen with me next time. lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It sounds like you had a real nice time. Going with the flow is awesome. She must like you to do that.

      Delete
    2. I hope she does like me because I like her too. We from time to time send each other silly teddy bear emoticons on this popular msging app that Asian people like to use and that you probably know about lol. But she's focused on school right now. She's taking language classes in the city and is studying for the toefl exam. She wants to take college courses here in the states and is wondering if she can transfer her university credits from Japan to the states. It would great if she could do that!

      Delete
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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete
  35. nice tips and good advices on how to date a japanese girls, from my point of view, i think it's difficult to deal with a japanese girl but once you got them they are amazing in any ways,
    again, tnx for the blog post and please keep it up

    ReplyDelete
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  38. Sounds like a load of generalization BS to me. First off not all Japanese women would give a damn if you fill up her glass or not, two not all Japanese women give a crap if you speak their language or not. And most Japanese women I've seen in a few of their media look like Westernize pieces of crap. Like blond hair, tanned skin, fake long nails, etc. That is NOT Japanese. So you cannot sit here and generalize an entire nationality of people based off what you believe. Culture as a whole don't reflect everyone. That's like saying everyone in America is ghetto just because their from the hood, when there are some people that are trying to escape the hood rather than acting as if it represents them simply because their black and happen to be surrounded by prideful Negros that are glad to be in the hood.

    I wish people could write journals and blogs for once without generalizing so goddamn much. That sh*t is just as bad as using stereotypes to prove a point about people even if the stereotype may appear true based on your observations of people. The fact is, there is no way in hell I'm going to bust my ass just for a girl if she's not willing to bus her ass off for me. Real men just don't go around Trying to impress anybody, period. Women either like you for you or they don't.

    I don't ever see articles saying what females must do to please or impress a man, but I sure as hell see a few of em written by sissy men that don't mind saying "hey I don't mind changing myself just to get a woman, because I'm showing her that I care." How about making her do something that shows that she cares about you besides trying to learn f*ckin English as if that's the only thing that matters. I'm a black male, so I'd say okay if I have to learn Japanese, then you better learn how to braid hair, you betterk now how to cook as good as my mother, aunt, and female cousins. You better learn how to press, and straighten my hair because we black and Native American men roll that way. She may feel upset with me for saying that, but hey. I'm not going to

    The way I see it, most Japanese men aren't dating Japanese women for the exact same reasons a lot of American men refuse to date American females. I much rather date a woman and just be myself. I'm not going to force a woman to learn Black Culture, in which no one in Japan knows a damn thing about. Japan is also one of the worse Asian countries in the world with a high suicide rate, low birth rates, low marriage rates. It's beyond me how any decent man at all can say that Japan is a great place to find love, and all that nonsense. I can find a girl in any other country and I swear to you I would never have to learn a damn thing about their culture just to have a successful relationship. That all depends on the girl, like I said, generalizing like you did in your blog was just stupid.

    If a person has to conform just to be liked, that tells me that they don't accept you for being yourself, they accept you for trying to be one of them. If that's the case you might as well stay your ass in America. I don't live to change people. So their not going to change me either.

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  39. Great tips! Also Japanese women like to know if a potential boyfriend or husband will be able to take care of them as society in Japan is still very much patriarchal and as a result, moving a bit slower compared to western women may be necessary as a general rule of thumb.

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  40. I thinks one of the best place to meet Japanese girls is through the free dating sites in Japan , these are the places where you can strike off a relationship quite easily.

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  41. This blog for banch of losers...

    I don't like trash loser gaijins behave like childish manchildren in Japan.

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    Replies
    1. Wow. I agree that I was a manchild when I went to Japan - maybe even a loser gaijin - but Japan helped turn me into a man.
      But why scream at everyone? Jealous?
      I'll leave your anonymous comment up - next time have the courage to use your real name if you feel so brave to spew your hatred.
      For everyone else, remember - no swearing in this blog.
      Oh... I assume you meant 'bunch' not banch.
      And... 'childish manchildren' - that's redundant, but your point is well-made.

      Delete
  42. Hello friends you give me an useful information of online dating with hot and sexy Japanese girls.

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  43. i love japan girl. She is cute ;)

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  44. I liked the words about making sure to be romantic with the women, Japanese women just like the rest like to be pampered, yes I loved the photo at the beginning of the blog, simply beautiful, just took another look, breathtaking is the right word I guess. Anyway, for all the men or women looking for date a Japanese, it is possible through the 100% free dating sites in Japan like MeetOutside, these sites have people who are interested in people from around the world, so I guess if one plays the cards right, you could be dancing in Tokyo.

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  45. Japanese women are very sexy and I really love them. Try dating one and you will never need to cheat or see other women.

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  46. "If you really want a Japanese girl, make sure that you have a good title and a good working background because this will be totally checked by her."

    This may sound materialistic, but Japanese culture in general is very work-oriented. When you turn down an invitation, "Sorry, I have to work" is almost always an acceptable excuse.
    Also, having a good job can mean a good husband/father material. A lot of Japanese people want a secure, long-lasting marriage, and the stable job is considered an important factor.

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