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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Starseed

Back to my personal diary of Thursday, December 19, 1991...The first two parts of my day are here:
Part 1
Part 2


Just let the video above play while you read...

I've been living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan since late August of 1990, arriving here to work as a junior high school English teacher for the JET (Japan  Exchange & Teaching) Programme.

The teaching part has been easy. I'm a journalist by trade, graduating from university with a degree in Political Science and from college in journalism.

I've coached women's soccer for about seven years, and taught piano for two... I have an ego and I don't have an ego. It just depends on the form of introspection I am performing. I'm a high IQ slacker who until arriving in Japan had never lived on his own, had a girlfriend longer than three months or slept with a woman... I was not quite 26-years-of age then.

Now, one year later, I am 27, and have have: survived living on my own, learned how to cook a few meals that were actually quite decent, communicated with the Japanese well enough so that I am not isolated, and have slept with 13 women.

Lucky number 13.

I can't complain - at least not really. I had gone, in one fell swoop on a long airplane flight, from dud to stud... and I can't understand why - not that I am trying to figure that out.

Maybe I'm just more confident, and have been exuding that confidence since arriving here... you know... everyone is shy and nervous, but when someone has the appearance of being out-going, people tend to gravitate toward them.

That explains my first girlfriend Ashley, but doesn't explain why or how I've slept with a lot of beautiful Japanese women.

Want to know how? I just kind of just sit around and wait for them to approach me. After we say hello (me in Japanese, they in English), we might have a drink, or if we are not in a bar, perform small talk. I tell them they are pretty, they get all gooey,  and off to my apartment we rumble. Rocket-science it ain't.

I'm not bad-looking. I'm tall, in shape, have a decent personality and a great sense of humor - plus, should it matter, I'm goofy but intelligent. To the Japanese, I am not quite the standard, garden variety gaijin (Ho-ho-ho!), as I am of Indian extraction (dot not the feather), but have all the mannerism and idiosyncrasies of a Canadian - though I don't say 'eh' a lot and never say 'oot and aboot' (for out and about) because I don't know anyone who has ever been out and about. And, just because I wrote it, it doesn't mean that you heard it as 'oot and aboot'. 

But this recent fling-thing with Junko has me both confused and proud of myself.

Yes, I'm confused because of what she is doing to herself, but I am proud that I was able to screw the brains out of a woman who should have been a fashion model or adult-video star. And even more proud for ending it. That last bit of pride confuses me.

Hey - want to know what we did to each other? Use you imagination and think of the most hot, wet and sticky things two people can mostly legally do to each other sexually...  done? Good... well, Junko and I did that as a part of our normal sex life. And we went off the rails from there.

So, yeah... Junko was young, intelligent, experimental, gorgeous, flexible, and into me. The problem was that she also had a Japanese boyfriend - for appearances.

She occasionally slept with him, because that is what boyfriends and girlfriends might do. I didn't have a problem with Kenichi. He didn't know about me, and I was doing all sorts of sexual things to the woman he would walk hand-in-hand with down in Utsunomiya-shi where they went to university together.

Kenichi was out of Junko's league... not in the looks department... he was a good-looking guy - more handsome than me, I think... and that's why they were together, in my opinion. But still, Junko was hot.

It's better to look good than to feel good.



Kenichi and Junko looked like the Japanese version of Ken & Barbie. Again... no one really wants Ken, but everyone wants Barbie.

Me? I made Junko feel good physically (which made her feel good mentally). She and I only left my apartment once where we were be seen in public together, and that was only because she thought we were far enough away from my home base of Ohtawara where she thought she would be safe from people recognizing me, which would in turn cause people to wonder who she was, which could get back to her Ken doll.

Silly Junko. There was one fatal flaw with that line of thinking... while it is true that I am a very recognizable gaijin (foreigner)—especially in the northern sector of Tochigi-ken—Junko has the kind of looks that makes both men and women stare just that extra second longer.

I noticed (because that is what I do) that the Japanese locals would look at HER first, and then glance over at me to see who was lucky enough to be with this goddess.

But that's not the problem. I am jealous, a bit, of Kenichi, because while I don't envy him being screwed around on by his girlfriend, I do want Junko to be my girlfriend. Why am I good enough to have intercourse or whatever it is we do, but not good enough to be with all day and night? I want what he has, along with what I had.

I said 'had' - past tense. But that's not why I had to break up with Junko. She also had four more boyfriends. When the hell did she find the time? She was with me in the evenings and night (and we never slept!), at school during the day... so what's with the four other guys?

Apparently these other four men were the real suckers. They would buy Junko presents (apparently at her urging), all for the hope that she would sleep with them. Even if one would rebel, I am sure a new fish would come along and buy her what she wants.

What the hell does Junko need that for? Kenichi as the boyfriend or I, as the lover, would buy her things.

Don't get me wrong. I don't mind buying a woman presents - but only when I feel like it. It's not a quid pro quo type of thing. I don't buy a woman presents hoping to get sex or to thank her for sex... I do so because at the time - when you really like someone or are in love with them - it seems like the right thing to do.

And that's why I think there is more to Junko than meets the eye. She gave me a book months ago when she was stalking me for sex. Hell... maybe she bought it, and maybe it was given to her by one of her lazy, diamond-studded monkeys - who knows?

The point is, she gave it to me. The thing I figured out aboot (dammit!) about Junko is, even with the presents she was getting from the other men, it was presents she suggested she should receive. That means she must have suggested someone get this book for her... because she wanted to give it to me.

But you know what? That's all bull. She told me she bought me the book because she thought I would like it. I believe that because I want to believe that, and because I think it's true.

The book Junko bought me? It was a book on zen philosophy.

And that was when I fell in love with her. She bought me a book. And it wasn't a book that I wanted or even thought I wanted to read. It was a book she liked that she thought I would enjoy.  

She looked inside me and thought: I don't know if he will like this, but I want him to, because I do.

It wasn't a test... it was just a way for us to connect in a non-sexual manner, which, when you think about it, is really quite sexual.

I only just thought about it as I sat here alone in my large, three-bedroom apartment. I had just kicked her out... three hours ago... and I haven't moved - frozen in time and space.

So... I get up slowly, grab a Coke from my fridge, and then mosey over to my bookcase and pluck the book Junko gave me. I never read it before.... probably because she and I were screwing our brains out every time we saw each other, and I was sleepwalking through work during the day.

Now... with her gone... I finally have time. But, despite knowing that losing Junko is a good thing for me... I can't help but feel the loss... and so, to honor her, I begin reading the book on Zen Buddhism.

I know what you are thinking. The main focus behind the concept of zen, is that you don't think about the past or the future and instead concentrate on the present, because that's all you have. Me reading a book on zen given to me by Junko - that's screwed up! It is.

Here's what's even more screwed up. And I know it is when I make it my plan.

I only read one page, and then put it down.

I'm going to do this everyday. And when I finally finish, I hope I am over her. But... I doubt it.

On the plus side, at least I won't have to buy Junko a Christmas present.

On the down side, I already have something for her.

Somewhere feeling screwed, screwy and screwed up and missing her terribly,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Our Lady Peace - a damn fine Canadian rock and roll band. I went to Our Lady of Peace grade school in Etobicoke (now a part of Toronto). No relation.

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