As promised in the last blog entry, here is my tribute to Miyamoto Shigeru (surname first), the man who created Donkey Kong and thus the whole Mario World series of Nintendo video games everyone loves - though one of my all-time favorites was Donkey Kong Country for the Nintendo 64 - I loved playing it more than any Mario game. Still... Mario did first appear in the arcade game Donkey Kong.
My homage is a short story I wrote back in 1991 or 1992. I call it...
THE TWENTY-FIVE CENT INTERVIEW
Hey, wotsah op? Thees eez Mario. Ya, that'sa right - the guy froma the videoh games. Anyhow, theesa guy froma the paypa he come ana aska me fora my story. Mamma mia! Ifa people awantta know, I'lla tell it.
It wuz abouta twenny-fiveah years ago when I wuzza mindinga my owna bizzness, "Mario's Construction", that was notta ever, evena remotely connected to the Maffiosa or my cuzin, Tony. I swear ona my mamma's grave. Godda rest her soul. Now, wherea wuz I? Oh yah - I hadda one of Don Francesco's new buildings going op when alluva sudden theesa stupido, smelly, uhgaly monkey he comma anda take my secretary onna toppa my building. I no like it, see. It'sa bad for bizness and besides - nobody makesa da monkey shines at my gal! (Don't tella my wife - she'll a kill me.)
When I finally gotta my secretary back, I hadda stoppa the monkey. So, I blew op the building. He shoulda die, but no - he land onna his head, so he wasa okay. Fungoul.
I hateah them stupido monkeys. After I brokah the building down, I gotta my ass sued. I couldinna take ita no moh, so I tooka the monkey to the Africa with me so I coulda capture hissa baby, too. Ha-ha. Of course, thata little runt bastard nearly killed me a few times - and he gotta his poppa back. So, I gotta my brother Luigi. He hateah da monekys, too. He used to be an organa grinder until hea found hisa partner wuza skimming offa da top.
Together we set offa to catch them monkey bastards - but, somethinga happened! We seemed to slip into a messa alternate realities. I know thata phrase. I learn fromma my son, Guido's Micronaut dolls. He no likka the monkeys, too, but he say I wasa crazy in the head and shoulda leaveah da stupido monkey alone. He showa disarespect to hisa father, so I hadda his godfather speak to him. Thata fixed him. Ha.
It's a strange place, thissa alternate world. There'sa dinosaurs anda dragons anda alla kinds of stoff. I know them monkeys izza hiding somewhere here - but the worrsa part is thata those damn Japanese controla the everything!! Hey! Iffa my cuzin Tony readsa this (sorry, hasa someone read it to him), he shouda bring somma heza family here to make the Japs show somma respect. Ha-ha-ha!!!
Okay. I gotta go finda that stupido monkey - buta remember – unless your pasta needs something mor than a tomate, watchout! Thosa stupido musharooms messa you op real good. Fungoul.
Story by Andrew Joseph
Look, if the Japanese can create a beloved video game character that is so obviously Italian-looking, I can make him speak like an extra from a Chico Marx movie.