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Sunday, June 16, 2013

Eyeball Licking Latest Sex Fetish In Japan - Updated

Editor's Note: It's August 25, 2014... and just so we are all aware, the article presented below is indeed a hoax. 

Everyone who isn't Japanese seems to have an opinion that the Japanese are a weird people.

I have done my best to assure you readers that while the Japanese are indeed weird, they are only a different breed of weird as opposed to the rest of the weirdness that exists in the world - IE - everybody is weird.

But then again, every once in a while the Japanese do their best to make it sound like the rest of the world just ain't trying hard enough to be weird.

I'm still not convinced of its veracity, but a newspaper - no less the UK's The Guardian - recently ran an article on the latest fetish or fad that is sweeping the nation like a bad case of STDs (sexually-transmitted diseases).

Known as worming or oculolinctus, kids bored with kissing and looking for a new, inventive and disgusting way to get to second base, have recently begun licking one another's eyeballs.

Really? What's wrong with grabbing a boob under a shirt or snaking a hand down your guy's pants for a feel? Licking an eyeball?

While that sounds incredibly personal - you really have to want to trust your partner, the whole ordeal is fraught with a downside - besides the obvious grossness.

Worming (which anyone who has ever had a dog will tell you is disgusting) is being blamed for a big rise in cases of conjunctivitis - that's pink eye - in Japan. Pink eye is an inflammation of the outer most layer of the eye, and the inner surface of the eyelid. Symptoms include an itchy eye, pus seepage, inflammation of the whole eye area, and it just looks icky.

But that's not the worst thing about worming.

Think eye chlamydia. Chlamydia is an STD - a fairly common one - and while different from eye chylmedia only in location, let me send you to a Wikipedia page on the one that does affect the lower fun region: HERE, and have you dwell on the fact that this is basically what Japanese kids and other dumb young people are doing to their eyes.

Yeesh. Just say no to licking eyeballs and snake a hand under her top and over and around her breast, squeeze lightly while tweaking the nipple gently with your thumb and index finger. It's way better than licking an eyeball and developing a pus infection in the eye of your girlfriend - because with pink eye, she isn't going to be looking her best - in more ways than one.  

So why lick an eyeball? Some strange person realized that the cornea has a lot of nerve endings in it... so when licked, it is extremely sensitive.... it's supposed to possess the same titillation as toe-sucking.

I've never licked an eyeball... I have a long tongue and can touch the tip of my nose with it, but that's still not long enough to self-lick my eyeball...

Here's what a female student from the U.S. Virgin Islands says: "My boyfriend started licking my eyeballs years ago and I just loved it. I'm not with him any more but I still like to ask guys to lick my eyeballs ... it turns me on."

So... there. Sex is risky enough without having to make sure you don't contract pink eye. Or blindness or even just a scratched cornea. I've had a a scratched cornea while in Japan - sometime in 1991, and the only cool thing about that was that I had to keep a contact lens out and wear an eye patch.

I thought it looked cool and for a whole two weeks after my eye was better, I kept it on in public. I wanted to look as cool (and sexy) as Snake Plissken, the gritty anti-hero played by Kurt Russell in the 1981 film: Escape From New York. Really. I may have a high IQ, but not a high eye-Q.

Consider yourself warned. Lick an eyeball if you wish, but don't say you haven't been warned. There are far better and more interesting things to lick. Disease-free me and my long tongue ought to know. 

Hopefully Japanese youth will shun this fetish craze and not take it to the levels seen by bagel heading where people in Japan began having saline injected into their forehead:
 

Cheers,
Andrew Joseph

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