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Monday, July 8, 2013

When Andrew Met La Cucaracha

It's been excessively hot here in Toronto this past weekend... hovering around 34C... not including the humidity.

We had some heavy, heavy rainstorms all day today - though little thunder and no lightning.

Anyhow... with no air-conditioning, I've been moist all weekend. Hey! It is what it is.

Oh - and the fan in the living run gave up the ghost, meaning we only have one in the house. Talk about yer crap luck.

This is the type of weather that makes the bugs come out in the old 70-year-old house. Some weird-ass beetles, centipedes and spiders.

They say the spiders eat the other insects... but we had a female spider withe the egg sac give birth in the bathroom... had little bastard spiders running over my toothbrush and on the ceiling... so... forgive me Buddha, but this  unbeliever killed the false reincarnations... all of them.

I hate insects.

Yeah, they may provide a great service - feeding birds and tilling the earth... but not in my house. This caveman didn't spend thousands of years getting becoming erect and creating comfortable homes just to have nature come inside with him.

Fug nature. Especially in my home.

It reminds me of my very first day in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan back in early August of 1990.

I walked into a spotless three bedroom, LDK with two balconies and thought - why do people complain about the small Japanese apartments... this place is huge!

And then... as I put my bags down in the living room... I spotted two black insects... cockroaches.

I had never seen a cockroach in person before... and while I had La Cucaracha playing in my head, I chased the fuggers down and delighted in hearing them crunch under my shoes that I had thankfully neglected to remove upon entry into my place.

Cockroaches.

Ick.

Seeing those two bugs was a turning point in my life. Really.

I never wanted to see another cockroach in my apartment again, so I vowed that no matter what, I would keep a clean apartment. I would vacuum several times a week and ensure that I never had garbage in my home - promising that I would throw it out in the garbage pick-up area every day or two.

I also promised to do my dishes every night.

I said I would do my laundry every couple of days...

I would even dust once a week.

So great was my fear of a cockroach invasion and of insects in general, that I kept every single one of those promises from that day forth until the day I left Japan.

And this is from someone who partied hearty in Japan.

What also saved me, was pride, as my apartment was Grand Central Station, as I had a constant stream of visitors to my place, whether it was my bud, Matthew, girlfriend Ashley, nosy kids who wanted to see where I lived and even my bosses who would check up on me from time to time to ensure I hadn't killed myself accidentally on purpose.

So I kept a very clean ship.

And... truthfully... except for when I went back to Toronto for a few weeks in 1992, I never saw another cockroach in there again. And I killed that one in 1992, as well, with the most satisfying crunch I had heard in two years.

I did come across cockroaches two other times... but not in my apartment. I'll discuss those horrific tales some other day.

If you move to Japan... keep your apartment clean. You have been warned.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

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