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Saturday, October 26, 2013

Charles Bronson - Mandom Japanese Commercial


Charles Bronson (Charles Dennis Buchinsky) had been an actor in American movies since 1951, often playing in the action-adventure genre of war movies like The Great Escape and The Dirty Dozen long before he became famous and infamous for his Death Wish movies in the 1970s, '80s and '90s.

But in-between that, Bronson became a western hero after starring in the fantastic flick "Once Upon A Time In The West", a film so popular that the Japanese felt he was the perfect 'Western Man'—even over Clint Eastwood.

As such, when Japan came calling in 1974 to have him star in a commercial for Mandom cologne, Bronson leaped at the opportunity to increase his presence in Asia.

Well, that and perhaps the $100,000 for four days of work.

That $100,000, by the way, was more than what Bronson had earned while starring in The Great Escape and The Magnificent Seven (a movie that was a remake of the Seven Samurai epic by Japanese director Kurosawa - perhaps the best Japanese movie I have ever seen).

So… perhaps it should come to no one's surprise that the content of the Mandom ad… and please note that this was the first of eventually three such commercials—was weird.

And… if it's weird for us, by Western standards watching it, I can only assume how weird it must have been for Bronson to have made it.

Still, a few weeks after its release on television, Charles Bronson had made Mandom the top-selling men's toiletry product in Japan.

Here… watch it…


Hoo-Ha! Scent of a Bronson!

The other two Mandom flicks are not currently available on the Internet, though I hear that in the third one Bronson actually catches a fish with his bare hands, and throws some playing cards that shoot lasers out from them… total Japanese absurdity much like the Old Spice ones:



Obviously, the Old Spice commercial(s) is played up for yuks, while I can only say that 40 years later, the Bronson Mandom one is played up for yucks.

As I watched the Bronson Mandom commercial, the first thing I wondered as I was watching it was: Hey… was that Frank 'Sugar Chile' Robinson playing the piano? Doubt it.
After this performance, he and Count Bassie rode home in the back of the bus.

But did Bronson actually just growl at the piano player: “All the world loves a lover. All the world loves… Mandom!

I'm unsure about political correctness, but isn't that pretty gay? That even seems too gay to be gay. I know a few gay men, and none of them would ever utter anything like that Mandom line. Does it make it more politically correct if I use the term homo-erotic?

Then… it was - Hey! That's Uncle Joe from Petticoat Junction as the doorman! Sweet! I love that old bugger! I love that show because it's also where I first learned about old time lingerie (petticoats - adults wanting to learn more about lingerie can check out the ADULT CONTENT website of my friend Mister Manfred Mann HERE).

No wait… that's not the same actor. That's Percy Helton… I've seen him in a ton of things… see HERE.

So… why was Helton laughing after Bronson slaps him on the back and drives away… does he know what Bronson is up to?

And… even though Bronson isn't the most handsome man, surely he could have picked up a few women at the bar just because he's Charles freaking Bronson? Oh well…

Okay… back to homo-erotic thing… Did Bronson just rip off his shirt, pirouette and throw his shirt up into the air? What the hell was that for?! Even the gay cowboys in Brokeback Mountain wouldn't do that.

And geezus…  did you see how much of that stuff he was slathering on all over his peeks?!?! He was just heading into the hotel room by himself, wasn't he? Or did I miss the part where he called on six hookers to join him? I assume Bronson would use his six-shooter.

And… after all that… Bronson lies back into the leather chair and strokes his own face as he says:

"Ummmm, Mandom!"

Uhhhhh, Bronson… WTF?

I could just say WTF Japan for creating such a surreal commercial that does its best to make one of Hollywood's toughest guys ever appear as queer as a $3 bill. They do exist… here's one I own:

Now… for a product calling itself Mandom… I'm confused at how anyone using it is going to become a dominating male… especially when it appears as though it can sometimes turn you into Liza Minelli.

Mondom After Shave Lotion.
Let's talk about the brand owner of Mandom, before we get back to our regularly scheduled blog.

According to Wikipedia, the Mandom Corporation first opened its pores doors for business in 1927 when it was known as the Kintsuru Perfume Corporation. Under the Mandom brand, it manufactures and distributes various hair care, skin care, perfumes and deodorants (if you care).

I am unsure just what it is that Bronson is pouring and swirling all over his rather muscular self… in that oddly erotic way, but I sure as hell hope it's not deodorant, because god help us, no man should ever smell so bad that they need to use as much as Bronson did.

I will freely admit that I have never wanted to buy a cologne that made me smell like another man. Not only have I never wanted to smell like another man—not even a stud like Charles Bronson—but I'm pretty sure I don't even want to smell Charles Bronson. Yes… I'm pretty sure. I think.

Call me a male lesbian, but I would much rather smell the perfumy Britney Spears… call me Curious.

Y'know… when I met Britney back when she was 16, I thought to myself… well, I thought a lot of things.. but mostly I thought - wow… she's going to be star… so I had her autograph a copy of Barbie Comics #1 for me.

Anyhow… back to Fem-dom… I mean Mandom… and Charles Bronson… which is really tough because I'm think quite hard about Britney right now….

I'll be back in a few minutes….

Okay…

Where were we? Right! Britney… I mean Bronson. Crap!

That commercial… is it just me, but did anyone else think he was getting all dolled up for a visit from the pianist? He did throw him that lover line, after all.

Anyhow… now that Bronson has become whore for Japanese products, he discovers he has a yen for the money they are willing to throw his way, and did two more commercials for Mandom… unfortunately, only this first one is available on the Internet.

And… in case you were wondering, this Mandom commercial was directed by Ohbayashi Nobuhiko… a Japanese gent who put out the Japanese horror flick House (ハウス, Hausu), about a schoolgirl traveling with her six classmates to her ailing aunt's country home, where they come face to face with supernatural events that has the girls devoured by the home one by freaking one. That doesn't sound homo-erotic… unless the house is a female house.Then I'd definitely watch that.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

3 comments:

  1. Greetings, just wanted to point out an error. You wrote,

    "That $100,000, by the way, was more than what Bronson had earned while starring in The Great Escape and The Magnificent Seven (a movie that Japanese director Kurosawa remade as the epic Seven Samurai - perhaps the best Japanese movie I have ever seen)."

    It was actually the other way around. Kurosawa's Seven Samurai came out first in 1954. The Magnificent Seven was a Western remake that came out in 1960.

    Cheers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha! You are correct! I knew that... I just wrote it ass backwards. I'll fix it!
      Thanks for pointing it out!

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    2. Okay! This time for sure. Damn... I really must reread my stuff better before publishing. Thanks Anonymous for the heads up!

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