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Friday, October 25, 2013

Hoot Mon! Japan Bikes For Tweed

Oh…. that the race of man could ever sink so low.

Despite possessing the awesome Scottish name of Andrew, Scotland has brought a lot of other misanthropic things to the world calling such miserable pastimes as haggis and deep-fried Mars bars as 'food' and making a name for itself as a musical hotbed with its painful drone of the bagpipes…

I do think the country is extremely pretty and its people wonderful - and I certainly do have a thing for Scottish women with their sexy, wee accent.

While Scotland has also exported the pleated kilt skirt as a fashion statement for Catholic teenaged girls and women who think dressing up as one is sexually enticing for their men (you're just encoring men to have pedophile imaginings), it does have a decent history in its innovative inventiveness, giving the world such fare as: tubular steel, coal-gas lighting, condensing steam engine, the screw propeller, the Encyclopedia Britannia, a bunch of math things (yawn), curling, golf, hypodermic syringe and lots more.

It also puts in a claim to fame for having created the Tweed fabric, the pedal bicycle and the pneumatic tire.

So… leave it to Japan to celebrate these last three things with a Tweed Run Tokyo bicycle event, which took place in Tokyo on October 14, 2013.

Featuring about 150 hipster doofuses (doofi? - is that the plural) wearing tweed, they rode around the city as a part of Fashion Week… a spin-off from the original Tweed Run in London, UK which started in 2009.

The Tokyo version began in 2012.
I'm unsure how many blondes were cycling, but a very nice event poster by Mark Fairhurst.

But… why call something a 'Run" when it's a bicycle riding event? And… if it relaters to tweed, do we really want a run in our tweed? I don't get it.

But why Japan? Or should that be Why? Japan??!!

Because whenever there's a chance to dress up in goofy old-fashioned clothing, just like Johnny Depp in damn near every movie role—The Japanese are into it.

While I have no problem with anyone wearing tweed provided they are either going to a Sherlock Holmes costume ball or are female (women have a way of making any fashion look 'good'), I still don't know why anyone would want to wear such an outdated fabric.

What's next, hipster doofuses (doofus'?) Caveman furs?

Well… I suppose people who have no fashion sense (since becoming married) shouldn't throw pillows…
I'm unsure if its the fabric or the design, but even I have to admit that's a chic look.

I must admit that the folks dressed up for the Tweed Run Tokyo do look good. But that's because they are out for an event.And they are hipster doofusites (?).

"It’s so Tokyo, I would say," a participant gayly (the old-fashioned meaning of the word!) muttered to the media. "We are using this traditional fabric in many modern ways. It’s part of the diversity of fashion."

See? Hipster doofusters. No one talks like that in real life.

But using the traditional fabric in many MODERN ways? Just because you wear an old-style fabric in 2013 does not make it modern! Look at the photo above... how modern does it look to you? It looks like it was modern 110 years ago. Hipster Doofusser.

Can people wear this stuff every day in 2013? Would you? If I did—and I know I could pull it off—I would be ridiculed more than I ever was back in high school when I was ugly and my mother dressed me funny. Growing into adulthood and beating the crap out of everyone who ever teased me, I worked out heavily, grew my hair nice and long and became a metrosexual and male lesbian (I LUV women).

I'm a graduate of the John Casablanca Modeling Agency here in Toronto, and even did a few shows… and while I am aware that models aren't suppose to have an opinion regarding the clothes they model, I've grown out of being a model - mostly around my waist.

As a lark, I would wear tweed and partake in an event like this if I know there was a chance to hot on the ladies of Japan. But never in real life.

But maybe that's because I lived in a small town in Japan - and not the big mega-city of Tokyo.

I just have one question… were these hipster doofuseseseses outfitted with these Victorian/Edwardian-era tweed outfits OR did they have these things in their clothes closets next to Sailor Moon COSPLAY costumes?

For the inaccurately named 2013 Tweed Run Tokyo, bicyclists tried not to get their fancy pants caught in the gear chain as they loudly (it has to be loud in those suits) moved leisurely through the streets of Gainmae to Ginza over a two hour or so period.

Sorry you missed it? Fret not. If you are in the Nagoya area on October 26, 2013 - and have something old that a moth would grow large on - wheel your anachronistic ass out and see if you can participate in their 2013 Tweed Run Nagoya.

Somewhere looking up the plural of doofus,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Hmmm... could doofus already be a plural... a plural for dumb fug?
Oh well... I'm going to head to Bedrock... a little town I know where the hipsters go... twitch-twitch.
Click HERE to hear what I'm talking about.

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