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Wednesday, January 29, 2014

If You Unhook It, They Will Cum

Geez-Louise, Japan! What with Japanese youth already not all that in on having sex (See HERE), now a bra manufacturer goes and makes things even MORE difficult for the guys that want to do the nasty?!

Manufactured by Ravijour, and part of an publicity campaign for its 10th anniversary, the company has come up with, a chastity belt for boobs.

I'm not talking about stupid people - or maybe I am - but rather a lockable bra that can only be opened if the one doing the opening is "in love".

The "True Love Tester" bra uses sensors and a special doo-hickie that is linked to a mobile APP device that will analyze the pattern and speed of the user's heart beat in the heat of the moment - is the heart all a flutter when she sees her man?" - and will unlock her treasure chest for her man to plunder.

The bra's ability to measure heart rate and changing pattern and the duration of the change, will, say the manufactures, allow the bra to be able to tell when a woman is jogging, flirting, horny, or in love.

Okay… I can see all of that… but at the end of the night… how the fug does a woman take off the bra when she needs a change of undergarment?

The bra wants to make sure that the woman is really in love before it releases the sweater puppets! Why do I foresee a lot of women wearing these bras ending up having sex with their top on?

Or… rather… if there is a Japanese woman who would wear such a device upon her heaving bosom… chances are pretty good she's either going to accidentally electrocute her nipples (which I hear can be either quite painful or quite pleasurable) or she's simply not going to have sex again as her bra simply might be too finicky for a any man.

"Nay, He is not the one for you," says B.R.A., as it secretly harbors a forbidden love for its mistress.

The good news here, guys, is that the odds are pretty good that if you are picking up a woman for some raunchy sex in an alley or love hotel, she's probably not ever going to wear a bra like this - or panties. Just saying.

Of course, as mentioned… this is a one off.

No kidding…

But I mean, it's merely a publicity stunt… I just don't think it's a particularly good publicity stunt even if marketers and advertisers say there is no such thing as 'bad press'. To that I say - horse hockey!

Why make a bra like this? It shows you don't really have a great grip on the feelings of society.

I mean, come on! Men already fumble and bumble trying to unhook a bra - I know I've had to rip more than a few off with my teeth - but now we (men) need to find out if the woman is in love with us first?

What if she isn't? Game over. Make a note to buy more tissue before heading home to watch porn on the computer.

Anyhow… let's grab a closer look at this bra.

So… if the app… determines that the woman's heart pattern and rate are within the pre-determined parameters indicating she is in love, the clasp at the front of the bra pops open allowing for things to get out of hand, or into hand, if you will.

“We wanted to do something that wouldn’t just appeal to people who wear our products, but also to lift the romantic mood between men and women,” spokeswoman Yuka Tamura said.

In a promotional video (below), viewers are shown how the glittering gold lame bra conceals sensors placed inside the cup, which send wireless signals to a smartphone.

Gold lame? Any woman wearing gold lame is not in a romantic mood! She's rich and horny - two of my favorite combinations.

And did you get a look at the bra? Is it just me, but does it look huge… like a pair of gold-painted shaved coconuts?

And WTF?!! Does the woman need a smart phone to get laid now? What is someone steals your phone? Will women sudden;y be popping their bra open at inopportune times thanks to trigger-happy thieves?

And… are women so dumb nowadays that they need an app to tell them they are in love? Riiii-iiight… and when I used the Love Tester game at a strip club not only did it determine that I was a Hot Tamale love god, but it also have me an STD.

Stunt or not, having to be told by a machine that you are in love or not in love smacks of Orwellian poppycock, which, I suppose, is the only poppy a woman wearing this bra is going to get in her.

It is “a revolutionary bra that knows truly how women feel,” the video says.
Let's hope this is not the wave of the future, because all I can say is that when setting the bar, Ravijour has set the bra low with its chastitty belt.

Here… watch the video on YouTube.

Andrew Joseph

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