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Friday, May 23, 2014

Godzilla, Eh! What A Beauty!

Perhaps just because it's Godzilla, it's easy to have fun with the lovable lizard, as he is quite well know for his heart guffaws at the merest bon mot - as well as for stepping on cities, as he is rather clumsy.

Anyhow, as with every Godzilla since who-knows-when, the look of Godzilla has been slightly modified with each successive film since 1954... uh, so I suppose I do know since when.

There is a standard of course… bipedal, big tech, tough skin, bony plates on the spine, radioactive breath - oh, and he should have some sort of look that says 'hey! I'm a freaking lizard that wrecks cities!' - so, in that sense, the look is kind of vague. I've had that look once or twice when I rampaged amok in Tokyo with some beauteous babe on my arm hitting the dance clubs of Shinjuku, Tokyo. Okay, maybe that look was when I was staring surreptitiously at my dance date.

With the recent release of Godzilla a week or so ago, even though Japan has not yet had the privilege of seeing the movie (it opens in Japan on JULY 25  - yes… July!) Japanese fans who have caught sight of the King Of The Monsters have taken to criticizing him/she/it.

While the chief Japanese fan complaint seems to be that this version of Godzilla looks fat, I think that this is just a case of sour grapes…. sour grapes at the fact that Japan has to wait two extra months to see the movie, or the fact that this is yet another "American" version of their beloved kaiju (monster).

The complaint that Godzilla looks fat is childish at best.

Even if we were to examine the creature as though it were real (Godzilla is a fictional character, yo), if you look at all the early Japanese versions, Godzilla looks like a kangaroo… you know… small head, wide Baby-Huey, pear-shaped body.
Kangaroos have a Godzilla-shaped body.

Baby Huey
Of course… not Japanese pear-shaped, as their pears are round like an apple… both of which are the size of a softball.

You can see Godzilla's comparative shape in the photo above…

But, perhaps most telling is that in the new version of Godzilla, the creature has a smoother complexion…. you know, more like a lizard… while original Godzilla… his skin actually looks like he's suffering from some sort of radiation poisoning, which is a possibility given his internal nuclear furnace that he can turn on to spew a fiery blast of radioactivity.
A nice Japanese pair.
Y'know… I looked at the photo above and wasn't sure that I understood the joke… but I guess the writer assumes that the new western Godzilla looks prettier than Japanese Godzilla.

No… but yes. I would hope so. Can you imagine how crap a new movie would look with a guy in a rubber monster suit? Just think Power Rangers.

Power Rangers monsters... and this is 2010... I'm sure the monster have become fatter since then.
Anyhow… a fat Godzilla? Sure… then again, you might be fat if you were asleep under the ocean for a million years. Actually, you might be very skinny because you hadn't eaten a city in so long that they didn't even have cities back then. You might even be in-continent. Probably not.

I still haven't seen the movie, and don't want to know anything about it.

More like phat!

Andrew Joseph

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