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Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Japanese Say Godzilla Looks Fat & Global Release Dates

Let's file this story under "Boy, you've got to carry that weight".

Godzilla - the 2014 movie opening up everywhere in a couple of weeks - except Japan - nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah-na! - certainly has a lot of hype to live up to.

After a string of financial successes (I assume), but little fanfare, as the two previous American Godzilla monster movies fared poorly as far as plot goes, the radioactive heat is on the Godzilla 2014 reboot.... the 60th anniversary of the Japanese-made Godzilla flick that re-created the monster movie.

No longer was it about Abbot & Costello chasing a tired Boris Karloff Mummy, but now it was all about Japanese actors in large runner suits destroying miniature versions of Japan.

Yeah... Godzilla has a lot of heavy baggage around its neck, as it has to love up to that.

Well... actually... if you have ever seen the original Japanese flick with English subtitles, you will know that it had a superb script! It really was a 'horror' movie!

But perhaps it's just sour grapes by the Japanese kaiju (monsters with men in them) fans, who are upset that the US has once again taken over their franchise... or perhaps because they have to wait longer than anyone else on the planet to see the movie... whatever it is, they are already complaining that Godzilla 2014 is fat.

As in overweight... looking a bit pudgy. 

That’s apparently a complaint that’s started rumbling overseas in the fictional creature’s native Japan, where longtime Godzilla fans are murmuring that Edwards’ U.S. remake made the big guy a bit too ... well ... “fat.”

After seeing trailers for the 2014 version of Godzilla, some Japanese fans are laughing at the kaiju (lit. strange creature) saying that the King Henry VIII of monsters is fat from the neck down with a huge ass.

In keeping with that fine bit of derision, the these same folks have come up with a nickname for the new American version of Godzilla, calling him "Godzilla Deluxe."

Geez... maybe it lost something in translation.

I'm pretty sure that in English, 'deluxe' means luxurious and elegant.

Godzilla Deluxe? Okay... I get it it...but surely you can come up with something funnier or more hurtful.

While I can see your point from the photo I have posted above, I instead point out that THIS Godzilla is NOT fat.

He's just big boned.

Or maybe he/she is bloated after eating Japanese. I used to get that way sometimes after eating too much Japanese food. I suppose in this case it might come from eating too much Japanese AS food - but semantics.

Look... I'm sure by the time the movie ends, the 2014 Godzilla will have lost some weight after smashing and puking radioactive fire all over... well... whatever city it is he's attacking.

Cripes... you are laughing at a radioactive giant reptile for looking fat? You guys know he's not real, right? So there is no right or wrong way to portray him.

Still... I'm pretty sure that even in those old Godzilla flicks... when God (he let's me call him that) was standing on his two rubbery feet, his head was small relative to his ass.

Let's see the movie first before your bitch about it.

Anyhow... you don't hear me, in Canada whining that Germany gets to see the movie on May 15, while almost the rest of the world (not you, Japan) gets to see it on May 16. Hey! Didn't we WIN the war?

So... when does Japan get to see Godzilla?

Here's the release dates by country:

May 14
Belgium
Egypt
Finland
France
Sweden
Switzerland (but only the French-speaking region)

May 15
Argentina
Australia
Bolivia
Brazil
Chile
Croatia
Czech Republic
Denmark, Germany
Greece
Hong Kong
Hungary
Israel
Italy
Lebanon
Macedonia
Malaysia
Mexico
Netherlands
New Zealand
Peru
Philippines
Portugal
Puerto Rico
Russia
Serbia
Singapore
Slovakia
Slovenia
Switzerland (German-speaking region)
Thailand
Ukraine
United Arab Emirates
United Kingdom

May 16
Austria
Bulgaria
Canada
Colombia
Cyprus
Estonia
Iceland
India
Indonesia
Ireland
Latvia
Lithuania
Norway
Panama
Poland
Romania
South Africa
Spain
Turkey
United States of America
Uruguay
Venezuela
Vietnam

May 19
Bangladesh

May 22
Cambodia

June 13
China

July 25
Japan

Hmmm... I can see why the Japanese people are pissed already. 

And, just for fun, while most of us will see the movie entitled Godzilla, not everyone will.

In Serbia and Lithuania it is Gozila. In Russia, it is Годзилла. In Japan it is Gojira.

The US of A working title for movie was: Nautilus.

The film is a co-production between Legendary Pictures and Warner Bros. Pictures, the latter of which will also distribute the film worldwide, except in Japan where it will be distributed by Toho - so blame Toho!

Or maybe you should thank Toho!

Japan will have re-releases of a whole lot of the original series of Godzilla movies - it actually started in January of this year... I call it Toho's radioactive warm-up for Japanese audiences.

Perhaps they are merely saving the best for last.

I hope to see the movie - but I'm not a first day kind of guy. I actually didn't see Star Wars (came out in 1977) until 1978. I'm way too cool to have to see anything. It's why I need glasses over my contact lenses.

Cheers,
Andrew Joseph

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