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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

No Homosexuals In Nintendo's Tomodachi Life - No Biggie

Nintendo says no to virtual same-sex relationships in Tomodachi Life

I'm not sure how to respond to this story.

Number one, I have no problem with people's view on religion, sexual orientation, race, politics, choice of video game consoles - whatever, it's your choice and I'm all for people having a choice in how they choose to live their life, as long as they are mentally capable of properly making said choices.

Number two, this story is about a video game that has already appeared in Japan a year ago, and is probably only being revamped to have English placed in it as opposed to Japanese.

Number three, no major refurbishment of the video games graphics or concepts was probably planned for by Nintendo at that time.

Number four, actually Nintendo said no to same-sex sexual relationships in the video game. You can have a relationship with whomever you want in the game.

Number five, this game is called Tomodachi Life, literally Friend Life, so why would sexual relationships be a part of the whole friendship thing? I suppose I am one of those guys who does not believe that he can be friends with a woman without sex entering the picture… but the women… they have no problem in being friends without sex entering the picture.

Number sex, I mean six... if you take a look at the box cover for the upcoming Tomodachi Life game, speaking in a non-sexual way, it looks pretty gay despite the lack of homosexuality in it. By that I mean, the non-sexual term implies that this game is lame. Look after them (characters), nurture their friendships and watch the unexpected unfold.

Number seven, People... get a life... a real one, not a simulated pixelated one.

So why would anyone care if a character in this video game can have a sexual homosexual relationship?

In this screen shot of Nintendo's Tomodachi Life, it seems as though men are not invited to this all-girl dance-off - and who's that slutty-looking girl in the hat? She makes me feel all funny inside. 
And so, we come to the crux of the story:

In the upcoming video game Tomodachi Life under the Nintendo gaming systems, we have a so-called 'life-simulation' game where some people were begging Nintendo to allow gamers the option of running a gay/lesbian character.

Nintendo has said 'no'… and while the explanation in the next two paragraphs is non-inflammatory, I would urge disappointed gaymers to instead review points #2 and #3 that I suggested above.

According to a Nintendo of America Inc. statement on the subject, "The relationship options in the game represent a playful alternate world rather than a real-life simulation.

“We hope that all of our fans will see that ‘Tomodachi Life’ was intended to be a whimsical and quirky game, and that we were absolutely not trying to provide social commentary.”

Fair enough. I don't play video games to play reality, BUT, I do agree with gaymers (my term) that it would be nice to be able to play a credible character that looks or acts like you… though again… in a 'real-life' video game where is the 'escapism' that is involved?

I suppose that the escapism COULD have been for someone who is not yet out of the proverbial closet to enjoy the real-life scenario more… the real world is scary enough as it is, without having to hide the real you from everyone.

Anyhow… stolen from Wikipedia, Tomodachi Life, (in Japan its Tomodachi Collection: New Life aka トモダチコレクション 新生活 Tomodachi Korekushon: Shin Seikatsu), is a life simulation handheld video game developed and published by Nintendo for the Nintendo 3DS.

In my day, I played Sim City, but I never cared that there weren't any Brown Canadian sims in the game….

Tomodachi Life is a direct sequel to the Japan-exclusive Nintendo DS title, Tomodachi Collection.

The Japanese version of Tomodachi Life was first released in Japan on April 18, 2013, and is slated to be released in North America and Europe on June 6, 2014.

This is the first Tomodachi game to be released outside of Japan. The Japanese version, as of December 31, 2013 has sold 1.82 million of the games.

Tomodachi, by the way, is the Japanese word for 'friend'.

In Tomodachi Life, regardless of one's race, gender or sexual orientation, gamers will find themselves on the mythical island of Chin.

The place is already populated with Mii's (pronounced Me's), and is a nice spin off word from Nintendo's Wii gaming system (a system that I feel does not cater enough to the more serious gamer, what with its kiddie-looking, non-realistic graphics).

Anyhow, the gamer can import their own Miis from their 3DS, Kapusta device, other devices, or QR codes, or create from scratch using the 3DS' camera or the in-game creation tools.

These Miis can be given their own voice, which is spoken in vocal synthesizer software, and a unique personality based on slider inputs given.
In this screen capture from Tomodachi Life, we can tell from the headgear of the two men on the roller coaster that just because you have a viking helmet, it does not make one look butch, and that any sort of animal ears make one look effeminate - so hey... homosexual gaymers... even though the game will not allow you to walk the walk, you can at least look the part. You'll notice that that there are no women in this scene... just men out having a good time with other men. 
Not sure what a slider input is? I play (on the Sony PlayStation systems) 2014 MLB The Show. There you can create a baseball player… using a sliding scale to affect height, weight, eye color, hair, and skin tone. Then you can slide a bar up and down to show the character's starting abilities… such as defense, running, base-running, throwing, and so on.

In Tomodachi Life, you won't be able to create a real life gay Mii—well... actually you can, but you just won't be able to have a homosexual relationship NOR even tell the video game that you are gay, so you can't even act (if that's the word) as a real-life gay or lesbian.

Wow… it really does suck to be you. But don't worry… this is Nintendo's first attempt at bringing this game to audiences outside of Japan. It's just a minor vocal revamp to turn the Japanese language in the game into English.

If Nintendo doesn't provide gamers with a more life-like game of Tomodachi next time, then you can feel truly slighted.

But really… are you fighting for equal rights or because you really want to be a gay character? It didn't upset me at all that I had to be a Japanese female anime character for over 200 hours of game play of Final Fantasy X-2! No! I just enjoyed the gentle zephyr winds blowing up my skirt.

Anyhow… perhaps because I prefer my games to have action in them or at least some puzzles to solve, I'm not sure I truly understand the attraction to the Tomodachi video game line - the same way I don't understand people's love of so-called 'reality' television.

Real-life scenarios with 20 people living in a house while being filmed? When was real-life ever like that? Stuck on a remote island with two groups playing games to see who has to leave the island next? Reality? Really? Kill a pig, kill a pig. If you don't know what that means, then you have no concept of what real human behavior is like when placed in a situation such as being left on a deserted island.

But in Tomodachi Life, players get to do such exciting things as: eating, trying on different outfits, falling in love with someone of the opposite sex, and other such leisure activities. Forgive me while I yawn.

Do you know what might be more exciting than that? Anything. Have real sex with a woman. Or, if that's impossible, pay someone for the honor… or masturbate. It works for me. I'm telling you - those gentle zephyrs…

But really? Fall in love with someone? Does anyone think this video game can capture that little flutter in your heart, the tremor in one's voice when you speak to them, than angst, the anxiety, the unbridled joy one gets when they drop you a message to let them know they are thinking of you, or how about the heat generated from touching the skin, the feeling of the hair on your arm spiking upwards from just being in the same general vicinity as someone you like, or how about tasting their cinnamon lipstick, smelling their shampoo in their hair or just having fireworks explode behind your eyes and in your head after that first kiss, and how about the feeling you get when you realize the person you like feels exactly the same way about you?!

That's real life. So is having to foot the dinner bill every night or every week at the movies. So is having your own bag of popcorn. So is the toilet seat being left up, the shower curtain left scrunched up after opening, so is the toilet bowl being splattered with something unrecognizable.

It goes on and on... and if you think Tomodachi Life needs to imitate real life, that's only because you lack one of your own.

Three out of five Mii video game characters broke their neck in this scene owing to the 'realistic' and life-like over-sized melons Nintendo calls a 'head' in Tomodachi Life. Which button do I press to kill myself?
According to Wikipedia… whose job it appears is to NOT over-sell Tomodachi Life: as more Miis are introduced, many strange and curious interactions can occur between Miis, such as friendship, rivalry, bizarre musical numbers, and more.

So we've gone from falling in love to friendship. That's sounds about right. I'm not even going to make a crack about the 'bizarre musical numbers, which I suspect are not a variation of 9/8 time. That's a time signature joke, son.

Anyhow… I'm just saying… for all you gaymers and gamers… get a life. A real one. I'm pretty damn sure that real life is more interesting than Tomodachi Life.

Christina Aguilera WILL for realsies appear as a Guest Celebrity in Tomodachi Life. In this screen shot, just like in real life Christina is able to blow snot bubbles and has a flat and uninteresting chest. Hell... this Mii looks like either Debbie Gibson or Tiffany from the 1980s - whichever one of them wore the hats and like to blow snot bubbles.  
Oh… and as for me, even though I couldn't find a skin tone in 2013 and 2014 MLB The Show to match my own, I did create a baseball pitcher that looks exactly like me and plays exactly like me.

In the 2013 version, he's 6'-4", 220 lbs, throws left-handed, and along with being the Rookie of the Year, Cy Young and MVP Award winner for six straight MLB seasons and named to the NL All-Star team six times and batted over 300 each year with an average of 12 home runs (I only get to pitch and play in 34 games a year - prorated over 162 games it makes me the greatest home run hitter EVER - suck it Barry Bonds and Hank Aaron!).

Wait... it doesn't? Okay... maybe the greatest pitcher turned batter ever!

Wait? Babe who? Babe Ruth? is that a man's name?  

On the downside, my pitcher has never won a Gold Glove for defensive proficiency but I have come close two times. I have thrown six no-hitters including one perfect game and have only lost two games in the six+ years I have played, (both in first year only) and have three or four 30-win seasons. I've even taken the Miami Marlins to the World Series championship once. I'm better than Babe Ruth, Cy Young, Christy Matheson and Mordecai Three-Finger Brown all-rolled into one.


So yeah… video games can be exactly as real life as your imagination will take you. Exactly. Can you smell my sarcasm?

Don't sweat the small stuff gaymers. Are you sure you wish to be associated with this game, or is it all about equal rights and this is just a large target?

Fighter pilots needed in sector wars,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Is it just me, but does every character in this Tomodachi Life video game look like they are 11-years-old? Except for the one's with the mustache, who look like child molesters...
I like Nintendo - I really do (I've owned Japanese and western game systems right through until they introduced the Wii)... but Tomodachi Life? Come on! If you want to try a fun game, try playing ANY of the LEGO games... or maybe any of the Mario games... or even Bass Fishing if you don't like baiting your own hook. The Need For Speed games are all fun, where, just like in real life you can drive an exotic car at breakneck speeds around the city roads and highways, crashing but not having the messy option of killing myself. Come on... where's the reality in that? Video games are meant to relax and have fun with - an escape from reality.  

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