Search This Blog & Get A Rife

Friday, June 13, 2014

A Japanese Joke - The Time Of The Samurai

First off... the headline does not mean I am calling the age of the samurai a joke, rather that this is a joke taking place in an era I call: The Time of the Samurai.

Preamble before the joke...

Because I understand not everyone in the world cares to watch soccer, and that life does indeed go on when sporting events such as the 2014 FIFA World Cup are taking place, let's see is we can have a few laughs with some funny stuff over the next few weeks.

I have to work, and when I get home there's either baseball or soccer games to coach for my son—and since he's not part of the community soccer this year, he's made it abundantly clear that I have to make it up to him by doing more with him when I am around.

I don't mind that—as long as it doesn't involve me watching him play Minecraft on the vid system. When the hell did it become cool for kids privy to the most awesome video game graphics to want to play a NEW game that looks, sounds and feels like something out of 1983 with its Pablo Picasso cubist graphics?!

Anyhow... as far as what I'll be doing here... creating some extra laughs... that might mean some amusing jokes, riddles, weirdly amusing stories, or just some cool stuff found by you that you think I might enjoy sharing.

Having said that, let's take a look at an amusing story I once heard, that comes under the category of joke. I have re-written it to provide better structure:

It was the Time of the Samurai, which if you know anything about Japanese history, is kind of a vague time period, as samurai—Japanese warriors with superb skill with the sword et al—have been abundant since 1185-1868 (officially).

Right... the joke. Okay...

It was was the time of the samurai...

The Japanese Emperor, always a wise and powerful man, wanted to find a new head samurai to lead his armies and so sent out a declaration throughout the country saying any interested individual should come to the palace on November 8, some five months away.

At the appointed date, as the sun slowly rose in the east—though no one saw it thanks to the perpetual cloud cover hanging over the capital that year—three samurai warriors sat in seiza (formal sitting posture), patiently awaiting their summons for their job interview.

The Emperor bade his servants to call forth the first samurai to come and demonstrate just why he should be the new head samurai under the Emperor.

Bowing deeply, the samurai opens a small wooden box, releasing a common housefly—tiny, even by housefly standards.

WHOOSH! goes the samurai's katana sword as it slices through the air.

The fly drops dead, cleaved upon the ground in two equal pieces.

The Emperor peers closely at the carnage and exclaims: "That is very impressive!"

The Emperor bade his servants to call forth the second samurai to come and demonstrate just why he should be the new head samurai under the Emperor.

Bowing deeply, the second samurai opens a small wooden box of his own, releasing another common housefly—equally as tiny as the previous.

WHOOSH! WHOOSH! goes the samurai's katana sword, as it slices through the air twice.

The fly drops dead, cleaved upon the ground in four equal quarters.

The Emperor peers closely at the carnage and exclaims: "That is truly very impressive!"

The Emperor bade his servants to call forth the third samurai to come and demonstrate just why he should be the new head samurai under the Emperor.

Bowing deeply, the third samurai opens his own small wooden box, releasing yet another common housefly—the same size as the other two.

WHOOSSHH! WHOOSSHH! WHOOSSHH! WHOOSSHH! goes the samurai's katana sword too quickly for the eye to see.

A gust of wind catches the folds of the Emperor's yukata robe...

... but the fly is still alive, buzzing around the head of the annoyed Emperor.

The Emperor, obviously disappointed after witnessing the exploits of the other two candidates, asks the third samurai: "After all of that, why is the fly not dead?"

With an unblinking eye, the third samurai snatches the fly from the air waits a moment until the fly settles, and then opens his hand as he bows deeply from the waist—holding the position.

The third samurai says, "If your Majesty will look closely, he will see that the fly has now been circumcised."

Oy vey!
Andrew Joseph

No comments:

Post a Comment