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Monday, September 1, 2014

Crappy News Causes Run On Toilet Paper In Japan

Stating that the Japanese people should always be prepared in the case of another natural disaster, Japan's federal government rolled out its public awareness program “Let’s Stockpile Toilet Paper.”

The movement is meant to quell any unrest amongst the public during another disaster, like what happened back on March 11, 2011 when a toilet paper shortage threatened to wipe out thousands of years of Japanese civilization.

Okay.. not quite... but the government wants its people to have enough material to wipe its butt the next time the sh! hits the fan.

I have a million of 'em.

The Let's Stockpile Toilet Paper, in cooperation with the Japan Household Paper Industry Association, has basically caused a mild panic in Japan, as people are rushing around buying up as much toilet paper as they can get their hands on.

To me, it's all a crock of sh!t.

It's yet another plan to stimulate the economy by causing false panic amongst the masses.

I would think that it would be better to tell people to stockpile bottled water, or canned goods of food first.

Hell, if you need to wipe your butt, surely there are those phone book Japanese manga (comic books) with 300+ pages of crap already on them that might suffice.

You can tell I am not a huge fan of manga. I do like certain manga comics and the manga toilet paper, pictured above, however.

There is already a boost in the fortunes of such Japanese companies as Nippon Paper Industries Co., Daio Paper Corp. and Oji Holdings Corp. - all Japanese firms that manufacture toilet tissue paper.

In case you aren't aware, apparently the Japanese aren't taking a crap as much as they used to, as sales of toilet paper have actually flattened since March of 2014.

Enter the Abe Shinzo (surname first) government of Japan's Prime Minister who sees a healthy economy as the way to ensure a healthy Japan. He's right, of course, but by causing a panic to stimulate sales is just nasty.

But is it a warning for real or a fake panic meant for something nefarious?

Shizuoka-ken, which produces some 40 percent of Japan's toilet paper is in the Tokai region, an area prone to earthquakes... so, if the Earth has a bowel movement there, a shortage could be in the cards.    
The goal is to convince households to have enough toilet paper in reserve to last a month, which is how long it would be expected to take for factories to resume production or sufficient imports to be secured, all of which will provide a boost to an industry suffering the doldrums.

Look, I encountered my very first earthquake in Japan while I was sitting on the toilet... and I can tell you my sphincter tightened up so much that I didn't feel like I was ever going to go again.

But... I can see the appeal of having a few dozen rolls in the house, and in the event of a natural disaster, I have 50 mint copies of Marvel Comics Dazzler #1 I can use one sheet at a time. Come on... a disco mutant super-hero? What was I thinking? Fifty effing copies...

Along with bottled water, canned foods, a flashlight with extra batteries, a battery-operated radio, and even a cell phone - which I lack, being one of seven people on the planet without one - that's what you might need in the event of a natural disaster.

Perhaps the government should also tell people to do that FIRST.

Because they didn't, I smell something... fishy.

Andrew Joseph

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