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Sunday, November 2, 2014

Sleeping Around In Japan - The Numbers Game

I was recently contacted by a reader of this blog - thank-you - who asked me a very straightforward question... about how often I seemed to have sex with women during my three years in Japan.

I actually answered him/her - I assume it was a 'he' - within the reply of a blog I wrote over a year ago - but I think it bears further review or view by more than just the two of us.

Question/Statement from Anonymous:
Huge fan of your blog. Really jumping the gun on this question, but you stated you had sexual relations with 30 women over 3 years with a year of loyalty to Nobuko and another 6 month relationship. So were you having sex approximately 4 times a week with a different girl each time? If so wow you much respect. Just curious.

First off... I'm not checking his numbers - but was it really that often? It doesn't sound correct - not four women a week. I'm good, but I'm not Wilt Chamberlain in any way, shape or form. Look up his record for scoring - and I'm not talking about basketball.

For myself, I did sleep around a fair bit in Japan. Why? I was lonely and afraid and I was afraid of being lonely.

I was 25 years, nine months old when I arrived in Japan back in 1990, and I had never slept with a woman before that. And not by personal choice, let me tell ya. I had been girl hungry for 15 years before that. It's just that I could have exploded in flames in the school cafeteria and no one would have noticed. I have the emotional scars of teen angst to prove it. 

That changed a few weeks into my eventual three-year stay in Japan.

That first year, I had a girlfriend - and American woman who was a JET participant. She and I were like oil and water - you can stir it together and it appears to mix well, but eventually it separates into its individual components.

Because she was my first... and I was in a strange country... and had enough self-doubt to wonder if I would ever find another girlfriend again... I always wanted her back - even though she would break up with me maybe six times or so over that first year. I never knew why she would break up with me - probably I was too clingy, or maybe it was just her. Whatever. Water under the bridge.

That first break-up was the day before I was to leave for a JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme conference for AETs (assistant English teachers) in the northeast section of Honshu (I was living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken... a small farming city of 50,000 people... a city whose name actually translates into Big - Rice Field - Field)... while I was in shock when I arrived a day early at the conference, I had other concerns.

One of those concerns was the fact that I was arriving early because I was to speak at a seminar - to describe how easy it has been for me to teach at my seven junior high schools. How the hell I ever got roped into that one I'll never know, but apparently I made a huge impression during the first couple of days in Tokyo when I first arrived, as I was loose, at ease, funny and even amusing - even when hammered drunk from lots of Japanese beer.

Or perhaps it was because our prefecture JET leader knew I had a crush on her and easily manipulated me into doing whatever she wanted knowing she was safe because she had a boyfriend. Sigh... It was probably this paragraph that contains the correct answer, even though I had more of a crush on her fellow AET and best female friend there.

So... minus one girlfriend... plus one day early... some very sexy AET from a neighboring prefecture took a fancy to my humorous chatter and ability to stand up (read what you will in to that) while having drunk my weight in sake (rice wine)... and after lots of hanky-panky with this 10-year-older-than-me JILF (JET I'd Like To XXXX) from Edmonton... we made plans to continue this hanky-panky and hook up later at my place the weekend after the conference.

One of the best things Miss Edmonton did for me, was the fact that Ashley saw me with her... with her wearing one of my sweaters. Ashley must have been jealous. Miss Edmonton and I only got to 3rd base.

Anyhow... conference over... I'm back home... the next day I have a school party for teachers that I attend... and get drunk, wittily and verbally defend the honor of a female phys ed teacher and then take that honor and throw it out the window as she became the second woman and first Japanese woman to sleep with me.

The next night... Miss Edmonton arrived via train from her prefecture to my apartment. Number 3.

The next morning my boss showed up and dragged me to a homestay at his house... as Miss Edmonton was then left to leave my apartment after just a one-night stand. I had no idea I had a homestay - because I didn't speak any Japanese back then. All I wanted to do was have a homestay in my own home withe the good people of Edmonton. Or maybe have an hour's sleep after a night of being up.

I was dropped off back at my apartment by my boss on Sunday... dead tired... and wanting nothing more to get some sleep... as I stripped off my clothes in the living room, a soft 'hi' from behind me nearly caused me to crap the only piece of clothing I was then wearing.

It was Ashley wanting to get back together. So we did... three women in four days... or sex four days in a row...

That type of stuff happened often. Sort of. Whenever Ashley would dump me, it was like every single woman (I assume they were single) in Ohtawara would know about it and I would be inundated with propositions. Really. I don't frickin' understand it. It was the Ohtawara grapevine and I was ripe to be plucked or spelling similar.

Maybe it was because I sounded like a gaijin (outsider/foreigner) but I didn't look the great White Hope American image that the Japanese had of foreigners - and yet, not only could I speak English, but I had an earring (a big deal in Japan back then), grew my hair long (also kind of a big deal back then in Japan), was always smiling, always looked women right in the eye - and maintained it when they would shyly look away - keeping it there until they would shy look back - and then smile even more. Note that I am not a big 'show your teeth' kind of smiler.

Girlfriends in Japan? After Ashley - for let's say one year, I had a crazy time with Junko for a few months where I learned a lot more about the still fun but darker side of sex, and then six months or more with the beautiful Noboko... a woman who... well... the gods (plural) must have been smiling on me for a while.

Anyhow... back to Ashley... the second year of our stay in Japan, she and I would hook up, but we weren't a couple - it was just a comfort thing. Sex. No strings attached.

Noboko - yes, six months... one girlfriend for a few months, a pair in Thailand - and yeah... pretty much the rest were one-night stands.

So... by my count, I had 15 months of one-night stands between Junko (plenty of strings attached. And ropes) and Noboko... and maybe there were about 25 women in that period...

So really... maybe one new woman every three weeks? I did did have repeats with many of them, however... but at that time I was lonely... lonely after Ashley went home after year two, and wary of clingy women after a disastrous relationship with Junko who essentially stalked me to the point where she dropped out of university and I had to get help from my bosses to get her away from me.

Yeah... I had to get her away from me because we were having sex all night... and while completely enjoyable, I was near useless as a teacher during the day... and I just wanted to sleep... by myself... you have no idea just how stupid that all sounds now, when I think that now I wouldn't mind that situation from 22 years ago.

As I told my questioner... how the heck did I sleep with so many women - being faithful while a boyfriend to my girlfriend...

I don't understand it. I wasn't any great looker... could barely speak the language... and yet, I could go and hang-out at a bar by myself (usually) drinking quietly... and I would be approached.

It is why I (and I suppose others) have called Japan - Disneyland for adults.

To my questioner - there is no need for the respect, though - not for that stuff.

I was just lonely and I was a good communicator - perhaps better than most other gaijin in Japan at that time.

I sometimes wonder if it all happened because I was like some exotic fruit (more than a grape) that everyone wanted to sample - word got around from a satisfied date (fruit or otherwise) - and everyone wanted to go on the ride.

All I had to do was just sit on a stool in a bar (always the same bar). The Japanese women would come up to me.

For me - and I know no one believes me - I know I am a shy person. I have always felt, however, that after that initial 'hello' that I could literally charm or talk the pants off anyone.

It's not 100% guaranteed, but it seems as though I did and do possess the Blarney's Stone's gift of gab - even though I've never been to Ireland.

Whatever... I do know that I can turn it on and off at will... except when I have to write a blog.

Andrew Joseph
PS: For more fun, read my "You Know What I Hate" blog on what pissed me off on Halloween - HERE.
Or you can read bout what's new about aviation history in my blog "Pioneers Of Aviation" - HERE

1 comment:

  1. Talked the pants off of me. And at work at that. It was kinda awkward but whatever. The man is charming.