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Saturday, December 13, 2014

Breast Massager Makes Boobs Grow

Yo, bra… would you like your Japanese girlfriend or wife to have bigger boobs? Are you interested in ogling Japanese honeys with crippling arthritis (you have to picture me with my hands held several inches away from my chest, fingers in a death grip as though I was holding watermelon-sized wads of money)?

Japanese women, are you interested in dispelling that myth uttered by gaijin men: "No tits, no ass—no interest"?

Would you like to have boobs that enter a room one whole second before you do?

Well… now everyone can get what they want!

Boobs! Glorious Boobs! (sung to the tune of one of those old Oliver Twist musical tunes)

Now… me… I prefer a nice round onion - I'm not a chest fella, but I wouldn't say no to a little bit a stuff - ahhh, not many, 'cause I ain't gettin' any (to quote the Monks in their I Ain't Getting Any song)

Although I have dated a few women involved in the exotic dancing stage involving the brass pole, I've only been with one woman with fake boobs.

Yeah, they look spectacular, but everyone can tell when a woman over 35 has fake boobs… or even younger, thanks to excessive lifting and separation… and maybe because I'm old school, I've never cared for the feel of floating tennis balls in a flesh sack.

Now… I said I've only been with one woman with fake boobs—but I've certainly had a hand on many more in both a retail and non-retail market.

I'm a naturalist, preferring a minimal amount of make-up - I like to see what I'm getting into. Having said that, there are many women out there who hate the fact that they have a small set of boobs. Sorry - not me. I'm shallow, to be sure, but I'm not that shallow.

I'd rather know the person and feel the energy from that person than be so fricking shallow as to discount a person because of the size of their boobs, or hair color, though I do draw the line at stupidity. Naive is fine, stupid is not.

Of course… that energy does include a sexual energy, intelligence, sense of humor, looks - I suppose that's the shallow part, voice, sparkle in the eyes, and the most important part—they don't think I'm a complete dink.

So… what's a woman to do? Granted not every small-breasted woman out there is sitting around waiting for me to meet them (you can contact me, I suppose), and granted having small breasts makes them feel somehow less a woman (you are not), you either can't afford breast implants or are afraid to now that I've said I don't care for them… what's a woman to do?

Massage them.No... don't text message them... massage... rub them.

Now… ever since my clam digger started moving up in the world, I have had a fond interest in getting my hands on a woman's breasts.

Granted that took until I was around 22, but even then I knew that the mere act of massaging a woman's breasts was therapeutic, thanks to one-handed reading of Playboy, Penthouse and High Society (plus Hustler, Chic Oui, Celebrity Beaver, Spank, and dozens of other dirty little magazines that helped me keep my virginal virginity from getting too out of hand.) 

As well, I have been trying to tell women for years that when you let me massage your breasts, I can guarantee growth.

Admittedly I was talking about personal growth rather than breast size, but tomayto, tomahto, or apples and oranges, if you prefer.

Anyhow, some 20 ears after I departed the snow-cupped mountains of Japan, some crazy bugger over there has finally comp up with a way to replace the much missed grasp I had on the women of Japan.

For a mere US $26, you can get a plastic boob massager that you can apparently utilize to make your boobs grow.

Yup…  the Oppaitaisou HAND, produced by Shindo Takiko (surname first)…which if you look at the female model in the photo at the very top, you'll notice she probably doesn't really need to use one of these things, of you've got to hand it to her, she's used it, and it works. Tremendously.

Huh… I would have bet your life that it was invented by a horny man or a lesbian… though I suppose Shindo-chan might be one of those.

According to the video below, minimal usage caused one woman's boobs to grow 3-centimeters, which is quite impressive, because it's better than it not growing, or worse yet, shrinking from embarrassment.

Anyhow, from what I can tell, the whole boob massage thing is perhaps better at growing things when another woman massages your breasts… at least that's what I felt after watching the video.

What's interesting is the fact that the women performing the boob exercises is expected to massage the flesh from the back of the chest, also known as the back, pulling the skin, and fatty parts around to the front with the non-sweaty plastic fingers of the Oppaitaisou HAND.

The fingers are then supposed to be able to grab the fleshy ant hills from the side pulling them around to the front of the chest, known as the front of the chest.

Next, the Oppaitaisou HAND manipulator is supposed to place the device around the bottom outer edge of the boobs and pull it up and in - and then repeat as desired until you orgasm… or whatever it is that Shindo-chan says you should do… I'm not listening because I don't understand Japanese.

This is supposed to turn those A-minus cups into mountains of juggling sweater puppets.

Does it work?

Who the fug knows, but I would bet it doesn't.

If merely grabbing onto a desired body part and massaging it with one's fingers and hand would make it grow larger, then every guy would have a penis that would poke him in the eye should he ever have enough bloodflow to have an erection that wouldn't cause him to pass out.

I know… two different body parts…

A woman's breasts are made of fat. I suppose one could add more fat to their body and by addition one's boobs would get bigger - though through observation, it's not always a proportional increase. It's not like a very large woman has to have very large breasts…

But… a long time ago when I was single, I was working out at the gym six times a week, 120 minutes a day doing card for an hour a day, and alternating upper and lower body weights each day. I was sucking back protein drinks, creatine/phosphagen and some of those watchamacallits, steroids in an effort to get bigger. I did. So did my ego.

But I did notice that those women who were serious workers at the gym - not those soaking themselves in perfume - gahhhh! - but those who were interested in putting on so much muscle that only a specific selection of people would dare call them unfeminine for fear of being pummeled to death… they had huge chests… but I'd bet their cup size was smaller. Less fat.

So… here's what I think is going on… I think that the constant massage engorges the blood vessels under the skin in the breastesses area that artificially plumps the breasts while they are being measured.

Of course I ain't no scientific, whatchamacallit, scientist… so I have no idea if my explanation is so full of breast milk as the whole concept of the breast enlarger Oppaitaisou HAND appears to be on the surface.

As usual, except when it's not, this article of mine is entirely tongue in cheek, even though the topic is supposed to be of a real Japanese product.

I personally doubt it works, but don't let me stop you from trying if that is what you wish to try. It's inexpensive, but truthfully, the whole thing looks like something you could have more fun doing with a partner.

Andrew Joseph

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