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Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Too Shy To Call A Waiter? There's An App For That!

People assume I'm loud and boorish, and perhaps I am - but I am actually shy… so you can't judge a blog writer by his blogs.

Knowing that there are many, many shy people out there - some who are too shy to call a waiter/server over… well, like the blog title says, there's an App for that.

What's a guy supposed to do? Do I click my fingers annoyingly? Gawd, no. Do I raise my hand like I want to tell my Grade 2 teacher that I want to use the washroom? Do I clear my throat like I'm choking on a chicken bone in my steak? Do I tray and talk to them with a "Hi" as they scamper in other directions helping everyone else? Do I simply stare at them with my deep brown eyes - penetrating their soul… screaming internally… until I make eye contact and then give the raised chin nod?

And what if you are in Japan?

All the guess work is now taken out of one's imagination and is handled by a new App called Suimasen Daiko, which translates to "Excuse Me Agent"… which sounds impolite, but what the heck, you aren't actually audibly saying anything… your phone is.

Tap a button on the App, and your phone will belt out: "すいませ~~~ん!” (Suimasen - excuse me).

Does it come in a man's voice or is it just that annoying fake high-pitched subservient Japanese female voice?

It comes in both.

In fact, there is also an ikemen voice… a more cool voice, and by that I mean young adult cool-voice mode, so you youths don't have to sound like an adult. Ikemen is a Japanese term used to ascribe 'cool, good-looking guys'.

Should that not be sufficient, you could also use a bell or a buzzer button on the App to draw attention to yourself and your desire for some ketchup to put on your rice.

As for volume controls… just to avoid things getting out of hand by annoying teenagers and drunken Japanese business men, the Suimasen Daiko App wisely comes with three scene settings, such as 'quiet cafe' or 'noisy izakaya'. An izakaya is a Japanese drinking establishment that serves food with your drinks… different from the western bars that serve stale peanuts and pickled eggs with your beer in a dank establishment. The dank… the dank.
Which one is the cool ikemen one? Would a ikemen actually wear a bolo tie (I have one, but haven't worn it since the '80s back when I also purchased a pair of diamondback rattlesnake cowboy boots - don't ask), a cheesy mustache and that hat - what's up with that hat? Pure cheese, man. Would an ikemen wear a bow tie and a tux with white lapels - that's a three-piece suit on the right!? Aren't they out of style?
Suimasen Daikō is from Little Light, Inc., and is available on iTunes.

If you visit the iTunes site, you'll see where I lifted the graphics above… note how the 'human' image is a ventriloquist's dummy… speaking for you with your words in a different voice.

Creepy, but effective.

A-B-C-gurgle-gurgle-gurgle-D-E,
Andrew Joseph

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