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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Feeling Sad - Talk To Someone

I do not and will not pretend to understand depression.

I have certainly felt sad for myself and wondered why the hell I couldn't succeed. For me it was simply because I didn't focus on what needed to be done.

I did, and turned things around for myself. I should add that I do not suffer from any chemical imbalance or metal health issue. Sometimes, things pile up, and we get flustered.

As a typical teenager, I had dark thoughts rumble through my brain, but never acted on them - perhaps because I was always able to see the big picture, even if it took awhile...

As for those with chemical imbalances leading to depression, bi-polar or schizophrenia or other more complex diseases I can't even begin to fathom... I just want to say please talk to someone... a family member, a friend or a professional care worker. They can help.

I did not mention co-worker, because why muddy up things at work. Unless the friend you trust is someone you work with...

I'm writing this because recently an anonymous reader wrote to me telling me of their desire to kill them self.

I find it both disheartening and euphoric that someone opened up - even a little - to me about their problem.

I would call it a cry for help... as above, perhaps reaching out to some dumb ass blogger was a start in admitting there is a crisis... and just need affirmation that there is help available... I tried to do that in my response... and I'm attempting to do that again here.

I drank myself into a tizzy while in Japan that second year of three I lived there. My cat died, a friend died, my grandfather died all within a few weeks of each other.Not to mention the on-again off-again relationship I had with a woman, everything just felt like it was out of my control.

The thing I have come to realize, is that you can NEVER control life... all you can do is prepare yourself to the best of your ability to roll with whatever it throws at you.

Discounting the fact that my roof leaks in multiple spots and that it rained this past weekend for 36 hours straight, let's look at a small part of the past two weeks. My wife was expecting to be paid for a part-time job she did, but for whatever reason she was (and still) not... I had expected the payday, and so knowing I didn't have to save as much money as usual went and got my cracked car windshield fixed. I figured it would be a $100 insurance deductible, but that was under my dad's insurance... under my wife's and mine, it's $300... that's not $200 less left than I expected. (Again this is just one incident - and not all of the things that did not go according to Hoyle.)

As bad as I was, a friend told me he had over extended himself too... and had no money for five days until his pay day. And no food.

We do what we do... and so we help when we can. A can of soup here, some oatmeal there, nuts, a couple of bucks... 'nuff said... we're the working poor. But we do what we need to do.

It meant working with what I had to survive until payday (today)... yesterday, (or Monday as I write this), the engine light on my car began flashing... it's why I didn't go to work...as the garage now needs to fix the misfiring cylinder... always something, right. I mean - no big deal... it's not like the country is going bankrupt like Greece or people are dying in a hail of gunfire (pick a city)...

I should be down... depressed about life... and while I'm not ecstatic about how life is treating me, I'm aware it could be worse.

For those of you who believe that life is worse - talk to others. You can talk to me, if you must, but talk to someone close to you who can help.

Damn near every country on this planet must have a suicide prevention hotline... and if not, why?

Want to know a secret? I think I actually know more people who suffer from some form of mental illness, including social anxiety disorder, than I do without.

What is normal anymore?

Stop reading this blog and instead search out some help.

Tomorrow never knows...

Cheers,
Andrew Joseph

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