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Monday, July 13, 2015

Japan: Stop Fu%@ing Around And Start Fu%@ing Around

Preamble:
I was in Japan on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching Programme) between 1990 and 1993. I arrived in Japan from Canada almost 26-years-old, and a virgin - but not by choice… just by circumstance. All of that changed virtually overnight upon setting foot in Japan, as I suddenly became handsome in the eyes of a few women, and slept with a fair number of women in the JET Programme and the Japanese locals.  

As of 2015, Japan as a country, is suffering from a negative population growth… or at least expects to be in one shortly thanks to a lack of immigration, not enough Japanese couples having bigger families, and worst of all, the sick realization that single Japanese men and women don't seem to be interested in gaining a relationship let alone having sex.

Amble:
I read an article in The Japan Times from May 4, 2015 written by Shoji Kaori (surname first), a Japanese women would was part of the Japanese generation of the mid-1990s that seemed to not have a problem of sleeping with a man if she felt like it.

It's one of those reasons that I was lucky so often in Japan… there was just a bit more sexual freedom in the air, and a willingness to partake of it.

I think the sexual freedom is still there in 2015… but for whatever reason… and I'm not going to look in to that here… people are opting not to take advantage of any sexual release.

Shoji-san wrote an article on dating in Japan HERE.

I'm going to examine bits of it and offer commentary where I deem applicable.

First off, while discussing media ads depicting women's beauty options, she writes:

Shouldn’t the women getto suru (ゲットする, get) some eligible ikemen (イケメン, good-looking guy) before hot-footing it to the nearest esute (エステ, beauty salon) for the datsumō (脱毛, hair-removal) treatment course and facial massage?

This is the old chicken and the egg scenario. Do you get all dolled up to get a man or to keep a man?

This IS Japan we are talking about, please note. I know that in Canada, for example, women AND men will, in an attempt to find a partner try to get in better shape, dress better, get haircuts, shave here and there, wash the car inside and out… get all of the external options in order, really. Internally, personality and brains… that's tough to alter. Tough, but not impossible. I used to be shy. Now I'm less shy. So much so that no one believes I still am shy except myself. But that's what counts, right?

While some (very few) Japanese men do give a crap about appearance et al, but generally speaking, it's the women who are constantly putting in overtime to look as good as they can. Both in Japan and everywhere else.

Old School
So… when Shoji-san states that Japanese women should get a man first and then work on keeping him, it sounds kind of ass backwards… how did you get that boyfriend in the fist place. Even in the more promiscuous 1990s of Japan, just because you dropped your panties and spread your legs, it didn't mean you were getting boyfriend - just laid for the next 47 seconds or several hours.

Anyhow, Shoji asked that same question of her 33-year-old female friend Izumi, who thought Shoji was so out of it, with Shoji acknowledging Izumi rolled her eyes at her.

“Imadoki, deai nante nain dakara. Esute itte konkatsu pātii ikanai to ren’ai mo dekinai jidai nanoyo!” (今どき、出会いなんてないんだから。エステいって婚活パーティーいかないと、恋愛もできない時代なのよ! “These days, it’s impossible to just meet someone. In order to have a relationship, I have to go to the beauty salon, and then I have to go to matchmaking parties, otherwise I’ll never cut it!”)
In other words, in order to get 47 seconds to two hours of sex, or a real relationship, the 2015 Japanese woman has to put the work in early to attract a man… the Japanese man, I should state emphatically.

Apparently Izumi hasn't been in a real relationship for four years. She's apparently smart and pretty, and, as Shoji says, "sexy, to boot."

I like boots when they are purchased and worn for me. Oh… I could tell you two stories - both that would amaze you and make you weep. But not here.

At the age of 33, Izumi only has a couple of years left before finding a mate becomes near impossible, as the 2015 Japanese woman suddenly passes her best-before-date. 

In the 1990s, it was 25. Screw around for a few years, but make sure you are married by 25 or you are most definitely an old maid.

I knew one such Japanese woman - who was beautiful at 35 to my 27… she was an old maid… but dammit very sexy. So we slept together as stress release. More hers than mine, believe it or not, because I was already sleeping with more women than I could shake a stick at.

Why do people have sex?

Procreation. A need to feel wanted. A need to feel good. Physical activity… love… something to do on a Wednesday evening… it is 'hump' day, after all.

Whatever the reason… it was an above all, for me a stress reliever… plus it made me feel good to know that someone didn't find me hideous. Like I said - stress reliever.

For whatever reason, the Japanese of 2015 seem to have not embraced the concept of stress relief via sex as viable… nor sex as a means of getting one's hooks into a prospective mate.

Sex is a powerful tool, and the Japanese are not utilizing it to the best of their capability.
I mean, I'd give my virginity for a 'fug' - and I'm proud to say that I did. You always have to be willing to sacrifice something to gain something you really want. Ha.

Dirty Data
According to a survey by News Post Seven: OVER 70 percent of Japanese males in their 20s don’t have girlfriends.

Recruit Inc.’s Bridal Research Institute says that 35 percent of Japanese men in their 20s and 30s have never once had a relationship.

Nearly 30 percent of Japanese men in their early 30s are virgins.

While the numbers are slightly better for women, but for a heterosexual relationship to work, you really do need Two to Tango (three to form a Conga line, but only one to do the Twist)…

Assuming that there is approximately the same male to female ratio of 20- and 30-something Japanese people out there… what's the problem?

See what happens when I leave Japan? The whole fugging country stops fugging. I'll come again to Japan if that's what will kickstart the Japanese economy!

According to Shoji-san, the single scene was as essay as I remember it: 20 years ago you got dressed up, went to a club, got some drinks in you, woke up either in some stranger's bed, or some stranger in your bed.

I had the large, bouncy bed in my small city, so I always woke up in known surroundings… sometimes wondering whose body was stuck against mine… didn't matter… it didn't matter to me and it didn't matter to her… we'd do it again if we felt like it, but there was no stress for anyone to hurry up and leave due to shame.

Granted… for many of the women I slept with, they had a parent-induced curfew, so many did not spend the night, let alone past 11PM or 12AM, if lucky. So… alcohol didn't play a huge part in things.

For those adults who live on their own… I'd often awake to someone making me breakfast… which was great, but also a little freaky… no nesting after one night.

Through The Looking Glass
As for Izumi, Shoji writes that:     

Dating should always begin with an elaborately polite process that includes exchanging meishi (名刺, business cards) and a full stating of the man’s intentions. Says Izumi: “Mazu, aite ni kekkonganbō ga aru ka shiraberu. Sono tsugi wa, aite ga uwakisō ka, mikiwameru.” (まず、相手に結婚願望があるか調べる。その次は、相手が浮気性か、見極める。 “First, find out whether the guy is marriage-minded. Next, decide if he’s the type to cheat.”)

Check it out… Japanese women of 2015 have turned the stress-busting prospect of fugging into a bureaucratic ordeal that is fugging awful.

Exchanging meishi? Really? Is that so the woman can check out WHERE the guy works and WHAT his job title is so she can gauge his prospects for future advancement and thus know how capable he is of providing for his family of 0.8 kids?

I made up the 0.8 number, but the fact is, it IS a number that is less than the two parents… thus a negative population growth expectancy.

So… in 2015,  Japanese women need name, rank and serial number… and then what? Oh yes… is he marriage-minded? And then… will he cheat?

Is he marriage-minded? Already? You just got his frisking business card?

How about is he a nice man? Is he smart, with a good sense of humor? Does he smell nice? Does he have a good body, hair or nice clothes… ooh, how about finding out if he's an a$$hole who might beat the crap out of you when he's pissed at the world? Does he have good people skills? Does he smoke or drink too much? Does he read? Has he ever seen Marillion?

If he has and you have, perhaps he has half of that cosmic amulet you've been wearing? What? He can quote Alice in Wonderland back you when you make a light Wonderland quip? Sure, plenty of people can do that… but how many people have a real physical copy of the book in their work office?

I'll tell ya… that above paragraph - I was willing to enter a relationship based on that… not to have her children, but rather to practice having children… priorities…

That's the thing with Japan… the priorities are all screwed up the a$$ - and not in a fun way.

Decide if he's the type to cheat?

Honey… he's a man… we're all the type to cheat. But not everyone does. Why is that? You can't pigeon-hole a freaking answer - certainly not after a couple of dates!  Maybe if you offered creative sex - both of you - to each other - that itch wouldn't need scratching.

How do you decide if he's the type to cheek, Izumi? Man… sexy or not, there's probably a reason why there are so many Japanese men out there who don't want to get involved in a relationship…

Women cheat also, by the way - but if they do so in Japan, it's a very well kept secret... it's why I can't throw any facts or figures around.   

We're here for a good time, not a long time
The thing is… Izumi's comments are meant to be representative of the average single Japanese heterosexual woman. I have no idea what is going on with the Japanese LGBT community.

How is that Japan has become bureaucratic when it comes to sex and relationships?

I'm no dummy… I am quite aware that it WAS very bureaucratic in the old days of Japan… and only in the 1990s did Japan experience a whole lot more sexual freedom and the common sense to participate in that sexual freedom.

Did coming into contact with more gaijin (foreigners) help with that? I'm not merely talking sex with gaijin… I'm talking about talking and learning about relationships in the West… the role of women.
In the 1990s, Japanese women were gaining more power… not just in the workplace… but sexually… learning that with one of these, they could get as many of those as they wanted… and maybe someone to hold the shopping.

With near reckless abandon, or daring to be in charge, Japanese women would depending on which way the wind blows, pick up men or allow themselves to be picked up by men.

Grunt. Sweat. Squirt. Sayonara. That was fun… no, I don't need to know your name.

Nowadays: here's my business card…

Where's the spontaneity? Where's the thrill of the hunt? (Not a typo) Where's the stress relief?

Where the hell are all you gaijin men who need to rescue these lost damsels in distress?

Oh yeah… maybe they don't like your meishi.

Somewhere purchasing a fugging ticket to Japan,
Andrew I got your meishi right here Joseph

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