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Thursday, August 27, 2015

New Fish Species Has Penis And Anus On Head

Yes, you read that that headline correctly, so let the jokes begin, but please note that it's a real fish.

Discovered in July 2009 by Shibukawa Koichi (surname first) of the Nagao Natural Environment Foundation in Tokyo, the 2 cm (20 mm) long Phallostethus cuulong was discovered in the Mekong Delta of Vietnam.

Now… this fish is actually the 22nd variety of a species of priapiumfish—after the Greek fertility god Priapus—an entire grouping of Phallostethidae fish that have its reproductive organs on its chin. Males and females.

If it were human, it would give awhile new meaning to giving head, what with the chance of getting pregnant.

Okay… that's all the joking I'll be doing at this time.

Needless to say, scientist/researchers have no frickin'clue why any of these fish have reproductive organs on its head.

Or an anus on its head, too?

Not sure about the fish, but I know plenty of sh!theads who are also d!ckheads…

The anus is on the fish's priapuim, which is actually slightly forward for the genital opening… which means it poops closer to its mouth than where its genitals are.

The fish's anus is the large cluster at the bottom middle of the fish (in red), while the anus is that long tube that comes out under its chinny chin-chin. (A Japanese joke: chin-chin is slang for 'penis').
If any of you have ever owned goldfish or any fish for that matter, you'll recall it is quite comical when a fish stupidly sucks in its own poop thinking it's food, spits it out and then is surprised again that there's food right in front of it and sucks the poop into its maw again.

Do you kiss your momma with that mouth?

So, basically when the 22mm+ long fish eats food (see image at top, showing a 22.5 mm male and 23.7 mm female below),  it digests it to the stomach located behind its pectoral (chest) fins, probably has it go further down through its intestinal tract before it does a U-turn and comes back up and around to be emitted as poop from the area under its chin.

It would be my guesstimate that this particular fish lacks something within its digestive tract to to properly process the food in a quick enough period, so the extra long digestive tract is needed for it to pull out the nutrients… and at that time, since it is now closer to the head, the species developed an anus at the front of the fish to release its waste, rather than having it travel back into the body of the wish to relieve itself from an anus located near the caudal fins (the fins at the bottom rear).

That's just me guessing.

But why a reproductive system on the chin? Well, besides everyone knowing you have a horny smile, there might be two reasons.

And again, this is just me guessing. I have a political science degree (amongst other post-secondary educational graduations), not a natural science degree in biology et al.

But, like you, I am qualified to hazard up a guess.

1) Because of the length of the digestive track, there was not enough room inside the fish to hold a set of genitals… so it Darwin-ed itself a new location out of the way for them… and either the male or female did the same because it made sexual reproduction easier for the species.

2) It's a mutant. Of course excluding the first original organism in the universe, we are all mutants…. but, let's suppose there is a similar fish with genitals packed in back along with the anus… now… let's suppose a birth produces one or two fish with the genitals and anus on the chin… stuff happens… babies are born with the heart or other organs outside the body… if two of the fish breed, because it's nature (or even if one mutant breeds with a 'normal'), we could have this new species of fish.

For all you Creationists, perhaps this fish has always been this way since the world began 5,000 years ago and it is simply God's will and ours is not to question God's will. It's as good an excuse as any, I suppose, but it takes the mystery out of things.
Judging by its cloudy eyes, I'll assume this roly-poly fish head is dead. Too bad, we were going to go to the movies.
Needless to say, even after six years -these fish have never been observed mating... which may be because it prefers the natural environment in which it lives, it doesn't like to be watched, or whatever fish spawned them can only spawn mutants with genitals in the 'wrong' spot...

We could assume that the scientists were unable to properly identify male and female of the species (doubtful), or perhaps they picked up a couple of gay fish or they are like the Japanese people and not all that interested in relationships or having sex.

Somewhere you know I'm happy to see you (no mystery there),
Andrew Joseph
PS: Thanks to Julien for the lead... ha. 

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