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Thursday, January 14, 2016

Japan's Cuddle Cafe

Regardless of whatever weird crap you might come up with in your sick little head, chances are pretty good that someone in Japan has already beat you to it and created a business where like-minded individuals can share in it.

I'm not even talking about sex, where I doubt that anything Japan can come up with for sex has been thought of by someone else elsewhere… even though there is the Japanese word bukkake… I'm sure it was being done before the word was being used.  

Anyhow… rather than sex, let's look at how lonely people get off.

Known as Soine-ya (aka the 'sleep together shop'), these cafe's/shop allow a male customer to come in and sleep next to a woman.

Not sleep on, or sleep in… no… sleep next to… this is a non-sexual thing for a fee… sort of.

I say 'sort of' when it comes to the no-sex thing. Wait for it.

The concept for the male customer, is that sometimes after a long and stressful day at work, the most comforting thing to do is to go to bed beside your wife, girlfriend and or mistress.

Apparently that means no sex… which is a given if you slept in the bed with your wife and she knows about your girlfriend and mistress.

Anyhow… what if you are a single guy and can't afford a wife, girlfriend or mistress? 

How's a regular guy supposed to unwind?

No - you don't want to have some naked busty woman yank your crank with her soapy hands.

No - you don't want to hook up with some 22-year-old dressed up in her old high-school uniform even though that floats your boat.

No - sometimes a man just wants to be held and not be expected to have to go downtown for hours to make sure she is satisfied before even daring to think about his own throbbing relief.

Yes - sometimes a man just wants to lie down next to a woman and take his life… er… take in life.

Oh yeah… but to have to pay for the privilege.

Now… you can hopefully, mmm-hmm, read all my sarcasm in the above statements. If I am going to lie down beside a woman, we both might as well be naked, and then since we are naked we both might as well make opportune opportunity for the nakedness and make the sheets wet. But then again… I'm not Japanese.

For the male customer at the Soine-ya shop, they pay quite well for the honor of lying down beside a pajama-clad woman and, should he wish it, fall asleep with the woman.
What I find truly disturbing are the childlike dolls in the background... are they selling Lolita-like fantasies here at Soine-ya?
Soine-ya is a specific shop in Akihabara, Tokyo, which is the so-called center of otaku (nerd) culture.
So, other than one's dignity, what is the cost to partake of the sleep-around, non-sex services? 
Okay… I stole the following numbers from a RocketNews article:

Admission Fee
¥3,000 yen (US $40)

Standard Course
  • 20 min – ¥3,000 ($40);
  • 40 min – ¥5,000 ($65, only ¥3,000 for first-time visitors);
  • 60 min – ¥6,000 ($77);
  • 2 hrs – ¥11,000 ($142);
  • 3 hrs – ¥16,000 ($206);
  • 4 hrs – ¥20,000 ($258);
  • 5 hrs – ¥25,000 ($322);
  • 6 hrs – ¥30,000 ($387);
  • 10 hrs – ¥50,000 ($645).

This is for how long you wish to stay… so, if you are like me and can sleep for 24 hours or more straight, maybe you should bring an alarm clock with you so as to not go broke.  

Girlie Fee
¥1,000 ($13) one-visit fee allows you to pick the woman you want to 'sleep' with. On top of that, you have to add in ¥500 ($6.50) per hour.

Optional Course
  • Customer sleeps in girl’s arm (3-minutes) – ¥1,000 ($13);
  • Girl pats customer on the back (3-minutes) – ¥1,000 ($13);
  • Customer pets girl on the head (3-minutes) – ¥1,000 ($13);
  • Customer and girl stare at each other (1-minute) – ¥1,000 ($13);
  • Girl changes clothes (1-minute) – ¥1,000 ($13);
  • Girl gives customer foot massage (3-minute) – ¥1,000 ($13);
  • Customer gives girl foot massage (3-minute) – ¥2,000 ($26);
  • Customer sleeps with head on girl’s lap (3-minute) – ¥1,000 ($13);
  • Girl sleeps with head on customer’s lap (3-minute) – ¥2,000 ($26).

I like that there's an option to attach the woman change clothes.

I don't know about you, but for me there is nothing sexier than lying down in bed and watch a women get dressed or undressed. Yes, both ways. I will say that it does lose its sexiness when she asks you to help her find her strewn clothes, or if she bitches that you ruined a perfectly good pair of black medium-sized (holes) fishnet stockings. Mea culpa. Sort of. If you are wearing those around me, you must also take responsibility.

If this is a non-sex, need-to-seek-comfort-with-a-woman service… then who the hell is going in for 20-minutes?

You're not. This is for people who just want an affordable bit of female companionship.  

Think about that. You just want to be around a woman and look at her and smell her… I'm unsure if there's a charge for smelling in her femininity, but since there's one for staring, there should be. 

By the way… in all instances above where it says 'girl', that was RocketNews. You are not sleeping with a girl… it is a woman. At least it better be. 

So how much does it cost for you to masturbate? Face it… if you are sleeping (non-sexually) with a woman… and you are paying for any of the extra services, you WANT more but are too shy to sexually exploit some tradesperson… and when you are finished with your sleepover, gods I hope you want to spill something. Just so I know the race of Japan is still alive and not heading for extinction.

Admission: ¥3,000
Cost: First-timer (40 minutes) = ¥3,000
Pick a Woman = ¥1,000
Hourly fee (assume it's a one-hour minim charge) = ¥500

That's ¥8,500 ($) for 40 minutes to lie in bed next to a woman.

What extras would you get? I know you think I'd be shelling out ¥1,000 to watch the woman change clothes… but would I?

It says it's ¥1,000 for one-minute of changing… and I can safely attest than any undressing and changing taking place in front of me had better take longer than a minute. The undress and the dress… it's seductive. Seductive is sexy. Sexy is love-ly.

I doubt any cuddle club worker is going to give a seductive undressing.

Let's look at the other choices… patting on the back? Seriously? Maybe if I just finished a warm bottle of mother's milk. Hey… I have to make this is as sexually-charged as possible because the Japanese aren't.

Stare at each other? Uh, dude… when you are lying down beside her, you could stare at her for free.

Why the fug do you want or need your head patted… wait… which head? That one? No… while I don't mind having my hair grabbed in passion, I dislike having my hair touched without passion, and certainly not patted.

Foot massage? Really? Unlike a massage parlor where you are asked to have a shower beforehand and can be sure she has too after the previous client, okay… a foot massage… but at the cuddle cafe… pity the poor sleep worker! You, the customer have been working a typical Japanese work day of 16 hours and you are wearing work socks and dress shoes… and man, your feet smell. For three-minutes of kneading you, that cuddle workers has sure earned her ¥1,000.

Other than that, what's left… sleeping on each other's head… no, I man, placing one's head on the other's lap. I suppose something could pop up… but nowhere does it say it's the front of her head (face) in your lap.

Since it is a no sex-designated shop and you the customer obviously only want to be cuddled, you can be sure that the back of her skull will press down on your groinal area. And that only costs you ¥2,000 for three minutes.

Gods… how do they count the time?

"Three-two-one-go! Here's a nice relaxing three-minute foot massage, Mr. Fujiwara…. two minutes and 55 seconds left, Mr. Fujiwara… two minutes and 50 seconds left, Mr. Fujiwara…"

"Yeah… I want some cream on my foot… oh… you mean from that bottle of Jergens?"

So… what's in it for the dream girl?

Well… you are allows to sleep on the job. Bonus. You make about ¥3,500 ($45)/ hour… and really, aside from maybe getting a smelly guy, or someone drunk, or someone horny, the work seems fairly innocuous. 

Workers range in age from high school girl all the way up to someone in their 30s. I am unsure what the hell is meant by 'highschool' girl… that could be anyone aged 15 or so… and that's just wrong even though it purports to be a no-sex zone…

Sigh… I've made fun of this operation - and with good reason… but what it really does show, is that there are a lot of lonely men in Japan.

Yeah, some want sex, and can find that anywhere… but here… in the cuddle cafe…  I can can dig it… some of the Japanese men just want to be held.

In Japan… per yesterday's blog… I enjoyed my liaisons with the many women I bedded, but I really just wanted to find one woman I could trust and spend quality time with.  

Yes, I enjoyed the sex, but sometimes the most exciting thing in the world is to just share a passionate kiss that makes the angels stand up and applaud, or to drive together in your car holding hands in a passionate embrace… it's just the aspect of touch.

While I wouldn't say no to a little bit of stuff, there's nothing more powerful than the taste of anticipation… daring to dream… 

While there's nothing at the cuddle shop that suggests it would ever be anything I would be interested in, I can see the allure of the place for other men.

Now... instead of all that money... you could just get a pet... but knowing the Japanese penchant for over work, that fish would go days between meals and end up as toilet sushi. 

Or... you purchase a pillow like this:

The anime hugging pillow is a full-length body pillow and, trust me, there are other versions out there with real nudity showing. Showing both sides of the pillow in the image above, I suppose the eye-patch is an interesting touch. I wonder how difficult it is to wash all the stains out of... I mean... these are pretty big pillows... Japan... teeeny-tiny washing machines. yes, that's what I meant. 

Or like this type of pillow with a spritz of perfume to make it seem even more feminine: 

Psst... you can see her white panties... by the way... how many girlfriend pillows does this sick fug have? And, this is either the worst looking living room ever, or its a nice-looking retail store display. It's Japan... I'm not sure which. 

Of course, then there's the Living Doll stuff.

Or... and I'm pretty sure they exist... real women. I may not have touched one in a while, but I's seen'em! LOL.

It's so confusing... these men want female companionship, but only when they feel they need it or can afford it. It sure beats marriage, casual dating or having a friend with benefits. 

Just because, I was listening to Chic's Le Freak while I wrote this.

Your freak,
Andrew Joseph

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