Yup… drawn and quartered… leaving me with naught but my head and part of my brain.
Two of those heart breaks occurred in Japan: with Ashley the first woman to allow me to sleep with her, and Noboko whom I wanted to marry, but her dad got in the way of that.
In between, I had a very interesting relationship with Junko… who I assume had mental health issues.
Why else would she drop out of university to be with me?
Why else would she begin to stalk me day and night… well… during the day. She would come over to my apartment each night after she was sure the last visitor had left and would then engage me in some raucous sexcapades.
At first, that was pretty damn awesome… as we performed for each other all night long… and I mean… all night… so much so that after the first couple of work days without sleep I didn’t mind as much… until I did.
The only thing that didn’t suffer from my physical exhaustion from no sleep was the sex… as we continued to push each other to new and exciting highs… until I just couldn’t do it anymore. Actually… I could do it… I just no longer wanted to.
I was hallucinating at the school’s where I taught… and was there, but I wasn’t there… and that’s not fair to anyone… teachers, students, my board of education…
Anyhow… I eventually had to get my Board of Education guys to help drag Junko away from me and get her the mental health help she required.
I didn’t want her to waste her time hanging out watching me. I wanted her to finish her university schooling.
Look… I wouldn’t have minded if Junko wasn’t sneaking around. She refused to go out with me to dinner or work… we never even ate at my place… maybe just ice cream or Coca-Cola or juice after some marathon bout of stickiness…
But even with Ashley previous … and certainly with Noboko afterwards, the sex was great, but I wanted more.
I have no idea why Ashley and I really broke up—we weren’t good for each other… but I don’t know WHY that happened… you know how they say you never forget your first? She was mine… and rightly or wrongly… losing her destroyed a piece of my heart. I don’t miss her, but I did, at one time, love her.
Noboko… despite her loving me… her father essentially got in the way… she refused to disobey him to be with me… and I lost a large piece of my heart… as she obviously did not love me as much as I loved her… or she would have stopped being Japanese long enough to just be a woman… I have no idea if things would have worked out long term… but I’ll never know if they could have.
Those were my three years in Japan: Ashley, Junko and Noboko. Each different… each helped define me… each helped shape me… two helped break me.
I have no idea why I decided to write this crap out, suffice to say that I heard a similar line on a television program recently… and like I am wont to do, sought introspection.
Somewhere beyond the sea,
The solution? No expectations. You can only be pleasantly surprised or realize it's par for the course. No bogeys.