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Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Quit Stabbing Yourself

I’m sure at some point in time, we’ve all grabbed someone else’s hand and used it to hit them, uttering: “Why are you hitting yourself?” or “Stop hitting yourself.”

No? Just me? Dang.

Taking things a bit farther, on February 22, 2017, there were two separate instances where Japanese men apparently stabbed themselves as a means to get out of work.

Hunh… I never thought of trying that… I think that excuse would have worked… however…

… let me take a stab at how the two Japanese stabbers/stabbees screwed things up.

Bush League
Forgive me, but Japanese news stories involving alleged crimes do not name names.

So… a 54-year-old man was “using the urinal” at Shonaidori train station in Nagoya, when he told police he felt someone push into his back…

Checking later, he found blood.

Yes… police found a 2.5-centimeter (1-inch)-long stab wound on the lower right side of his back. He was rushed to the hospital, while police closed off the men’s room at the station…

Now… the police figured out (somehow) that the man must have fabricated the crime, and it was at the hospital that the man confessed to his crime.

Apparently stabbing yourself isn’t a crime, but reporting it as a crime that someone else stabbed you when no one but yourself did - well, that’s a crime… but instead, he’s been evaluated for mental health issues.

If I was the police… the thing that would have alerted ME that the guy was lying, was the fact that he would have had his own urine all over his pants if someone had come up to him and pushed against his back while he was peeing.

Anyhow… the man confessed that 10 minutes before going to the police, he had taken a 13-centimeter kitchen knife and stabbed himself in the back and then threw it away in some bushes near the station.

We can assume the police found the knife… and probably saw video footage of the man tossing the weapon… which is how they realized the man was trying to dupe them.

About 10 minutes prior to going to the police, the man had entered the bathroom of Shonaidori Station and drove his own 13-centimeter kitchen knife into his back and then discarded the blade into some shrubbery outside of the station.

When asked the obvious question of “why,” the man said he “thought that getting injured would be a good way not to go to work.”

It’s true… not only do you not have to go to work, but there’s sympathy from the co-workers… and when you do show up, there will probably presents, or at the very least some hot o-cha (green tea) waiting for you for being so brave.

Of course, rather than stabbing oneself in the back, there’s always the fake flu… but in Japan that wouldn’t work, as you are expected to be at work even if someone tries to kill you… so I don’t know what he was attempting.

Evidence? What Evidence
Now…  as this case was concluding, over at Kurume City in Fukuoka, there was a call in to police regarding “an unidentified assailant” who had apparently stabbed a co-worker near their company, a baked goods manufacturer.

A 26-year-old man was taken to hospital after receiving a deep stab wound in his right elbow.

He says that as he was exiting his car, someone came up to him and tried to take his backpack… he resisted… and was stabbed for his troubles.

Police figured something was up, however, when they discovered a knife in his backpack… which I find interesting, because why were the police checking out the inside of his backpack?

But the point is, he had a knife on him… probably had blood on it, too… or if he wiped it down, had enough trace blood at the hilt to make the police go WTF?!… it’s always tough to wipe blood from a blade and get it all off at the blade’s hilt.

So… they talked to the elbow stabbed man, and he confessed to stabbing himself stating  "I don’t want to go into" work.

He was also charged with making a false police report.

Pundits might ask why they simply didn’t just call into work and say they had accidentally stabbed themselves with a knife while at home… but truthfully… that would never have happened, as the wife would be the one wielding the blade to cook… or in the case he was still single, his mother would have been the knife wielder.

How bizarre… I mean… I understand not wanting to go into work… but stabbing yourself?

That takes real dedication to the lie.

Pity these guys lacked the attention to detail about properly getting rid of the weapon…
Hopefully both get the help they need.

Blind Rage
Unrelated, back in the summer of 2014, someone stabbed a guide dog for a 61-year-old visually-impaired man from Saitama, while both were on the train.

What I find very interesting about this case was the fact that the dog never yelped after being stabbed… as these guide dogs are trained to be quiet so as to not disorient the owner. That’s amazing.

What is even more interesting, however, is that the dog’s name was Oscar. In katakana-Japanese, that would be O-su-kah.

Oscar was okay, by the way, but they never found out who did it… unless it was the blind guy who really didn’t want to go into work that day, either… but that was just me being a jerk.

Banzai,
Andrew Joseph

1 comment:

  1. Let me tell you ... I've been considering stabbing myself lately, since work has been that overwhelming. TGIF!

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