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Sunday, March 5, 2017

Skirting The Issue Of Fashionable Kayaks

What we have here, is a women’s skirt that inflates into some sort of kayak - something said to be a Japanese invention. Sure. Who knows? Maybe. Does it matter? I've already written this thing...   

Need to ford a river? Can’t find a boat or don’t want to pay good money to rent one of those stupid pedal swan boats?

Screw that? Now you can save a ¥100 by buying this ¥10,000 kayak skirt.

(I have no idea how much it costs to rent a pedal swan boat in Japan - if they even exist, or how much the kayak skirt costs… or would cost if someone actually thought it sail (sic) worthy.)

How often would you need to use this skirt to make it a cost-effective sea-faring vessel against the cost to your own dignity?      

No word on what the poor woman does after she finishes crossing the lake and now has a wet skirt.

A wet skirt that slithers and drags itself across the wet mud and moss and rocks…

And how the hell did you steer it across the water anyhow? Was there some sort of paddle hiding in the rear? (ha-ha)

Or does the hidden brassiere morph into a double-sided kayak paddle?

Now I’m really curious.

If you are a women, ask yourself... which is better, a kayak skirt or being caught during mating season while pedaling a swan boat? Exactly. I don't know either... then again, I didn't try and answer the question because I'm not a woman.

For what purpose, would one need a dress that floats in this manner?

If you dove into a pool with it on, would it inflate with you upside down? Why aren’t there any facts to support my query?

Wouldn’t you want to know?

And… what if the woman wearing the skirt is with a man… or is out walking her ferret… what do they do?

Look… I admit the invention is curious… but for an invention to be feasible for success, there has to be a need for it…

Unless this is for people who suddenly find themselves caught in an unexpected tsunami ()what? Too soon?). Then again… up the creek without a paddle.

Did you know that life preservers were nicknamed the "Mae West" after the actress with the huge inflated chest. Don't know who she is? Look her up... she was the actress with the dirtiest lines in Hollywood in the 1930s. Wikipedia says: During World War II, Allied aircrews called their yellow inflatable, vest-like life preserver jackets "Mae Wests" partly from rhyming slang for "breasts" and "life vest" and partly because of the resemblance to her torso.
Really, though... kayak skirts? Go watch a Mae West movie... she was fun-nee.

Banzai,
Andrew Joseph

1 comment:

  1. It it was marketed as a fashionable life saving device I would it's a good idea. Let's say it works perfectly. Let's say the car drives into a lake or something. You get out of the car and boom you float to the surface. I know this would be impractical if you have a family in the car with you. I say this invention can have some potential.

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