I’ve long called the whole human-sized mascot thing American kabuki - I know I didn’t come up with the term, but did see it in an American parody magazine around 25 years ago when I was in Japan.
Mascots… I have no real idea what their purpose is… to entertain, I suppose… but if that’s the case, few actually succeed.
The original San Diego Chicken, the Phoenix Gorilla, the Toronto Raptors Dino and the Philly Phanatic are a few that have excelled at the art of being entertaining.
Japan… in an effort to try and make as many people outside of its country vomit with an over abundance of cuteness, has taken to using mascots like a cat to a sandbox… yeah, think about that the next time you let your kid play in the local park litterbox.
Anyhow… what we have here, is the mascot(s) for Japanese baseball team the Chiba Lotte Marines.
I have nothing against the team… I’ve bought their Chiba Lotte chewing gum while I was in Japan - it was not an unenjoyable experience… it was gum, you know.
But for some reason… and this is from a YouTube post on June 13, 2017, the team decided to introduce a new mascot.
Taking its cue from Pokemon, when low-level pocket monsters can evolve into stronger versions of their bloodline, at least twice, the Chiba Lotte Marines decided to show its baseball fanbase the origins of the mascot.
Beginning with a colorful angler fish that featured a cursive capital M on its bulbish esca or illicium (the so-called lure atop its head)… we see the fish take an elevator to appear on the home baseball field as a cross between the same angler fish and a human… with arms and legs…
Okay… while the legs are human-like…. the arms are actually still fins… so scratch that whole arm thing… until later.
So… while the Chiba Lotte Marines mascot is running around the field, it suddenly stops and barfs up its third form… what looks like the skeleton of a fish, if a fish had arms and legs.
After a little while, the skeleton goes back into the fish’s body by crawling back in through the mouth… runs around some more as the second form of the fish… and barfs up the skeleton again… and repeat, before finally realizing it has scarred enough small children to last well… let’s just say I am never ordering a Filet-O-Fish ever again.
While I won’t apologize for the music which is written in the scale of Sea (that’s two jokes in three words), you can turn down the volume because it is truly unnecessary.
Watch the video and join me and wonder aloud just how anyone thought this was a good marketing ploy for anything.
Man… it just makes the team look so… bush league.
Man... at least add a question mark...
PS: Thanks, Vinnie for the heads up!