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Wednesday, May 30, 2012

People Pay To Eat Balls And Wiener Of Artist

You might think that this story's headline is just a pun... that people were eating melon balls and hot dogs or something, and Andrew was just trying to stun you with a witty headline - but nope!

A Japanese man did indeed have his testicles and penis removed, and he did indeed prepare them as a meal and did indeed serve them to five people who paid for the privilege of swallowing his gonads and pee-pee in a nice meal. Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife is unsure if a nice Chianti was served, but we hope so.

Sugiyama Mao, 22, is a Japanese artist (of course), who considers himself to be asexual. I am unsure if I should have written 'himself' if he is asexual... but what should I use? 'Itself'?

This past March, because Sugiyama wanted to feel more asexual, he had his meat and two veg removed. For reasons known only to it, it kept the balls and chain in his freezer.

He had thought about eating the parts himself, but decided instead to serve them to paying diners in Tokyo to help defray the medical costs for the removal of the offensive naughty bits.

What a shame! Going out for a meal and being served meat that was frozen! Fresh is the best!

While Sugiyama did want help in paying the medical bills (hopefully this also included some emotional counseling to ensure this was the right move), he says he also wanted to increase awareness for sexual minorities, x-gender and asexual people like himself.

The dinner event held on May 13, 2012 in a rented hall in Tokyo. No word on how many people other than the five diners and cook/cooked were present, but hopefully it was able to make a spectacle of itself and raise the GOOD type of awareness for the sexual minorities, rather than the BAD type of awareness which makes one look like a freak than simply being asexual, which is cool.

I suppose you want to know about the meal.

After seasoning and then braising the cock and 'nads himself, a certified cook (I meant to write 'cook') added some mushrooms (does everything look like a penis!?) and some parsley garnish.

Artist, perhaps - but rather than a cook, he should have spent a few bucks on a chef.

This meal was the guy's dick and balls! Shared by five people! Did they really get enough to eat? 

Still, this was a meal fit for a genitalman.
See the photo's above... that's Sugiyama looking quite bored with the whole event. I know that after I had my chocolate lab Buster fixed, he became a lot less aggressive... bored... or perhaps fearful of what else he might have removed if he acted up again. His new name is Busted.

Anyhow, Sugiyama charged the five diners ¥20,000 apiece for the once-in-a-lifetime pleasure of eating his nuts and some other clever term for penis. That's a total of ¥100,000. That's $1,300 in US/Cdn funds.

So... he got $1,300 for the meal, which admittedly wasn't very artistic... but you think the guy would value his privates time more than that?! Oh well... to each his own.

Now, lest you think that Sugiyama removed his genitalia himself, he didn't. He's goofy, not crazy. He had a doctor do that, who also certified that his wang doodle and potatoes are/were/it (?) free of infection.

Covering his ass, which is apparently all Sugiyama has left, all diners were required to sign a waiver not to sue (James?!) Sugiyama and the event organizers should the meal have gone horribly, horribly wrong.

Now, should you be wondering if it is legal to eat human body parts - don't worry! Cannibalism is not illegal in Japan. There. Don't you feel better?

Because cannibalism is not illegal, the police knew about the event and simply didn't need to become involved. 

Sugiyama says he and the event organizers made sure the dinner event was legal, including checking to see if the event crossed the line regarding: a ban on organ sales, the processing of medical waste, and food sanitation requirements.  

There was no comment from the diners who ate the genitals of the artist. Was it salty? Chewy? Sweet? Did it taste just like chicken? Does everything taste better with Heinz?

Hopefully this is a joke, but Sugiyama did receive questions from men and women asking him: ‘Will there be a next time? Please host it again.’

But, on May 16, he tweeted seriously via Twitter: "But there is only one set of male organ. Unfortunately, I have no plan for the next time.”

Hunh. Who knew that a person's sense of humor was located in the genitals? Well... since I have a huge sense of humor, that explains things.

Still, it makes one wonder what Sugiyama could possibly offer up for dessert. No. I don't want to know.

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph who wants you to know how difficult it really was to keep the plethora of really dirty jokes out of this blog.

1 comment:

  1. lol, "genitalman". Very funny, and very, very disturbing.