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Monday, June 25, 2012

New Developments In Japanese Masturbation Products

I can't believe I wrote that headline. New developments in Japanese masturbation products.

Let's get this straight. This product is for men. But... I am still not sure why.

In the old days, all a guy needed was an ability to fantasize and a rag to clean-up. Then came tissue and the Africa issues in National Geographic.
Then came the Sears catalogue - bras and panties for sale.
Playboy. Penthouse. Hustler. Chic. Oui. High Society et al.
The video tapes of porn.
DVDs of porn.
Now the Internet offers all you need for free. No perversion or kink to weird for the 'Net!
I left out strip clubs, massage parlors, soaplands, Turkish baths, bachelor parties et al... but you get the idea.

Of course... when women have not been available, men have been sticking their penis into anything with a hole. Camels (according to an old joke), knotholes in trees (according to an old joke), the so-called battery-operated pocked pussy (I'm not making this up - it's been around for decades!) - whatever.

When it comes to getting off, men have always found a way.

Along with a company called Tenga, Galaku is the latest Japanese company to erect a business in the masturbation market.

Galaku is putting out a product it calls Groomin - that's it in the photo above. It poked its head out in February of this year.

Here's what a PR rep for Galuka had to say: “Groomin products aim to make men’s masturbation a regular exercise. The products are designed to prolong men’s performance long into the future.”

Just so you know... the rep who said that, was a woman.

Now... unless you've been living under a rock since you turned 12, guys masturbate. A lot. Everyday to be sure, and twice on Sundays (according to an old joke). I am unsure how Groomin plans to take a regular-occurring daily event and turn it into a regular exercise (many men refuse to exercise, by the way, but will masturbate while watching someone exercise).

I do like the suggestion that Groomin is designed to prolong male performance long into future.

Did you notice that she used the word "long" twice in her statement. That's to confuse you.

As any guy worth his salt will tell you, after completion of a mastabutory session... if you were to have sex with another person say 30 minutes or an hour later, the chances are very good (unless you are 12), that you will actually take a longer time      to finish the deed, as it were. Fatigue sets in, along with tired nerve-endings, making the second coming of where you see god a prolonged proposition.

Groomin.... look at that photo... you are probably wondering: Just how large is that thing if you expect me to place my wiener into it to help it get me off... relax... I'll explain.

For you single men out there, the container looks like a woman's hair wax container. Inside this Groomin container, however, is a syrupy lotion and a gummy white sphere.

Yes.... that gummy white sphere contains a hole, and is about the size of a golfball. I will refrain from the standard hole-in-one joke at this time.

Anyhow... let's suppose you have one. You apply the liquid along the inner walls of the gummy white sphere. You then insert your already erect penis head into the hole and then unfurl it.

The sphere unfurls into a dimpled sheet that is repeatedly rolled over the shaft presenting that gripping feeling that makes it feel like your left hand, or the very least, like someone else.

Says the Galuku PR rep: “We have invented high polymer compound with a high elasticity called Ecolast. It is harmless to the human body. We also utilize a lotion that is easy to wash and does not become sticky, so as to reduce the risk of peeling skin.”

Should you find yourself alone in Japan and have a spare ¥580 (US/Cdn $7.50), why don't you try
one - or two... they come in two polymer textures: Mild Touch (photo above) and Wild Touch.

What I can't come to grips with, however, is whether or not this product is reusable... though common sense dictates that it is not.

Anyhow... Groomin is similar to the Tenga Egg series of masturbation aids that came on the scene back in 2008. And why not? Annual sales in the adult toy market (including women's) is estimated to be between ¥200-300-billion ($2.6-$3.9 billion)!!! I guess sex sells. 

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph

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