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Saturday, July 7, 2012

18: Bily And Simon Cause A Fair Bit Of Trouble

This chapter was a fun story to write even though it wasn't very comedic. The creative process was very funny, as the darn story flowed out of my head as I was typing. Literally, I had to hurry and learn how to type before the words in my head disappeared like a mist that wasn't there. Back in 1991 when I first began creative writing through to now in 2012, I am always anxious to come to the end of a story to see how it comes out. Honestly - I never have a clue how a story will end until the last word has been written or typed. Everyone of my blogs is like that. Controlled chaos.
I have had to edit this one a bit today. Some of the facts as they existed simply do not exist today and might be confusing to people that aren't me, as I appear to be one of the few people who can sometimes figure out just what it is that I am thinking or saying. Do as I do, not as I say... or something like that.
Name dropping: Simi Li Chung was visually inspired in my head by Chun-Li of Street Fighter II video game fame. She was beautiful and dangerous - and Chinese. Perfect for this story.
William Randolph Brooks IV was inspired by William Randolph Hearst the mega-millionaire newspaper tycoon who also was the inspirational for the character Citizen Kane. If you don't know who that is, Google and then download the movie.
Cynthia Lynn McDaniel was a 14-year-old girl who gave me my first teenaged kiss at the age of 17 when her school came up to Toronto for a music exchange from Versailles, Kentucky.  
MuchMusic is a crappy Canadian version of MTV which have both sucked since about 1985 when pop became king. Doesn't any make rock and roll videos anymore? If they do, when the heck do they get played?
A bunker in Roslin, Ontario? My first real girlfriend at the age of 22 was the 18-year-old Bryndis Swan who was from there. Brian Goose? Bryndis Swan? Goose/Swan.
Jillian Thompson is Jill Thompson, a damn fine artist who did some work on The Sandman comic book series (that I just so happen to be reading this very day!). Coincidence.
Keep in mind, when I wrote this novella in 1991, I was 26... the memories were still fresh. Not that I ever really forget the good stuff.
And... despite the ending, there are still two more chapters until the end!

Chapter 1             Chapter 6              Chapter 11           Chapter 16
Chapter 2             Chapter 7              Chapter 12           Chapter 17
Chapter 3             Chapter 8              Chapter 13
Chapter 4             Chapter 9              Chapter 14
Chapter 5             Chapter 10            Chapter 15

Bily And Simon Cause A Fair Bit Of Trouble
chapter xviii

Life for Simi Li Chung was not very easy. Her mother had died during childbirth, and she was raised by her father (who had once been a jaguar to an Incan shaman).

Her father, like all Chinese men, wanted a boy and so raised her as though she was one, complete with forcing her to learn all of the sports he had wanted her to learn as well as to study hard enough to be at the top of her class every year.

Failure to do so would result in a beating that would come very close to ending her life—fortunately, that had not happened in almost 13 years, when she was five.

She also had to endure her father's almost nightly sexual advances. She really and truly hated men.
William Randolph Brooks IV had a fairly easy life. His father was very rich, which enabled him to attend all of the best schools in the world while growing up. This richness also led to a kidnapping or two.

It was explained to him after the first one, that being the son of a chief executive officer of the company that introduced personal transportation booths to the world sometimes made him a target for various get-rich-quick schemes.

he didn't tell anybody how, on his 13th birthday, his kidnappers of the last month-and-a-half had given him a birthday cake. He did not tell anyone how both the man and the woman had taken tuns to repeatedly blow his candle for him. He hated the man who was quick about it, but he especially detested the woman who teased him to the point of release for hours before letting him finish. He hated that Asian woman like he hated life itself.
Simi was able to go to Beijing University to study politics. Her father made her promise to travel back to Shanghai every weekend. When she refused to come back after the first week, he went to see her and demand an explanation. He was immediately arrested by government officials on suspicion of treason.

He pleaded his innocence, and might have been able to convince the powers that be of it, but Simi's testimony convinced him of his unrepentant guilt.

He was quietly shot with a loud bang in one of Beijing's many secret underground prisons while Simi watched. No tears were shed for him. In fact, it was the last time that even the hint of a smile crossed her face.
Somewhere else entirely, reams of clouds obscured everything. Everything, that is, but a large set of glowing, white teeth that seemed even bigger than usual. His laughter even seemed louder and massive thunder and lightning storms assaulted the Gobi desert for the first time in creation.
By the time William had begun studying at Harvard, his father had just successfully campaigned for the Senate. It was only two days later that William Randolph Brooks III was assassinated by a lone Chinese gunman who was later discovered to 'work' for the Chinese Secret Service - though officially, that gunman did not seem to officially exist. When the gunman was 'killed' while trying to escape from the American government, no one felt he would be mist. Er, missed.

It was at the moment of his father's death that young William knew he had to become the President of the United States of America to make his father proud.
In a strangely clear moment in the nether void where and when the grinning 2-Footer existed, it laughed so hard that its leg-slapping completely destroyed the fins it had recently created in the future before. It found it so funny that he laughed so hard that the floor went deaf, which it was anyway as floors don't have eardrums.
The China of 2060 was a fair bit different from the China of the previous 100 years. Oh sure, the multitude of people still traveled around by bicycle, wore dull and unimaginative clothing, couldn't afford a vacation, didn't know what a vacation was, and didn't trust the American technology of the transportation booths that worked on the same principal as the telephone—even though that was how a non-existent wisp of a man was able to kill an important member of the U.S. government over 25 years earlier.

But China had changed. They had elected a woman as the leader of the country! What was even more amazing was that she was not in her 90s! In fact, she wasn't in her 80s, 70s, 60s or even her 50s. She was 46-years-old, and definitely the most beautiful and deadliest leader the Chinese had ever had in 3,600 years of empire building.

Simi Li Chung was very happy. She was happy because her rapid rise to the top was finally brought about by a decade old plan to seduce the opposition with sex. Men were all stupid and women were the smarter species. She was no longer happy. She was ecstatic! 

However, in keeping with long-standing Asian tradition, she did not smile to prove it.
November of the same year also saw 46-year-old William Randolph Brooks IV sweep to victory on the recently awoken dinosaur, the Federal party. His 'Transportation To The Future!" slogan won him many supporters among the middle-class who respected that fact that he inherited his money but still chose to further the work done by his father. William had figured out a way of stopping would-be criminals and unwanted relatives from suddenly dropping by via the transportation booth into a house and stealing and eating everything.

It involved Call Display and DNA-recognition - something that every citizen of the U.S. and its allied supporters volunteered a sample of, that was stored with in a computer data base and used to verify the person seeking matter transportation, as well as to help with law enforcement over the State(s). Big Brother Is Watching.

The Brooks company—Gearless Overdrive Dynamics—was also responsible for depriving the Middle East of its ace-in-the-hole—oil, as it was no longer needed by a car-less world.   

Gearless Overdrive Dynamics was also the cause for Japan's economic might of the past 40 years collapsing, as the Japanese could not figure out how to miniaturize something that was already quite small. The cost of trying put Japan into debt with Iran, who also controlled the Japanese teleport card industry.
Hi, it's me, the Editor. I just wanted to say that while I like this story, it seems quite serious... you know, a real downer, man. Can you liven it up a bit?
All right.
With the female leader of China—a certifiable man-hater after her years of sexual abuse from her father—in charge of the largest known supply of nuclear weapons on the planet; and her male counterpart American leader— who hates Asian women because of the childhood rape of his innocence and murder of his father—in charge of the second-biggest cache of thermonuclear weapons, you would probably expect the sparks to start flying between the two countries and unstable leaders.

Well... you're wrong. Hah. Instead, let's go to Kentucky. The Writer loved the accents of the southern belles there.
In the small town of Versailles, Kentucky, a short and slight nine-year-old girl named Cindy McDaniel (who wished she was a dolphin in this life) placed metal cans of Dole's synthetic pineapple into her grandmother's antique microwave to see what would happen when the machine was turned on. She hardly had time to ponder why her eyebrows fell off.

The ensuing explosion sent a blast of microwave radiation up into the sky where it interfered with a Canadian satellite deceptively named MuchMusic. This satellite had another purpose besides acting as a broadcast satellite for the Canadian appetite for any music that wasn't good—it was also a spy satellite for the United Territories of the Northern Hemisphere (formerly known as Canada, Dominion of Canada, Upper Canada, British North America and, of course, Kanata). Despite the name change, everyone still called them Canada - if they called them at all. America Jr.

While a spy satellite for those nice Canadians may not seem like a dangerous proposition—(the average American would often ask: "What are they stealing? Our culture? No way, eh?"), but the United Territories of the Northern Hemisphere aka Canada was not the good-natured little patsy of a nation it had pretended to be for the past 200 years. Nope. It actually was the owner and operator of the largest secret cache of diverse and perverse weapons yet invented by mankind: atomic bombs; hydrogen bombs; helium fusion bomb that made your voice higher; neutron bombs; video tapes of Ishtar; DVDs of every Superman movie ever made; biological germ bombs; mustard gas; and one remaining CF-104 'widowmaker' aircraft.

And now, due to the sudden burst of microwave radiation hitting the JCN satellite, it began to mistakenly send signals to a control bunker in Roslin, Ontario that the United Territories of the Northern Hemisphere was being attacked by the Russians.
Yes, Russians.
Deep below in the hardened winter ground in a reinforced concrete shelter, a series of red flashing lights and sirens whooped in senses-shattering imperativeness, a word that the Writer just made up.

Brian Goose (who had in a former life learned to Mambo from Mr. Nasta at his studio in Yorkshire) was rudely awakened from his dream involving the entire cast of The Golden Girls and Kraft Dinner.

His partner, Jillian Thompson, (who had once upon a life ago slept with Jimi Hendrix's roadies at Woodstock before blowing her mind on one too many hits of Brown Blotter) thought the flashing lights were all quite reminiscent of a series of acid trips she had taken in 91, 92, 93 and 94 years ago. In fact, she became totally immobilized and stared at her computer terminal as it began to talk to her in ancient Celtic. She didn't understand, but she knew.

Brian yelled at Jillian to snap out of it, but she was too far gone.
Hi, it's me the Writer. I just wanted you people to realize that acid flashbacks can hit you at any time of your life(s)! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!
A quick phone call to the United Territories of the Northern Hemisphere Prime Minsiter (who had never been anything important in a string of lives involving soulless mollusks) and Brian launched a wjole mess of missiles.

There were many incredulous comments from the social media twataratti (that might be a typo) who could not believe that Canehda (United Territories of the Northern Hemisphere) had a nuclear arsenal and that it was now firing a fair chunk of it at the newly autonomous, but still defenseless nation of Easter Islan.

Further surprises quickly arose as Easter Island suddenly revealed it too had nuclear weapons.

None were more surprised than archaeologists who swore that the large rock head statues now releasing nuclear missiles were not like that when they studies them.

Within minutes of the first Canadian missile exploding the state of Oklahoma off the map (the Canuckleheads - also known as the United Territories of the Northern Hemisphere Canuckleheads had purchased the nuclear guidance systems from Australia that ran via calculations based upon magnetic resonance from the South pole. Up in the northern hemisphere, it caused the missiles to fly in circles until it ran out of fuel).

President Brooks and America declared war on China because they believed their NATO ally who claimed that Chinese spies living in Australia had scuttled the missile guidance systems).

China, meanwhile, watched in disbelief as Easter Island accidentally bombed themselves back into the Stone Age, where it was pretty much thought to have always been.

Chairperson Chung wrongly listened to her panel of senile and quite-possibly-deceased-for-many-a-year advisers and agreed that the Canadians (United Territories of the Northern Hemisphere Canuckleheads and Easter Islanders having nuclear weapons was part of a plot by the capitalist scum of America.

"Men!" snarled Simi Li Chung.

With the push of a little red button (it really is that simple in China), China launched a barrage of weapons against the United States of America.

Life atop the surface of the Earth and in the water quickly evaporated in large flashes of blinding light.

Even after all of the people on the former big blue marble had long since been evaporated, computer that were still protected by lead shielding and concrete, continued to instruct missile silos to launch their nuclear fire on predetermined paths of destruction.
In a place far, far away but very close by, an incredible rush of people, creatures and spirits hopped/swam/slithered/walked/ran/flew/wafted/slid/floated/hovered and raced along a Jaguar green tunnel, not getting any closer to a bright light.

With a deafening roar coming from everywhere, everyone stopped to look behind/in front/beside and inside themselves, and sudden;y found themselves at a doorway/cave/gate/red velvet curtain and many more entrances that the Writer is to lazy to reference.... which was strange because no one had thought it to be the object of their hopping/swimming/slithering/walking/running/flying/wafting/sliding/floating/hovering and racing.

End of sentence!

The pushing and shoving of the freshly departed spirit forms trying to get through the entrance was highly reminiscent of the Writer's visit to a The Who rock and roll concert back in the days before it was revealed that Pete Townshend may have been gay at some point in time in his youth - not that is important, because in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter.

With an end-of-the-world thunder crash and the largest bolt of lightning ever, the entrance split asunder and expanded into an all encompassing entranceway that looked just like the type of entranceway they had been expecting.

After what seemed like an eternity - and it was - everyone had settled back into their places within the Pool.

A small number of flaming globes floated beside a grinning mass of teeth.

Life and the afterlife are funny like that.

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