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Monday, July 30, 2012

One Evening In The Bar - #1

On a Wednesday night, May 13, 1992 to be exact, at the high-class 4C bar about a three-minute stagger from my apartment in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken in Japan, Matthew and I were sitting around hoisting a few drinks.

The two of us junior high school assistant English teachers are quite well known in our adopted city - in a good way.

Matthew is the nice, quite one, and I'm the nice, loud one. But the key word is 'nice'.

As the loud one, my sense of humor tends to get spit out more often. Matthew has a wicked sense of humor - but his problem (if it is a problem) is that he mulls it over a second or two longer in his head to determine if the witticism he is about to spout is appropriate.

Me? I have no such problem, and thus it often appears as though I've got the quicker wit. Quicker - yes. Appropriate - maybe. Better - undetermined.

We were talking to a pretty young 20-something at the bar. She was using some decent, if not broken English on us - and to be honest, while Matthew has no problem in conversing in Japanese, I only know enough of the language to get my face slapped nine out of 10 times... but let me tell ya... that tenth time - it's magic!

Anyhow, she says in broken English: "I have to drive my home now."

"Oh really?" I said already grinning. "Do you have power sofa?"

She looked at me like I was from another country. Matthew was grinning and trying to bite his upper lip.

I continued (poor girl): "Have you ever got so drunk that you can't drive your home and have to sleep in the garage?"

She looked at me funnily - not in that ha-ha way, but funnily in that I-had-just-raped-her-goldfish kind of way.

I stood up, bowed deeply and bid her goodnight - in Japanese!

Matthew who was grinning from ear to ear also said goodnight in Japanese - "Oyasuminasai" and gave her the nod.

As the glass door closed behind her great looking butt, Matthew tried in vain to not look at me, but I said - "Wait.... " and held up my index finger.

I wanted to hear the door downstairs open and close... there it is!

"Power sofa!" laughed Matthew who wisely had nothing in his mouth.

We laughed our asses off as we both completely lost it.

Now... I do want to explain that we are not laughing at that poor young woman. We are laughing at how I turned a completely innocent sentence fragment into something so idiotic.

I'm such a dick, sometimes.... but dammit! You never give a joker such a straight line! 

Andrew Joseph
PS - Back then, I had never heard of anyone driving their sofas (as in the photo above)... so perhaps this young Japanese woman had the last laugh.

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