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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

How To Fail To Land a Japanese Woman As Your Wife

I could start quite a few of my blog entries with the sentence: "There was this girl... " and never actually mean the same one twice.

Is is bragging if it's true?

I guess it is.

Well, forgive me if I brag... but with my life the way it is, I will take what I can and shout it to the world... which considering the varied readership of this blog is a reality.

Anyhow... I once met a woman... we hit it off... we shared ourselves... but kept things a secret... she probably better than myself... I would talk to a few people (like via this blog - maybe 1500 a day)... and yet she was forced to conclude our relationship because she was afraid people would talk if they knew we were actually an item.

Welcome to Japan, gaijin (foreigner) men.

It's actually easier to date a Japanese woman than for anyone in Japan to know you are dating a Japanese women.

There is a feeling among Japanese women (not all, of course), that when you date a foreign guy, everyone is going to know you are a slut.

That's pretty harsh, right? Just because you date a foreigner, it doesn't mean you are doing the horizontal mambo. If you dated me, it probably did mean that, but I would never call you a slut unless I knew you liked that sort of language. Just saying, is all.

There's a perception that just because a Japanese woman is friends (not even dating) with a foreigner, that she had best be careful because he's only using her to get laid.

Again... this is probably correct, but it is kind of silly.

For the Japanese woman who merely wants a male foreigner friend, why can't it be platonic? I was friends with 100s of women while in Japan, and I pretty much wanted to sleep with them all.

Hmm.... perhaps I am not the best spokesperson for this.

Okay... let's look at my girlfriend Noboko. There wasn't anything I wouldn't have done for this babe. Nothing at all. I would even have stayed forever ion Japan. Here... this is easy to date a Japanese woman.

The problem was that she was afraid to let other Japanese people in our city know we were dating...let's find out why...

So why didn't I stay in Japan? Well, to show her commitment to me, I asked for one thing... it's something that is quite important, but something she was reluctant to do for me, regardless of our love for each other.

I told her I would stay with her forever in Japan... and all she had to do was tell her parents that we were going out.

Yup. Does that sound like a difficult thing to do? Not to me, obviously, but it was to Noboko. Hey... I wasn't asking her to leave her husband or boyfriend for me. She was single, but living with her parents at the age of 26.

We'd been going out for a few months, and I was ga-ga over this babe. Every time we went out, though we traveled to another town or city.

Hmm... the same thing with Junko... who preferred that we not actually go about at all... but that was only because she enjoyed having sex with me too much. I know.., I can't believe I just wrote "too much".

With Noboko, I had been to her house and had dinner with her folks twice... and each time I was introduced as the friend.

Each time I brought an expensive bouquet of flowers for her mom and an expensive bottle of whiskey for her dad... and something simple for Noboko... and yet... there I was... the friend... not the boyfriend.

Was Noboko ashamed of me?


She was actually afraid of her father.

Being daddy's little girl, Noboko did whatever he said. Being a woman in Japan (certainly through the 1990s), that's what you did.

I sort of understood what Noboko was doing and why. Her old man was the 'boss' of all of the high school principals in the northern sector of Tochigi-ken... this was considered a position of power.

Now... consider his beautiful, young daughter... an English teacher at one of the schools in Ohtawara-shi... dating the assistant English teacher (AET)?

That would be scandalous.

It wouldn't matter a hill of beans if I was the most popular and best-liked AET in the prefecture (depending on who you asked I was certainly up there in the eyes of the Japanese mombusho)... but... I was still a gaijin... a gaijin dating a Japanese woman who was the daughter of an important figure in the education system of the province.

Apparently - and this was explained to me by a few Japanese women with whom I was friends with - her dad would lose face if it was known his daughter was dating a foreigner - even if it was popular little ol me.

The perception is... everyone knows that the gaijin men are only interested in screwing the ass of every Japanese woman they get near.Right or wrong, this was the perception (it was right).

If Noboko was going out with me - she must be sleeping with me... and thus, her father does not have a virginal single daughter... he has a slut sullied by a large foreign penis.

I added the part about a large penis.

So... that was why I wanted her to tell him we were dating... it would show me (and all concerned) that we were serious... I already said I would stay in Japan if she would show this commitment to me... 

Alas... she was too afraid of disappointing her dad and of making him 'supposedly' look bad in the eyes of his fellow school principals... too afraid to tell him she loved me... I guess it wasn't meant to be... but being young and stupid, I figured being shunned by a woman and having her choose someone else over me... that could never happen again... could it?

I have to admit that the experience scarred me for years. I even went back to Japan again and tried to convince her to be with me... this time I said I would stay, if she would just come to Toronto for a visit. Just a visit... but no... she was too afraid to do even that for me... and so I went back to Toronto and slid into years of decadence as a topsoil loser dating strippers, and others in the trade until I barely recognized myself anymore. A different woman every week! Dancers, rubbers, hookers, waitresses...  I know... one of those things doesn't belong there... but seriously... have you ever tried to date or screw a waitress at a strip club? They've seen every single form of depravity from their male customers, and so they think men who go to those types of clubs are 'ick'.

But I got one.

And so... here I am... in Toronto... when I was begging to stay and be a part of a woman's life in Japan... only to be shunned by a fear of disappointing her father.

Is that all that love is good for in Japan? Love and do as you will, but don't disappoint your father?

You'd think it would be easy to find a strong, independent woman who knows what is good for her (me)... but it's not that easy.

My buddy Matthew did it! He married a Japanese woman. My buddy Martin did it! He married a Japanese woman. My buddy Jeff did it! He married a Japanese woman. I didn't do it. I didn't marry a Japanese woman.I tried my best...

So... how did Martin, Matthew and Jeff succeed where I failed? Different women who didn't care about anything except that they knew what would make them happy. Hell... Matthew's wife, Takako... her dad was a politician! What loss of face occurred because his daughter married a foreigner? None (I hope).

Noboko never even gave her dad a chance to hate me... she just assumed he would not want her marrying me...  and that's the sad part. She didn't even try and fight for us. She didn't even try to fight for a shot at some happiness in an otherwise dull world.  

As for Noboko... she was just Noboko to me.  She wasn't a Japanese woman... she was just Noboko... and perhaps - in the case of Noboko - that's where I screwed up. In her case, I did not take into account that she was not just Noboko, but rather Noboko a Japanese woman. An old school Japanese woman who looked and smelled and dressed modern... but held onto some old fashioned ideals about respecting her father.

It makes me sound quite selfish when I think about it... but she was in her mid-20s! When the hell was she going to allow herself to live her own life? Sadly in Japan, many people are afraid to do just that.

I'm going to get a large bowl of sake and drown my sorrows.

Andrew Joseph 

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