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Friday, October 26, 2012

Japanese Man Wins Auction - Gets To Boff A Virgin

Man... what is it about Japan and cherries? Sakura, ohhhh sakura (cherry... moan... cherry).

A man from Japan who calls himself Natsu, fended off strong competition to secure a 'date' with 20-year-old Brazilian student Catarina Migliorini, who is set to sell her virginity for $780,000 (~¥62.6 million) after she put it all on the line for an on-line charity auction that ended on October 25, 2012. 

Migliorini, a physical education university student, says she put up her gash for cash to build homes for poverty-stricken families. Personally, we would have used wood and nails, but I'm a lover not a construction worker.

There were 15 bids for her... though not necessarily 15 people bidding.

The young woman adds that she would be followed every step of the way by an Australian camera crew for a documentary film called 'Virgins Wanted'.

Says Migliorini, "I saw this as a business. I have the opportunity to travel, to be part of a movie and get a bonus with it."

Migliorini's heart is in the right place if she is helping the poor - and why shouldn't she gain a little notoriety and semen as well?

She's attractive enough, I suppose (not my cup of tea), but will the Japanese buyer be checking the goods, so to speak, to ensure he is buying a virgin? How will he know? Blood? Screaming? Her pleas for him to call her the next day?

It's all kind of bizarre. Natsu is actually paying for sex. Regardless of what Migliorini plans to do with the money, she has just sold her ass for cash.

I hope it's cash. I have always wanted to make a money angel, lying atop the money and swooping my arms and legs back and forth. I also love to dive around in it like a porpoise, and burrow through it like a gopher, and toss it up and let it hit me on the head. That's what I would do if I was Migliorini or Scrooge McDuck. Doing it with Monopoly money isn't the same, I imagine.

Why is she not reading a sex manual?
You might as well have some fun after having been pierced by Natsu's katana. Oh... and Natsu, when you read this blog (and thanks for reading these past few months)... make sure you use red sheets. You know why, you perverted philanthropist, you.

Okay... now to Natsu. Is this the frothings of a Japanese pervert looking to deflower a gaijin (foreigner) virgin? I was deflowered in Japan. Does it matter if she's a gaijin? Does it matter if she's a virgin? Are you really just doing all of this to help out the poor? Rather than saying "fug the poor", you're going to get off your ass and onto someone else's ass to be a part of the solution?

I wonder Natsu, if you realized that many young Brazilian women (and girls) are forced to sell their bodies for food and money, and that this whole thing just smacks of yet another stereotype. Brazilian and Japanese.

"Oh look, Diedre, those wacky Japanese are at it again! This one's boffing a virgin he bought on a website!"
"Oooooh. E-bay, I suppose?"
"I don't think E-bay is a virgin."
"Oh. Who do you think screwed E-Bay?"
"Don't know, Diedre. But I bet it was one of those Japanese businessmen with more money than length."
"I wish a Japanese businessmen would pay to screw me."
"Yes... me, too. I need a new telly. The old one has penguin poop all atop of it."

Okay, I shouldn't have brought Monty Python or E-bay into this, even though there are often some bizarre things found for sale on the site - though I have not seen a broken hymen up for grabs - yet. And E-bay, to their credit, will shut down truly offensive sales.

I would be curious to learn just how many different bids were placed for Migliorini's... er... virginity. Who gets to confirm her claim to inflame (virginity)? What was the starting bid? Aside from Natsu of Japan, where were the other bidders from? Why doesn't Migliorini smile in any of the photos I've seen of her? I know. I know.

So... does Natsu give the cash up front to Migliorini? Or... does he give her the money after she checks to ensure he's not a cop by asking poignant questions like: "You're not a cop, are you?" - because failure to answer truthfully could be entrapment if he was a cop.

Or is nothing said... and he just leaves the money on the sink in the bathroom... and then slowly dresses himself in his Pikachu costume before exclaiming "I choose you, Catarina!" and throwing a rice ball-shaped Pokeball at her her Brazilian crotch.

Is it his place or her dorm room? Does he buy her dinner first - a kind of last supper for a virgin? What does a virgin eat for a last meal? Add your joke here. Probably not sausage. Or baked beans - gives you the farts. And what will Migliorini wear to her deflowering? I'm thinking Natsu might like a nice Catholic School girl uniform... I could lend Migliorini mine!

At least Natsu has the common decency not to be reveling in his win, and isn't bragging to the media about his upcoming ravaging of the virgin. We don't know his real name, where he is from, why he likes to pay for the 'honor' of deflowering young foreigners, or... how old he is. Ugh... what if he's like my age?  Or worse, 40? (I can hear you laughing). Okay... she's 20... what if Natsu is 60? 70? 80? Will Migliorini be able to help him get it up and keep it up?

Hey! What happens if Natsu breaks and enters and quickly leaves a mess? Does he get MSOG (multiple shots on goal) or what? Does he supply his own condoms, or will she? Natsu - you better bring your own properly-sized condom(s) (plural means we're hoping, buddy!) Or, is the virgin expected to use feminine birth control products. Or, a day-after product (get ready to be sick).

And dude? A virgin? Really? Someone who doesn't know their way around the boudoir?

"No, no... not like that! Ahhh, crap! It doesn't matter! Just go make me a sandwich!"

Can you imagine if she actually said that? Or him, even?

Will he make up stuff about sex, hoping she has no clue:

"In Japan, a virgin is not considered deflowered unless each opening is perforated. Even your ears. Shhhh! You know the safety word - no... that's not good Japanese pronunciation... Now! NOW! Choke that goat and punch me in the nuts while I eat this sandwich!"

Well... no one said the sex couldn't be 'interesting'...

Why do I care about this story?

I don't. Okay, I do. I'm just asking questions as they pop into my head seeing as how the news reports aren't very forthcoming in proffering details. What? Does no one kiss and tell anymore? Oh good grief... will she write a tell-all book or a blog for the attention-deficit challen... is that a squirrel? I like nuts. Heh... their union is a Brazilian Natsu.

Will the movie company make this available on You Tube? Does she need a business manager? Probably not. This seems like a once in a lifetime proposition. 

Migliorini entered into this contract with her eyes open (soon to be closed for a period of three minutes and 47 seconds) as she imagines herself anyplace but underneath his sweaty Natsu.

He entered into this contract with a boner and a lot of money. As long as no one gets hurt (there might be blood letting involved), who cares what two people do in the privacy of social media? Social media does indeed make strange bedfellows.

But... Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife wishes Migliorini and Natsu nothing but fun in their unholy union in the eyes of whatever god you believe or don't believe in. Really. Whatever... enjoy your less than 15-minutes of fame. And don't forget to help the poor!

Somewhere wanting a woman who knows what she is doing in the sack (or $780,000),
Andrew Joseph

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