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Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Vice Fairy Confuses Me

My buddy Vince sent me a link to a story - but said to just look at the photo. So I did. I didn't even bother reading the story because well - WTF could anyone tell me that I couldn't figure out?

Well... first off... I should have read the article.

My initial reaction was - okay... why is this kind of hot woman wearing a yukata - outdoor bathrobe - that is part of the Vice Fairy collection?

The what now?

Vice Fairy?

Why would a woman want to wear something like this?

Lots of funny banter evolved between myself and Vince... and then I looked at the photo again...

And then I thought... women don't wear outdoor bathrobes! They wear kimono, and look damn sexy doing it.

So why is this chick wearing a yukata?

Oh for love of god.... is that a man in the ad?

Oh fug... it is. That doesn't make me gay does it? Not that there is anything wrong with that. Actually, there is something wrong with that. I'm not gay, and dislike being fooled by advertising.

Cripes. The only other time I have actually been fooled by a transvestite, was by that lead sinner of Dead or Alive, when I first saw her/him, I thought... okay... that eye-patch is kind of sexy... and while I don;t understand why she has such a deep-voice... OMG!!! In my defence, it was 1985 and people had weird hair.

And then there was that time in Singapore when James and I walked into a disco and saw that we must have hit the jackpot - with all of these sexy, beautiful Singapore women - and not a single guy around... and as soon as we walked in and got a drink, we were swarmed by these beautiful creatures... who dragged us out to the dance floor... I know I smiled at James, and he smiled at me... and we - both manly men who really dig women - smiled and counted our lucky stars that I found the best little bar in the world!

And then I wondered why all of the women had scarves around their throat... and while dancing, I bumped into James and asked him if he thought that was strange. James being younger than me, caught on quickly and while smiling hissed at me that everyone of these women were actually men.

Now... I hate being fooled... James too... so we finished up our dance - and the one after it, drank our drinks, and left much to the anguish of many a Singaporean transvestite. Of course, since none of them were grabby, James and I didn't feel the need to scream in panic, which is why we took our time before leaving.

I also should mention that I was also once hit on my a transvestite here in Toronto, which upset my wife, because she was standing right there - obviously with me - while he was trying to pick me up.

Oh yeah... and when I visited a gay bar in the Rainbow Village of Toronto to watch a comedian friend of mine perform - hi AnneMarie - I was hit on by a gay fellow, who either saw me as that bear he found attractive, or he was just yanking my crank to see if I, the straight guy, would freak out.

He admitted as much to my wife when I went to the washroom (never tap your foot in a stall in a gay joint), and to my credit, I spoiled his fun by trying to set him up with a woman I saw walk by.

So... basically, I'm tired of all of the fun and games and all of this gay banter.

What the fug is a Vice Fairy and why would any man want to purchase anything from that collection? Is it being sold to gay men? Why does that offend me? Can't straight men buy this collection/ Not from one named Vice Fairy!

It's also probably why I refused to like the Canadian rock group Loverboy even though I think they were a rocking good band back in the 1980s. See video above. They also did: Turn Me Loose; Working For The Weekend; Lovin' Every Minute Of It; The Kid Is Hot Tonight.... seriously - any other name, and I would have been a fan. 

Vice Fairy?So I looked at the article... it listed some of the Vice Fairy ads and what their slogans are. The slogans are in English, though I am pretty sure their audience is the young androgynous whatever who looks like David Bowie in the 1970s back when he was Ziggy Stardust. That's the fabulous redhead to the right.

Here are some of the slogans on the ads:
“Things are going elegantly. Elegantly.”
“Let’s just see you enchant me. Let’s test the reaction time of the best yukata there ever was, is or will be.”
“I will show the world all of the manly magic and charm that a man could possibly possess!”
“Come, fear me, want me, tonight too, the hero is mine.”
“Dare I say: This is the ultimate evolution [Vice Fairy].”

The ultimate evolution? Question: Are we not men? I have no idea... apparently I can't tell half the time.

Answer: We are Devo(lution).
Andrew "Will a real woman please stand up and give me her seat" Joseph
PS: I believe I owe Vince a kick in the throat for sending me that ad in the first place.

Here's a classic song from The Who: Won't Get Fooled Again:
or... if you prefer, in honor of Vince: Boston - More Than  A Feeling:
And of course.. Dead Or Alive: You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)

And, because they first asked the question via vinyl regarding: Are we not men? Devo - Whip It:


  1. in that advert - footwear on the tatami??? Oh, faux paus!

    1. Holy crap - I didn't notice that! Of course I thought he was a she, so apparently my days as an investigative journalist are long dead.