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Thursday, July 4, 2013

Jappy July 4th

Happy Independence Day from Japan—It's A Wonderful Rife.

You know... I didn't mean to write that headline. It was supposed to be Happy... but, if you will look down towards your standard keyboard, you will notice that the J is right beside the H.

I leave it up, hoping people will see the brilliant accidental wit.

On a serious note... since the first woman I ever slept with was an American in Japan, the United States has always held a place of honor (add pun here) for me. She was my Lady Liberty, for whom I shall always carry a torch for.

The fact that the first woman I wanted to sleep with in Japan was a hot little number (K) who happened to be an American of Japanese decent, and you can see where I am going with this.  I should mention that I did not sleep with her - the gods conspired against me - but I have it on good authority - her - that she would have slept with me. She told me that a couple of years ago after she got married. Yeah, K... safe call.   

I'm not mentioning names, but regular readers know who I am talking about...

People I didn't want to sleep with, but have provided me with umpteen narratives on this blog, as well as great friendship, include, but are not limited to Vinnie and Matthew and Jeff and a host more.

Thanks for reading and for your continued friendship and support.

Now... you Americans... enjoy your day of Independence (have a tea and don't worry about the tax)  and try not to think about how we (Canadians) kicked your butt in the war of 1812.

Andrew Joseph


  1. What happened during phase two of that butt kicking. "We have met the enemy and he is ours", referred to what? I find that Canadians are extremely nationalistic which is the very thing they accuse their southern neighbors of being. Is this true? Is it true of you? They shout that they are Canadians whenever possible and love to make digs, like yours, about kicking butt. Yet, if an American expresses pride in their country they roll their eyes making it clear that the American is some sort of nut.
    What say you?


    1. Hey Jon. I love American pride in their country and truly wish we dumbass Canadians would share the same view of our own country. We do not. Not all of us. I can ask 100 people here in my office the basic 'what are you?' question and will get: Italian, Portuguese, German, blah-blah-blah... and none of them were born there! It's effing ridiculous.
      You will recall that BNA (British North America) did go down and burn the old White House, right? Americans tried to attack Canada. The fact that we are still here shows that we repelled the invaders. The Star Spangled Banner is a great song about how the US staved off a mighty attack by BNA... bombs bursting in air... and gave proof thru the night that our flag was still there... you took a beating and survived. Not won. Survived.
      No one won that war. But since we weren't the invaders...
      The US had great victories, as did BNA.
      But... for Canadians... the event is recalled out of a sense of nationalistic pride that we defended our borders and kicked some ass doing it.
      Yes... we even have coins celebrating that event. Last year and this year.
      Now... the US... one of the best things they took out of this war was the fact that it further unified the country. Big time. Burning down the White House? Holy crap, Jon... that strengthened the US. The flag was still there.
      Now Jon... especially since 9/11.. I have seen a radical shift in the way Canadians view Americans. More brothers-in-arms... we feel for you. And we hurt with you. And we celebrate with you.
      We may not care for some of the nose-poking into other countries, but 99x out of 100 we are with you.
      Do we hate American nationalism? Hell no. Real Canadians respect it.
      Are we very nationalistic? Hell no. I wish we were more like the Americans. Some are. There are always extremists.
      Sure we love to give a good dig here or there... but you'll notice I was called a 'Snowback'...
      Canadian victories over the US are few. We are the poor cousins. The US sneezes, Canada usually catches a cold.
      We try our best to sound superior in everything. Sometimes we are. Sometimes we are not.
      But Jon... it may truly be that anytime you've come across a Canadian rolling his/her eyes at American pride, it's just ignorance or jealousy... or perhaps... and I say perhaps they are tired of hearing about it. We Canadians are bombarded with American messages through the media. Bombarded! So... sometimes people get itchy.
      Hell... I watched INdependance Day last night and wondered what the hell Canada was doing. Tapping maple trees or something...
      Like I said... I have three people not 10 feet away from me here at work... Italians. All born in Canada. As a landed immigrant to Canada... and one who arrived in the 60s... I fought to be accepted as a Canadian. You wouldn't believe what I had to go through... I'll tell you in a blog with a Japanese angle...
      Jon... thanks for writing, man. You'll also note that I took great pride in noting my two great women in Japan... Americans...
      Cheers, brother!

  2. My family landed in North America from foreign shores as well. Most of them in Canada but some of them in the US. Thanks for the blog. Many years in Japan myself teaching at Japanese private schools. Now I am working as a contractor for uncle Sam in Afghanistan.
    There are a lot a second hand Japanese vehicles on this base. Former school vans or work trucks although not nearly as many as before. I can send you some photos of them if you think you can work them into a story. I will need an address to send them I do not see one posted on this blog.


    1. Of course!