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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Soaplands - Rub You A Wrong Time

With Japan's economy feeling like it just got a shot of Viagra and Cialis via the new Abenomics stimulation package, various business sectors have begun to feel movement… including… down there, if you know what I mean.

Proving that there's a sucker born every minute, Japan's Soaplands are feeling the rise in public purchasing power, as it comes to a header in renewed demand for its services.

Soaplands are a place where you can be loved for a long time - as long as you have the money - by sexy Japanese women who will wash your filthy genitalia in warm soapy suds.

Soaplands came into existence in 1958... coincidentally that was when sexual intercourse type prostitution became illegal in Japan. But, at that time, women did indeed wash men for money - and the whole thing was called turuko-buro (Turkish bath).

After Turks got upset that the Japanese were using this offensive name for things other than bathing, the Japanese held a nationwide contest to rename the places... and Soapland was chosen, because... everybody loves English.

Now… since I have no personal knowledge on what actually goes on within the confines of a room at a Soapland, I can only assume that the soapy, sudsy tiny, calloused hands of the Soapland workers must accidentally come into contact with either the customer's penis or testicular ball sack whilst they clean him down there. That the said contact might cause a rise in emotions for the customer, is a possibility. As such, to ensure that the customer will have a pleasant experience, the Soapland worker does her best to ensure that there is some sort of happy ending.

I should state that officially, no sexually intercourse is actually performed at a Soapland, as sexual intercourse for money is against the law in Japan, and I am sure no Soapland would want to be in breach of the law.

Whether said happy ending involves the Soapland worker utilizing her hand to provide a digital experience; or whether lip-service is provided; or whether a probing into a tight spot might cause a sticky situation to conclude… well… that's up to one's wallet, isn't it?

Okay… enough beating around the bush… you can get jerked off, blown or screwed at a Soapland. And… business is up.

Why? People have more money to spend thanks to a better economy.

People are horny.

People are old or Chinese.


Well, while not exclusive, by any means, there is indeed a boom in business at Japan's Soaplands, and businesses are seeing a rise in customers coming over from China, as well as from Japan's own senior citizen population. And even old Chinese people.
Soupy Sales... that's different. Damn Auto-correct.

Ancient, Chinese secret, huh?
According to a July 26, 2013 article in Japan Today, they talked with Ikoma Akira (surname first), the editor of Ore no Tabi, a soft porn magazine, who says there seems to be an increase in business at the Soaplands on the 15th of every other month when the Nenkin (national pension) checks (cheques, too) are doled out.

"Around those days you can see nattily dressed seniors marching in. While some places in Ikebukuro and Shinjuku don’t admit older men, Yoshiwara’s more broadminded—you don’t see them treated that way.”

Some places don't admit the older men? Interesting. I get it. I would assume that it takes a bit more work to get the older boys off, and that's not something a Soapland worker can afford, as the business revolves around a quick turnover so that one can make more money hand over fist.

Ikoma adds: "Men who have made a killing in the stock market might opt to visit a super deluxe shop that charges 60,000 yen or more for two hours."

¥60,000 is about $600, which is a lot of money… considering one could probably hire a pair of women in Toronto for full on dual action (FFM) and still have change left over to get your car washed too (see HERE).

Now… lest one think that Soaplands are beyond your reach, there are many places that cater to simple folks who have a smaller budget, so to speak, where, for between ¥10,000 - ¥20,000 ($100-$200), you can still have fun… but your time is up after 30 minutes. Or sooner.

The thing is… if you are paying ¥60,000 for a couple of hours of fun, you may indeed have multiple shots on goal, but ensure you check first with the dealer, because your mileage may vary.

Now… according to the Japan Today article, senior citizens looking to have someone choke their chicken or gobble their turkey or cook their goose (hmm, that's not a proper bird euphemism for ducking... whoops, spelled that one wrong), well, these old boys might be horny or lonely or horny, but they aren't stupid.

Despite looking to have sex with women as young as their granddaughter, it can be tough to attain and maintain their interest in things… and as such, erectile dysfunction pills are often taken by the old dudes, who are affectionately known as the 'Yoshiwara pensioners tribe'.

According to one Soapland owner, one tribe member in his 80s boasted that after spending ¥2,000 ($20) on a little blue pill, he was able to do it twice in a month - once at the Soapland, and once with his wife. Who knew those pills lasted that long?

They don't.

I think I can - I think I can - I think I can… 
If we listen to Fukushima Hiroki (surname first), the president of Tokyo's Toshima Ward-based Toho International (Japanese language school), and a person who makes it his business to know about affluent Chinese consumers:

"Two years ago the restrictions on tourist visas to Japan were relaxed, and since then word has been circulated that Yoshiwara is the place to go for ‘the ultimate in service'."

While everyone knows that China also has Soaplands (I assume everyone knows), the Chinese themselves say that those places are as boring as watching paint dry on a Great Wall - all two of them.

As such, when they visit Japan, they hit the Soaplands, as they feel they are treated better… not just as a customer, but as a lover.

Didn't I already use: Me love you long time? - as a line? How about: "Me rub you a long time"?

Anyhow... it's not just about sex, the visitors enjoy the customer service of free cigarettes or juice - things that are apparently paid for by the Soapland workers out of their own pocket.

They have pockets?

"Nothing up my sleeve - presto!"
"I sure do love your apple juice."

They also will provide an offer to iron out the wrinkles on one's slacks, which I assume is code for something dirty, because I'm pretty sure they have laundries in China.

I personally can't believe that the Japan Today article bothered to write that part about the fact that the Chinese are visiting Soaplands and that it's not merely for the sex.

For the price of a smoke and a juice, getting your clock cleaned (I think that was a typo) at a Soapland is ALL about the sex. Let's not be naive here.

Soaplands… not about sex? Don't make me angry… I'll get all in a lather and might go off all over you here in this blog.

Andrew Joseph
PS - Auto-correct kept trying to change 'seaplanes' into 'seaplanes'. Holy crap - did it again! Really! It changes 'Soaplands' into 'seaplanes'. Auto-correct makes me feel dirty. And stupid.


  1. Man you are really an inspiration. I have to bookmark this blog.

  2. You had me at Rub you wrong time, but lost me to a public display of LOL at an Osaka Starbucks with "Seaplanes". I am off to a seaplanes. Damn. Seaplanes. Damn...

    1. Ha! Thanks, Snuphy! Auto-Correct is the bane of my existence! It is constantly changing things as I type them in other formats - and no one in IT seems to have a clue how to shut it off... and despite being an editor in my day job, I'm not a good editor ay editing my own stuff.

  3. Funny article! I've been doing some research on these places myself recently

    1. Thank-you Thomas... research is key when doing business of any kind. There's probably a blog to the right of this page (my blog list) that has all sorts of 'adult' information. I know the guy. It's all good.

  4. I wouldn’t call the people that frequent these establishments “suckers” after all they’re getting what they paid for

    1. Hey... it was actually a comment made by one friend after he found out our mutual friend had visited a soapland. It was an homage to a comment made 27 years ago (now). But yeah... you are correct. I've dated women in a lot of underground industries (not in Japan), and actually have a lot of respect for them. My "sucker" comment is, to be honest, not fair, as you have stated. Thanks for reading and writing in.