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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Gaijin Wolverine? WTF?

For all you Wolverine fans out there, check out this 2004 San Diego Comic Con and Chicago Wizard World exclusive toy.

This is the Mariko/Gaijin Wolverine Marvel Minimates 'action figure(s).

Mariko was Wolverine's boring Japanese girlfriend. Of course, she's the daughter of a Japanese crime lord, proving that Wolverine (aka Logan) is not the only Canadian gaijin who sure can pick'em!

Now… I was there in Chicago in 2004, but by the time I got over to the appropriate booth - it was gone. I'm kidding. Even being in my 30s then I was far too old for this... I only collected comic books.

But… check out the Wolverine…  there have been other Wolverine characters (six in total) made by Marvel Minimates as of this creation in 2004 (and no I don't care how many have been made as of 2013)… but why is THIS one called the 'Gaijin' Wolverine?

Gaijin Wolverine. Audible sigh.

Wolverine is a Canadian, who was born with the mutant ability to slowly age (he's around 150 years old), has bone claws that can be extended and retracted from each hand, has a keen sense of smell, and a superb healing ability. Later his entire skeleton was injected and is now covered with Adamantium, a made-up indestructible metal alloy in the Marvel Comics universe.

Wolvie is perhaps the most popular Marvel Comics character out there. He's Marvel's answer to the dark, moody and vicious Batman.

Anyhow… Marvel Minimates are manufactured by Diamond Selects… and excluding a Wolverine character nicknamed Patch (from his time in southeast Asia from the on-going Wolverine comic book series), Wolverine pretty much just has a different costume on and has his claws jutting out. Snikt!

So what's with the effing 'Gaijin' moniker for this set?

Is it because he's got a Japanese girlfriend? Ha-ha… okay, I get it. Very funny Diamond Selects.

But then again… WTF?

See that other Marvel Minimates two-pack above? It's the Battle-Scarred Thing (of the Fantastic Four) either battling or teaming up with Gaijin Wolverine II (he has a mask on now).

Again with the gaijin crack.

How is this Wolverine a gaijin?

He's not hanging out with his Japanese girlfriend! And… I bet she NEVER called him a gaijin! Certainly not to his face... after all, like all gaijin, he's a homicidal maniac. Now... her crime lord father might call Logan a gaijin… but not Mariko!

So… why is Wolverine being called a gaijin in his box alongside The 'battle-scarred' Thing?

Is it because he's Canadian?

Do American's have something against us Canadian snowbacks? Did my former American friend Tom actually call me a snowback once?

Just so you know… Tom is dead now.

I didn't kill him, but that doesn't change that fact.

Snowback and now gaijin?! Blame Canada?

That's enough of that. I'm taking my hockey net and going home.

Kiss my ass Marvel Universe. I always did prefer DC best. How can you make a movie starring one of the most beautiful women on the planet (Jessica Alba) and have her star as The Invisible Girl!!!!??? from the Fantastic Four?

Gaijin Wolverine? Oh that the race of men could sink so low…

I love Japanese women… but in the comics, Mariko was boring… why make an 'un-action' figure of her?

Oh… and Jessica?… Call me, babe. We'll get some maple-glazed donuts.

Andrew Joseph

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