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Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Grandpaaaaaaaa Bought A Rubber!

That loud sing-song line in the headline is from fantastic funnyman Steve Martin, who bellowed it out for no reason in the middle of a stand-up set back in the late 1970s.

Hopefully it has meaning for this particular blog entry about Japan's oldest pimp.

Well… who knows if that is true, but let's just say that Japan's oldest arrested pimp is a 70-year-old gent who was arranging sexual liaisons for senior citizens.

From what I can tell, the trysts were not between professional prostitutes and senior citizens, but rather really just was between the golden oldies.

Kuroda Kiyohide (pictured above about to be gently placed into a police car lest he break a hip) was arranging the sexual meetings between the seniors by advertising 'tea-drinking companions' in local newspapers via his club San Ai (Three Loves).

In fact, Kuroda had apparently been advertising this meet, drink and screw service for about 10 years, placing daily adverts in the Tokyo Shimbun and two other newspapers. The Tokyo Shimbun took in ¥42,000 (~$420) every month for the advertisements… though I am sure no one there thought it was an advert for anything other than lonely old people getting together for o-cha (green tea).

Who knew that o-cha was code for hot-cha-cha-cha-cha-cha!?

According to police reports, Kuroda has helped some 1,000 old men hook-up with some 350 old women - mostly in their swinging 60s - as registered members of the San Ai club. The oldest man was 88, and the oldest woman was 82.

The arranging isn't illegal… it was Kuroda's commission for arranging the liaisons that was illegal - pimping, which really breached Japan's anti-Prostitution laws.

"I recruited tea-drinking companions as I did not wish to give the impression that mine was sex business," Kuroda reportedly told investigators. "I thought people seeking prostitution understood what it meant."

For all you Monty Python fans, you know that picking up the lingo on what an ad really means can be difficult (at around the 45-second mark):

To join the club, members paid ¥5,000 (~$50) up front. While there is no other fee to meet up, if the men wanted to engage in some wrinkly sex, they had to pay ¥20,000 to ¥25,000 (~$200-$250) for each session.

The newspaper reports were not clear if the session fees were for rooms only, or if a portion of that money was given to the women, in which case there was real prostitution going on. But… it appears as though Kuroda kept the service fees all for himself.

The San Ai club is based in Katsuchika Ward's Shin Koiwa-area in Tokyo. Kuroda is listed as the manager of the club - not as owner…

And, while no one is mentioning it, it appears as though Kuroda had a silent partner - perhaps a nine-fingered tattooed one. But, as I said, no one has mentioned that. Not even me.

Andrew Joseph

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