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Friday, April 4, 2014

Dating a Japanese Teacher Of English You Work With

Again on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme Forum website, there are a number of people wondering if it is possible for an AET (assistant English teacher) on the program to 'date' one of their JTEs (Japanese teachers of English).


Of course it's possible.

My life--an open book of 20 years past here in this blog - is my proof. You can call bullsh!t if you like, but at least one person who reads this blog fairly regularly will know I speak the truth here.

1) I had a one night stand with female Japanese physical education teacher after a drunken school teacher party.
2) I got to 3rd base - or whatever a heavy kissing session involving partial nudity might imply with a female Japanese music teacher.
3) I was engaged to - and thus had not only a lot of sex with her, but also a passionate relationship - with a Japanese teacher of English at one of my schools.

And those are just the three I remember. Kidding. When it comes to women and sex... I remember everything. Probably. Who knows?

Anyhow... just these are three pretty women amongst the 30 or so I slept with in three years on the Programme. Not bad considering I had an AET girlfriend for the first year that I never cheated on... though stuff happened when she would occasionally break up with me because I was apparently 'getting too close'.

All three Japanese women mentioned above were teachers at various junior high schools that I was an AET at in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken between 1990-1993 when I called Japan my home sweet home.

I probably could also have slept with a couple of women at my Board of Education office, but decided not to encourage their drunken squeezing of my groinal area during and after various office parties. They weren't my type, I suppose.

Regular readers of my blog (this blog has plenty of stories about my trials and tribulations in wooing her and then dating her) will already know that I was engaged to one. A very beautiful young lady who when she first met me thought I was the biggest asshole on the planet...

She was wrong. I'm not the biggest asshole... not in Japan... not in my city... and most assuredly not in her school.

From the moment she put her well turned ankles into that junior high school (Nozaki Chu Gakko), she was beset upon by every man in the building... single and married. It was like bears to honey. And no... they weren't just welcoming her to the school... every guy wanted to get close to her, if you know what I mean.

I had to work very, very hard to gain her trust as a man worthy of her affections. I wrote her a love haiku poem moments after first being introduced to her that I still think is the best three lines of writing I have ever written. Certainly the best I have ever written in under a minute. I'm only a fast writer.

I had to rely on the aid of our students to help convince her that I might make an ideal husband for her. I never asked the students to do that for me, nor did I tell them that I liked her... but they knew. And I love every single nameless one of those students for stepping up and doing something completely unexpected for me.

I guess I made a good impression on them for me to have gained their trust. Of course... I had worked with many of the students for two years, some only one... and others... first-year-students... they were the best... well, I have no idea why they went to bat for me and Noboko. But they did.

I only wished that I had more time left on my contract on the JET Programme. I think. Noboko was afraid to tell her folks about me, and always said to others that I was just a friend to her. We knew better, of course.

She wanted to keep our relationship private... but pretty damn near everyone knew she and I were girlfriend-boyfriend.

She wanted to keep it quiet because her father was in a position of some importance in the Tochigi-ken educational field... being the 'boss' of the northern part of Tochigi's junior high school principals.

She wanted to keep it quiet because when a Japanese girl is dating a gaijin male, it is assumed that they are having sex. It's a great assumption that is 99.99999% of the time correct. And what is (not) up with that 0.00001%?

She wanted to keep it quiet because a Japanese woman dating a gaijin man and having sex makes her a slut. It makes the gajin male a superstar hero to every man (gaijin or otherwise), but the poor woman... she is a slut and a disgrace to Japan. That's pretty much a universal standard, though.

That's an exaggeration, of course. I know plenty of Japanese parents who did not think that way about their daughter. Two of my best gaijin friends in Japan married Japanese women and are living happily ever after - one there, one back in the US. They did not marry one of their JTE's, however.

But... believe it or not... some Japanese people have a progressive mind and are happy if their daughter is happy.

But anyway... to the point in hand... yes... an AET on the JET Programme can indeed date or have sex with a Japanese teacher of English.

I'm pretty sure it wasn't an overly common occurrence - even back in the day when I lived in Japan - but of course it can be done.

I do believe, however, the JTEs are probably more careful of screwing around with an AET, than if he was say... a gaijin bartender.

Number one... and this is a very important reason, is that they don't want to jeopardize their own job. That type of fraternization might be frowned upon. Not might. It would be.

Number two... how long are you staying in Japan? Women want a relationship, if possible. Yes... some just want sex... like men... but many would prefer to only offer sex if there was a proper relationship... love, perhaps. Some men, too. That was me... at least with Noboko.

I wanted no other woman but her after I first laid eyes on her... and even dumped an 18-year-old sex kitten with 38DD boobs the same night after I saw my teacher. For me it was love at first sight, poor eyes and all (I wear some major contact lenses).

I wish I could properly describe that feeling of nirvana that blanketed me when I first saw her and knew I wanted nothing more than to make her my wife... I didn't JUST want to sleep with her... I knew from the first moment I saw her... from the moment I touched her skin with a handshake... from the moment I smelled her pheromones mixed with that damn shampoo... I knew it was going to be more.

I really thought I was going to be that fairy tale ending - and 'they lived happily ever after'... I really did.

And yet... it took me over a month or more to convince her to have dinner at my apartment. I didn't even make a move on her that night, such was my resolve. All because I wanted to show her I was into her for more than just sex. I wanted a relationship.

I got one, and it was amazing.

So... there... although your experiences in Japan will certainly vary from my own, dating one of your English teachers is possible.

She's a woman... and you're a man (or vice versa). Sometimes that deadly combination is enough to overcome social and cultural barriers. Sometimes. Probably not that often. Certainly not as often as one might hope.

But there's always a chance. Fifty-Fifty, in fact. You will succeed or you won't succeed.

Just remember... it takes two to tango. Three to form a conga line, but only one to do the twist.

Now dance, little meat puppets. Dance.

Andrew Joseph


  1. I stumbled upon your blog while on the search for some JET program information. I will be leaving to Japan in July and I just want to say thanks for being so frank and open. When I ask former or current JETs about their experiences, most want to walk on eggshells and tiptoe around their daily life in Japan. This is refreshing. -Sarah

    1. Congratulations on going to Japan! Where will you be stationed?
      And... thanks for the compliments! I try to be as fair as possible... probably because I can always see another person's point of view (just not my wife's! LOL!).
      My blog offers a look at a small city that is more rural than anything else...
      Actual early blogs dedicated to my life in Japan for the three years I was there can be found if you look for blogs with Rock and Roll song names...
      If you are going to a big city like Osaka or Tokyo... well... aside from all the Japanese folk... it's a lot like any big city... probably too many foreigners around. Whatever you do, Sarah... find time for yourself and get out and see as much of the country (side) as you can.
      Oh... and if you can... bring photos of yourself so that you can show a hairdresser what you want. It's tough being a woman with regards to hairdressers. And... bring a lot of clothes and shoes if you are taller than 5'6" or have feet larger than an 8 because no matter what, it's difficult to find your size... or... something fashionable.
      I had to have my mom ship over a pair of runners and dress shoes at the end of my first year... and came home after the second year to recharge and get new clothes.
      Hmmm... maybe I should do more advice on what to bring...

  2. Thank you. I actually have no idea where I will be stationed. I find out in June but I am going into this whole program thinking...."fuck it, it's Japan!" I think I can make it work anywhere. It is scary for me because I am not extremely passionate about teaching (it does seem a little fun) and I am just recently getting tired of my current job and working towards the video game industry...I don't want to come back 30 and have to find a career all over again! I said, I am excited and I will make it work. This is one of the those experiences I can't let slip by. I have read some of your older posts and enjoyed them very much. (On a side note, I am totally going to steal your idea and use song titles whenever I decided to blog about my experience. I'll sprinkle in some David Bowie, Mott the Hople, Sonic Youth and New Order. I am stuck in the 80s.) I am only 5'1! I think I can blend right in. :) Cheers!! - Sarah