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Monday, June 16, 2014

Japanese Girls Are Easy

According to the second sentence of the first paragraph I ever wrote in this blog, I just wanted to get laid. 

As the title suggests, this blog is about how Japanese girls/women are easy. And when I say 'girls', I really do mean 'women'.

But they aren't. At least not any more than anyone else from another country... and yet... for me and countless others, they do appear to be easy.

What does easy mean?

Well, in this case it means easy to get laid... or rather when you chat up a Japanese woman, for gaijin men it is easier to get laid.

In my own situation, I was a near 26-year-old virgin with low self-esteem from Toronto when I arrived in Ohtawara-shi, a smallish city of 50,000 people in Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I knew nothing of the language, its customs, its history or its people. Most of the stuff I had heard about Japan turned out to be wrong... merely stereotypes like the Japanese people being very serious with no sense of humor... but - in my situation - I found them to have a wonderful sense of humor - pretty much from the moment I first met any of them.

I think some of that is on me, as I tend to walk around grinning even now, some 24 years later after arriving in Japan in 1990. Even though I only stayed for three years, the damn country and its people made quite the impression on me.

So... back to: Japanese Girls Are Easy.

Well... for me... they were.


Japan is a pretty homogenous country. There is little immigration, and even what there is, few stick around to become Japanese citizens.

As a result, you can almost be sure that the Japanese people you meet in Japan are Japanese... and not like me... A brown-skinned Canadian born in England of parents born in India... with some Portuguese blood in me... a Catholic mother, Protestant father and a Jewish grandmother.

Perhaps because of this... and perhaps because my parents always wanted to fit in, I learned as much about the culture as possible and ingratiated myself into that society to the best of my ability.

In this case, I am talking about Canada.

I also tried to do the same in Japan... but admittedly, I only had three short years to do that.

The first think, ever single guy-jin has to realize, when it comes to Japanese women, is that in order for them to be considered 'easy', they have to find something about you that they find intriguing.

Whether that is one thing or several things, there has to be something people find 'attractive' about you.

I have/had several things going for me:
  • I am not your typical gaijin (foreigner).
  • I am not an American. I am a Canadian.
  • I am of above-average height.
  • I am in decent shape, though not (at that time) overweight or muscular. I am a bit of both now.
  • I am above-average educated.
  • I am above-average in my sense of humor.
  • I am above-average in my communication abilities.
  • I was, at that time, leaving a job as a newspaper reporter for one of the top five newspapers in North America (which may or may not be true anymore) to come and live and work in Japan.
  • I have brown eyes and black hair like the Japanese, but my height and frame and darker skin tone put me in the more exotic area of your typical gaijin appearing in Japan.
This is just my opinion, of course—I said I was above-average educated, not necessarily above-average smart. I don't think I'm above average in looks. Just sorta okay-looking... I mean the parts are all there and in the general vicinity of where they are supposed to be.

Anyhow... this all comes with me having 24 years to look back at things to try and figure out just how the hell I made out like a frickin' bandit. Because even if I didn't think I did, apparently others did. Who knew?

Unlike your typical 'playah', I didn't hang around in bars and try and pick up women.

I might have hung around in bars, but generally that was so I could get a drink. For some reason, perhaps it was because my students told their older sisters about the funny gaijin, I often had Japanese women come up to me in the bar to either grab a quick English lesson or to flirt.

To me, it equated to the exact same thing.

Then, like now, I tend to exude this "I don't give a sh!t if you talk to me or not" attitude (but I do, of course), but what it really boils down to is that I only ever asked out one woman while I was in Japan, and was asked out by maybe 75, and actually slept with about 30+ women.

I should note that these numbers, while some might consider them high, could have been even higher except for the fact that I had a girlfriend for the first 13 months - and I never cheated on her... though I did sleep with other women after she and I broke up several times within those 13 months.

I also had a girlfriend for three months and one for six... and no... I did not sleep around on them because, as I mentioned earlier, I had low self-esteem, and why screw up a good thing with the woman I was with at that time?

Anyhow... that one woman I asked out... she did NOT want to go out with me and had to be convinced by a school of junior high school students that I was indeed worth of her... which may or may not have been true, even if their actions were.

Think about that.

I had a bunch of Japanese teenagers successfully convince their Japanese teacher of English that I really was more substance than flash... something that took over a month for them to achieve by the way.

Japanese women are easy... but some of them aren't.

I think that when I arrived in Japan, I thought I was shy. But in truth, I had just begun to climb out of my shell.

A lot of good things had started happening to me, what with earning kudos in school, getting chosen to go into the Toronto Star summer internship program and seeing my stories on the front page, and chosen to enter the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme, to teaching eight kids how to play piano and one clarinet - all while excelling in a journalism program that allowed me to leave early to work at the Toronto Star (Thanks, Humber College).

I had only started dating four years earlier, but was still in virginal territory.

But I don't know what happened when I arrived in Japan. I was picked up by the friendly American, Kristine - as a friend, was chosen by the friendly American, Ashley - as a boyfriend... and that was all before I even set foot in my hometown of Ohtawara.

People there knew that I was dating Ashley... and I bet some of the people wondered how the hell I could arrive in Japan and have a girlfriend after two days.

And, whenever Ashley would break up with me over stuff that to this day I have no knowledge of (or I've blocked it all from my mind), I would have Japanese women hit on me.

Trust me. For a guy who hadn't slept with a woman until he arrived in Japan... to being devastated when the only woman he had ever slept with dumped him... and then seeing woman line up to be my girlfriend... well... my confidence grew, even without the sexual connotation.

And it grew and grew and grew.

So... why did the Japanese women want to date me?

Well... there were a fair number of gaijin men in my town... and I'm sure all of us got more than our fair share... I have no idea about the others, so I'm not even going to mention any by name, save that a couple of them did get married to Japanese women while I was there... and this is just the gaijin in MY town.

I was exotic in Japan... and I should have been exotic in Canada... and for a while, I certainly was when I got back... as I muscled up, grew my hair damn long and perhaps became over-confident.

I also only asked one woman out in Japan for a reason... I was shy. I still am, believe it or not. yes, I am... even though I tell everyone all about me and my foibles via this blog.

But... I was a great flirt. Still am, I think. But I only flirt after someone makes contact with me. Actually... I think in my entire life, I have only kissed two women whom I have actually initiated contact with.

What I am trying to say is... if Japanese girls are indeed easy, it's because maybe you are in the right place at the right time, and for whatever reason, everything is going your way.

Of course... things don't always go one's way.

I never just wanted to sleep with women. I wanted to date them. I wanted a girlfriend. But, it seems, I was a boy-toy in Japan... something exotic that made women want to sleep with me, but not want to date me.

So... I suppose it all depends on what your definition of easy is.

It was easy for me to sleep with women, but for whatever reason, I wanted more...  and that next step... that wasn't easy.

In fact... just sleeping with so many women actually destroyed my confidence in being able to find a secure relationship. As such, I really had to try to find someone I liked, rather than just have them hit on me.

What? Me ask someone out? I suppose... 

So... be careful what you wish for.

Anyhow... check out THIS blog that was posted earlier this week, that was sent to me AFTER I wrote this article...the author makes lots of great points, though also mentions low sex drive in the Japanese women.

Uh... okay... I never saw that. In fact, I saw the opposite... which is probably why every situation is different.

Maybe it's because my situation occurred 20 years earlier in a part of Japan that had not seen a whole lot of wacky, gaijin men, as opposed to places like Tokyo or Osaka—big cities where there are plenty of horny gaijin men looking to bang anything in a pleated skirt.

Time and location. Plus personality et al.

It's like that in any country, by the way.

How is it that after coming back from Japan I was "dating scores of hot women" but before Japan not one woman would have looked in my general direction even if I was fanning myself with $20 bills.

I think people smell confidence on other people... 

What smell do you emit?

Andrew Joseph


  1. I should visit Japan..i am 193cm, blue eyes and 110 kg..not fat..and i have 5,000 comics as well...:D

  2. Nothing makes me laugh more when pakis like yourself consider yourself to be Canadian or British. White people in Canada, Britain or any other majority White country look at you with disparaging eyes and consider you to be nothing but a paki.

    1. Hey gutless... at least I'm not an anonymous racist like you... oh wait... I have your IP address! I'm collecting them all and will broadcast the names of all the nice people like you.

    2. Hey, don't blame him as racist, it is different thing. He just mean that for people, whose ancestors lived in GB for hundreds years, your statement, that you are real British, is offense for them.
      Yep, he act rude, but not act rude in response.
      And i'm sorry for my very bad english)
      Hmm, one last thought. Your parens from India. You was born in England. You lived in Canada. Now you in Japan. Why you ever need that "nation-thingy"? You are a citizen of the world!

    3. Hello Максим (Macksim - Maxim?) Sorry, my Russian isn't very good.
      I like your points... but HIS point is that he seems to think there is a TIME Limit on when one can consider themselves to be a Canadian or Russian or American... He talks about how WHITE people as the only ones who can be Canadian or British. That's ridiculous. Especially nowadays. However, my friend... I'm NOT in Japan... I was only there for 3 years... BUT, I understand what you are saying. Thanks. I'm not a citizen of the world, but I do feel a little bit more a part of it than some people. Thank you for writing! And... there's nothing wrong with your English! I understand you!

    4. Hey Anon, I am British Canadian who will always be whiter than you can ever hope to be. If Andrew wants to call himself British because he was you know - Born There - then that's fine by me. So run along and find a nice new rock to crawl under.

    5. Hey anonymous, I'm sorry for whatever childhood trauma causes you to feel that way. But speaking as a 6th-generation Canadian of Scottish descent, married to a 4th-generation Canadian of Eurasian heritage, Andrew sounds about as Canadian as it gets. wgjkkwgjkf, s-a, nmste, cheers

    6. How is Canada a white country, the native settlers were brown skinned natives, who were ruthlessly slaughtered, and their nation stolen from them. Canada is a country for all races, even whites. Britain stole the wealth and sovereignty of half the world, many of those dirty pakis, were veterans of the British army fighting to protect Britains shores from the very nazi, Italian, and Japanese scum that threatened it. You are not a Briton, nor a Canadian, you are a wee ant, grovelling online like an animal. That man is a British-Canadian, as he was born in Britain, and is a citizen of Canada.

    7. Thanks, people! I appreciate you helping stick up for me. It's that person's right to have an opinion, as we all know, and it's our right to agree or not agree with it. As you can see, I don't have to publish any comment I don't want, but I felt, in this case, that it would open things up for discussion. Again, thanks.

    8. Really bad performance Anonymous.
      Was that the most appropriate thing that popped into your head after reading this article?

  3. Which city or town did u live in

    1. Hey Zed, see six paragraphs below the photo...

    2. Why take the time to answer the question only to refer him back to the story.

    3. Why not? I'm making the point that I answered the question when I wrote the article - that I cared enough to include such things... I didn't want it to look like I didn't care enough as a writer to provide as many facts as humanly possible.
      Why? Did you find my response uncaring or harsh? It wasn't meant to be.
      As I said, it was written to show that I cared enough to write it out ONCE when I created the article - holy crap - almost three years ago.
      Cheers, thanks for writing.

  4. I had the same experience when I was stationed in Japan in 1956/58. It was paradise for a young man.

  5. I had the same experience when I was stationed in Japan in 1956/58. It was paradise for a young man.

    1. Hey Niku - right on! Strange, but exciting country... and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. Aside from the 'fun', was YOUR experience interesting?

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    1. I saw your e-mail... look... it depends WHERE you are in your life as much as it depends on WHERE you are located on the map.
      I know what you are saying about it being difficult because of you "putting up a barrier" even if you didn't man to. Women can sense that sort of stuff, just as they can sense confidence. After gaining confidence... there was no stopping me. Just lucky... there's no real secret or explanation, I don;t think.

  7. Interesting post. So you are posting daily about Japan even now, 24 years after leaving? Or did you move back?

    1. 23 years later and not in Japan. It keeps me off the streets, Kevin. Holy crap... has it been that long? I actually know more about Japan now than I did while I was living there. There is, despite the friendly manner in which I was treated, still a loneliness because unless one is Japanese or married into a Japanese family, one still realizes that they aren't Japanese. My blog is my way of maintaining a link to what was a very fun and interesting time of my life and when I began to grow up. Still working on that aspect of it, though. I appreciate you taking the time to read and to write in. Cheers!

  8. That is an interesting article. I sometimes heard that black culture is popular in Japan. I watch a documentary about a couple of people that are African-Americans said that living in Japan is really nice and peaceful however because of the pop culture in America and not many people seeing foreigners on an daily basis, some people might get the wrong idea about black culture.

    Despite that, it is really nice!!

  9. After being in Taiwan and Mainland China for most of the past 27 years, can attest that somehow along I developed a strong preference for the smooth skinned, firm, intelligent Asian female. Not knocking any other races and have found great sex with white and black girls too, but there is something about the WM - AF relationship - perhaps it because one feels that they desire this relationship as much as we do....

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  11. why you don't use google adsense for your blog?

    1. Simple... I don't do this to make money. I do this for fun.

  12. Fucking Hell!! I found just the exact opposite, I'm a 6'0 white guy tall with blue eyes and a musician, people who said i'm handsome not that believe it. versed in my culture and subjects. I speak some Japanese, but all in all I'd say i'm pretty outgoing but collected. Anyway, the reason I mentioned all this info because I went through hoops just to get one a couple damn dates. I stayed there for 3 months to see the country while learning about the culture. I'm also a flirt but more direct with women, which apparently also seems to work for other guys. Anyway, in that time i met countless, broken Line contacts, a few dates and slept with only two chicks. I talked to teams of girls who caught my eye here and there. Bookstores cafes etc, Now I went about my day but if happen to see a women, i wasn't shy to approach or sit near her. So I flirted, made my intentions clear and even with drunk chicks in both Osaka and Tokyo, Fukuoka, Kyoto, Kobe, hardly anything, met up with PUAs who weren't very succesful either. Only about two! the rest were goodlooking guys getting shot down left and right. Bizzare. Anyway, im not a PUA I just tried it out, but in general, meeting them both in Japan or Hawaii. I had lousy luck. I did however meet a long term girlfriend in Japan with whom I spent 2 1/2 years together, We were faithful faithful and loved each other.
    Overall my experience has been that they are some of most tricky women to meet, many use you for money, or English skills some are just cunning they sense you find them attractive lead you on then walk away giggling most shy away from dating foreigners etc. So either A I might be hideous or B my macking skills are so below subaverage, that the word Hello is an insult or C some guys just have an X factor.
    Feel free to add your opinon

    1. I usually don't allow swearing here, but I'm making an exception for your comment because it was honest and interesting. Part of the thing with Japanese women right now, is that they really aren't looking for sex anymore. Sure... most will, but it's not like how things were when I was in Japan. It's like each generation flips on the previous one.
      The long-term girlfriend is what they want from you... long-term boyfriend until it's time for them to get married... and then again... it might be that their parents have a huge influence (IE no gaijin) or they don't.
      I can't find correlations between small-town or big-city women and their attitudes towards dating/sex... except that the Japanese media is in agreement that fewer people want to have sex, let alone get married, let along have more than one kid... than what was going on back in the early 1990s when I was there.
      I don't know what to say, Frustrated Guy... except that sometimes stuff happens because you haven't met the right person.
      I did have women lining up to go out with me. No idea why. It didn't happen before in Toronto, and it didn't much happen after I left Japan—though I did have more confidence, and was able to project that through better.
      You aren't a PUA... I had to think for a second about what you meant. Neat. But... frustrated or not, you do appear to have confidence. Don't lose that. Women, regardless of origin, can smell a lack of confidence a mile away.
      Part 1

    2. Part 2
      Yeah... there are plenty of young women who want to use you to buy them stuff, or others to take them out to dinner, and others they will actually go on a date with, others they will sleep with, and the one guy they will marry to get their parents' off their back.
      So... D. You aren't meeting the right women.
      I don't know how old you are... but the 20-something women are looking for fun... not necessarily sex. They look at the way their parents acted when they were 20 and are doing the opposite...
      Since Japan has got to the point where fewer people are getting married, you will have better luck with 30s+... those at the fringe of the sex-filled times that Japan used to be.
      Some women will also hold your profession (Musician) against you... unless you are famous. I taught piano and clarinet and can play all brass, woodwinds and keyboards... but honestly, women didn't care about that. I was able to make them laugh. In a good way. I was the stumbling guy who didn't know much of the Japanese language, and gladly allowed them to "mother me" IE help me. Maybe they liked to feel like they were in charge. They were when it came to me having sex... permission must be given... then I'm in charge, until they are, and then I am, etc... but really... what could I give Japanese women that others couldn't. I was smart, so-so looking, was a newspaper reporter and (then) a school teacher... so those two professions were held in high regard... but rather than act smarter than everyone, I was good-nature about my ineptness. It wasn't an act. I could still ask the intelligent questions... talk about subjects I thought they would want to talk about that no Japanese guy would ask.... and I was forward in telling them things. "How come a beautiful girl like you doesn't have a boyfriend?" Honest question... but I've told them very early that I am interested in them and I think they are beautiful.
      I used to get asked all the time: Why don't you have a girlfriend? The simple answer... and one I already preached to you, was: "I just haven't found the right person yet." And smile. I don't act sad about it. Even if I am inside. That comment (and the smile) must have worked. I'd get a hand atop mine... or a smile back... and a question... what type of girl/women do you like?
      Hopefully by this time, you have determined who you are sitting with. But, my answer never wavered. I like smart women. Smile. Who thinks of themselves as dumb? Personally... I wouldn't be talking to anyone I thought was dumb. I want someone who is smarter than me or as smart as me. Perhaps by being inept in Japanese language skills - I'm doing all my talking in English, by the way - they felt they were smarter than me. They certainly were in Japanese language skills.
      I was a PUA. I played up my own strengths, and definitely my weaknesses. The Japanese want to help foreigners... and that sounds stupid... but it's part of being a good host in their country... I was helped quite often. Frustrated Guy... be less aggressive... and let them help you.
      Now... my advice may bite... I only know what I know about a situation that no longer exists for myself or for Japan... so I may just be blowing hot smoke. Good luck.

  13. I know this post is old af but I relate to this aswell. My trip to japan was very similar in the case that I was shy but the minute I got to japan I was immediately deemed attractive by the Japanese girls. My looks are somewhat similar to the way you described youself. Im above average height and im mixed Australian-Phillipino so I had an aussie built frame but dark hair and light browm skin too. I was constantly complimented at how cool and differnt I was compared to other Forigners let alone Japanese males

    1. I know, eh - weird. I guess we were considered "exotic"