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Monday, January 5, 2015

How To Be A Pro Girlfriend

My friend Michael over at Stone Bridge Press - the publishers who have a keen focus on book related to Japan and Asia (Check'em out HERE) - recently sent me a challenge... to provide my take on a phenomenon that is supposedly spreading across Japan.

I'll leave you to decide just what is being spread, but the topic focuses on Japanese women known as the 'pro girlfriend'.

While I did have one of those back in Toronto - a woman who was a professional high-class escort -a German woman who liked to call me her little Shotzi (sp?), which means 'pet', I was indeed a kept man - which isn't all that bad considering she liked to spend money on me.

Since I assume she wasn't keeping me around for any huge reason, I believe it was because I was a normal guy who could make her laugh. I looked okay, too, as I had also begun to work out while back in Toronto and added about 30 centimeters (12 inches) to my chest while reducing my waist to effectively give myself a nice triangle upper body. Oh! And the hair! Half-way down my back falling from straight, to waves to ringlets at the base. Man, I miss that.

Anyhow, in the case of the Japanese pro girlfriend or puro garufriendo, these chickies are NOT hookers, escorts or ladies of the evening. No.. they are instead women who date or marry men who are professional entertainers or professional athletes... the key being that the women aren't involved in either.

At first glance, having been one of them myself, I say 'big whoop'. What's the problem, or what's the big fricking deal?

Okay, while I was picked up at a bar by my Teutonic babe who could turn every guy's eye at any event we went to, the Japanese pro girlfriends tend to actually stalk these guys in an effort to land one.

Again... what's the big deal?

The Beatles used to have women chase them all the time... I think they called them Apple Tarts (Apple Studios)... and may even have written the song Savory Truffle about them - but I could be wrong.

Hockey players call them "Puck Bunnies" in polite terms, but I'm sure you can come up with something else that rhymes with 'puck'.

Football has 'cleat chasers'. Baseball has 'diamond doll groupie', but other terms include 'slump buster', 'road beef', 'jersey chaser',  '5 Star Chicks' and of course 'cleat diggers'. 

I've never used one of those terms before, and aside from the Beatles and the hockey terms, I had to look the others up. And that's just sports. There are always folks who chase after musicians in a band, or actors as well.    

In Japan - apparently the media is ONLY just starting to catch on... I mean... this is 2015... surely people have heard of Wilt 'The Stilt' Chamberlain who claimed to have slept with over 10,000 women because... well... I'm sure he was the big man on and off the basketball court.

So whither Japan and the 'pro girlfriend'? Who cares...

Still... Japan Today and original source Japan's Excite News decided to offer up advice on how Japanese women seeking to embark upon a life of whoring themselves out (as a guy, I can honestly say it was fun to be a whore) to Japanese actors and athletes and musicians.

I will say that the advice offered up is pretty vague:  

1. Bump into them where they eat, drink and play
Find a place where famous people like to go for drinks, and become friends with the manager or bartender. That way, when you stop by to see your pals, there’s also the possibility of a chance encounter with a single actor or pop star.
Of course, famous people tend to have expensive tastes, and you might not have the funds to bankroll becoming a regular at a watering hole frequented by A-listers. Not a problem, says romance-themed Internet portal Hitomebore, since you can instead just get a job working in a bar or restaurant with a star-studded clientele. A-ha!

Are you effing kidding me? D'uh. Find out where your prey hangs out and then trap him. Wow. I never would have thought of that.   

2. Meet them through your work connections
While being a waitress is undeniably tough work, it’s at least a profession with a comparatively low barrier to entry. That’s something you can’t say about the jobs Tokyo Dokujo Style mentions in its advice.
If you’re a reporter or newscaster, the single women’s lifestyle site says, or employed by a professional sports team or athletic equipment maker, you’ll have chances for face-to-face meetings with pro athletes. Once you’ve met, your relationship can develop in a similar manner to the thousands of people who find their spouses through their work.
There’s a bit of a catch here, though. Becoming a newscaster is no mean feat. The imbalance between the many people who’d like the job versus the few positions actually available is comparable to the level of competition to become a professional actor or athlete. Landing a job with a sports team or athletic equipment company is a less daunting task, but we’re guessing you have to rise pretty high up the corporate ladder before they’re sending you out to talk with the on-field talent.
And should you manage to reach to a position where you’re regularly rubbing muscular shoulders with athletes (or well-moisturized elbows with actors and vocalists), odds are you got there by being intelligent, dedicated, and good with people, all of which mean you’ve probably developed a wide network of acquaintances and potential mates, with the large chance that one of them, while not famous, is a better match for you.

Okay... so now you have to be a reasonably successful person yourself in order to meet them at or via your work. So far this is sounding a lot like regular dating or stalking. The advice is sound, but it's so obvious that if you have to learn how to do this HERE, you aren't smart enough to have such a job.  

3. Start on the ground floor, and work your way up
Finally, we come to the tactic laid out by women’s Internet portal Venus Tap, which is to start off as a fan, and get your crush to notice you through your admiration of how he plies his craft. Just sending fan letters isn’t enough, since popular entertainers and athletes get so many yours are likely to be buried under a pile of ones from other admirers and may not even open them themselves. It’s important to send your correspondence express, as not only will it arrive before those of your rivals, having “express mail” stamped across the envelope is sure to tell the object of your affection that you care more about him than those other girls who can’t be bothered to splurge on the postage surcharge.
Venus Tap also offers pointers for when you’re waiting for an actor to leave the venue where he’s just performed. Instead of just screaming, “Oh my God! It’s really him,” try to engage him in a conversation, taking extra care to choose words that will leave a lasting impression. Afterwards, make sure to dash off another fan letter mentioning your chat, and send it ASAP (and express, remember).

The key point of fan is the work 'fanatic'... which is what this point suggests. I'm just completely agog at the whole meaninglessness of this 'helpful' article.

The article goes on to suggest that for most people the 'fan' method is probably the best, but doesn't mention that's because it thinks people who make this their goal are pretty much losers.

Obviously I have no problems with a regular person dating a 'famous' or 'superstar' one. I was picked up in a bar by an excessive beauty. I did frequent strip clubs and did ask out a number of exotic dancers (they true key is to always look at their eyes... they notice this and it confuses them... it's a compliment, really... and it always separates you from the other ogling, drooling guy). I used to give them by business card and suggest  - no pressure - that should they ever want to go out, give me a call. Most will simply take your business card and never look at it again - even when they know you are a writer - but one out of 10... stuff happens, and you get a phone call for a date.

I would suggest that for women stalking the man of their dreams, it can be a bit easier than for a man stalking a woman... men are dogs, and if they can get a piece on the side, they will. Making the man believe you are worth dating again and again... that can be trickier. Women with male 'stalkers'... women are smarter than men and more than likely have their guard up.

There is also the issue for both sexes that the object of their affection has a posse... or body guards, as is more and more common - to protect the individual from unwanted attention.

I would suggest for the Japanese woman who wants to be a pro girlfriend that dress for suck-cess is also important. I told you... guys are dogs. Looking gorgeous is one thing. Looking gorgeous in an outfit that is revealing is at least a better chance at being noticed.

Being intelligent might also help... but I wonder. Obviously not all sports, movie or musicians are super geniuses - but they can be. Most, probably aren't. I said most. I know you can't stereotype people and professions. But, for many in those three visible professions, the art has been their focus long before they graduated from school... with school not necessarily being something they concentrated on as much as say... baseball.

Proof? Have you ever listened to pro athletes speak? Most (again, I said most) can not speak the language properly. Over at the Wayne Gretzky restaurant in Toronto, I walked in a few days after the place opened 20 years ago. A nice place. There were many sports-related paraphernalia there, including a signed set of Michael Jordon Nike basketball shoes.

While I no longer recall the EXACT quote, I was 'impressed' (sarcasm) with Michael Jordon's grammatical error on his note and signature to Wayne, offering up a congratulations "on you're" new restaurant. On "You Are" restaurant? How about "Your"? Michael, like 95% of all professional basketball players in the US went to university, so he should have some semblance of English grammar.

And, should you believe that to be a common mistake, I will say that it is... but that doesn't mean it is an acceptable mistake.

So... perhaps the Japanese pro girlfriend needs to know her target. Smart, but not too smart.

Me? I only ever dated women who were as smart or smarter than I. Naive is fine, stupid is not.

Right there I question the whole 'smartness' of any pro girlfriend who targets a person based solely on their financial means ($$$ or ¥¥¥)... and this is coming from me... but it sounds kind of 'sleazy'.

I am sure many a woman has met a pro athlete, musician and entertainer without having to whore themselves or stalk them as the advice contained here seems to suggest... 

Japanese pro girlfriend... why bother? Do you need the money and fame that badly? And surely the object of you affection knows that and will create a per-nuptual agreement to ensure it doesn't remain that way should the relationship fail.

I'm just sad that the media has had to create a term (pro girlfriend) at all.

Andrew Joseph


  1. Next time, try "smarter than I". "Smarter than me" is Michael Jordan speak.

    1. Ha! Well said! Thank you for the simple error on my part.