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Saturday, March 7, 2015

NTT Cooks Again With Detonation Velocity Dumplings

It's safe to say that, that in my line of non-work (this blog), everybody needs a Vince, Matthew, Alice and a Julien, four people who take the time from time-to-time to annoy the hell out of me with their friendship.

Annoy isn't the right word, but I can't think of anything else at this moment, so I'll just have to let it stand for now.

The latest, from Julien is yet another NTT Docomo ad apparently selling wireless LTE (long-term evolution) high-speed networking capabilities.

Just by its various nature, all one could do is just have talking heads yak about how fast things are - and whoop! there it is, but whatever…

When informed by Moe that he can now flash fry a water buffalo in 40 seconds, Homer Simpson properly responds: 

"Forty seconds? But I want it now." 
A perfect example by just how jaded some people have become about modern convenience.Yeah, I recalled that quote from Season 7 of The Simpson's because it's so damn real.

So… rather than bore us all with useless data that only the geeky, the pimply and nerdy truly understand, NTT Docomo has once again decided to blow us away with yet another completely outrageous cooking demonstration featuring double-barreled pneumatic (air) cannon.

Back on December 2, I wrote bout its attempts to fry shrimp and sell telecommunications (HERE)
but this time, they are selling telecommunications by cooking a gyoza dumpling in less than three-seconds.

The ad follows the same formula as the previous commercial, parodying a typical Japanese cooking show - at least I think it's a parody. I've watched a lot of schlocky Japanese cooking shows... although, for pure schlock and kick-your teeth in hot-stuff sexiness, nothing beats my favorite American show, Bitchin' Kitchen. She can cook for me any bada-foosh day. I don't know what that means, but aooooga!

Nadia also knows how to cook better than you.
In the commercial, some sort of Japanese rocket scientist (slash) chef (slash) evil scientist has concocted a way to cook a Chinese dumpling in three seconds or less, by using the air cannon to mix the main ingredients together, fly out of the gun and through a mixture of salt, pepper in mid-air before flying into a doughy wrap, which then flies through a long (it's all relative) flame that cooks it all eventually landing as a smoking fastball inside a baseball catcher's mitt... steam rising from the dumpling.

While the entire concept is great, for me, the best part of the commercial is actually seeing the shocked reaction of the female host… looking at her male cooking show compatriots wondering just how the hell they aren't freaked out by the high speed at which their food was cooked.

We're men, sweetheart. That's why. Men are one short stumble removed from being a wolf. You call us dogs for a reason, right?

Okay... I think I also like the fact that the commercial utilizes some Chinese popular song as the background music rather than Japanese  - it's a Chinese dumpling, yo! 

Anyhow… enjoy the video! Here's how to get your Chinese dumpling cooked at a speed even Homer Simpson could respect… a gyoza wrapped in d'oh.

Andrew Joseph

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