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Saturday, October 3, 2015

Japanese Women Want To Cry With You

Just to prove how far behind female empowerment is in Japan to the rest of the so-called First-World countries, allow me to present the following to you:

When you are feeling like you need a good cry at the office, if you call the Ikemeso Danshi service, they will send over a nice-looking young Japanese man (an ikemen - which is pronounced like it is 'icky') to come over and wipe away all those tears with a clean handkerchief as you cry on his boyband shoulders.

Now… obviously you don't have to arrange it so that he shows up at the woman's workplace—showing weakness in front of the rest of the uni-mind is not considered good mojo… so hopefully when the ikemen is called, he'll come over to your apartment, and the two of you can sit around and watch stupid chick flicks, cry a bit together—yes, together—and just get a whole romantic vibe going.

There's no sex involved.

There's hand-holding, nose-wiping, tear-making and gathering… maybe he'll join you in a glass of wine—but don't expect him to whip 'it' out like a regular boyfriend would.

No… the ikemen knows that when you, the weak female is sad, the last thing you need is carnality.

I obviously don't believe women are weak, but I do believe there are weak woman as well as men, who feel that crying resolves all stress—and perhaps it does…

As well, I don't think that there is anything wrong with the OCCASIONAL cry - regardless of you being male of female… but I don't believe it should be your go-to stress relief.

Crying or yelling is a way of releasing pent up emotions… it's much better than bottling it up inside until you explode and take a shotgun to work or school and start executing innocent people.

Me? I do terrible things to my cat with a fork. I'm kidding. I actually write to relieve stress. This blog, in fact, amongst others… and occasionally comic books. I also write for a living, and while one would assume I would be stress-free all the time, when one gets paid to do something, there is always more stress than if it was something you would gladly do for free. Like this blog, again for example.

I am an emotional person, by the way. I wear my emotions on my sleeve… if you were to ask me how I am, odds are very good I'll tell you so much you'll come back with that bullcrap statement: "Too much information."

I'm of the opinion that if you don't want to know something about me, don't waste my time asking such a personal question as 'how are you?'

I know… most people take that 'how are you?' statement so lightly, that it has lost most of its meaning in today's society.

A poor example is two individuals walking past one another… one will spout: "how's it going?" and the other will reply "good, and you?"

… and then they continue to walk past - no real reply expected, and none wanted.

It's cool, though… at least they had their head up and were ready to acknowledge others. They also perform the upward head flick, and the downward nod as a means of acknowledgment.

Of course in Japan, it's the bow.

Look… I understand that we all need a shoulder to cry on, both literally and figuratively - but in the case of the hired crier, wouldn't it better if you vented to a friend? That's what I do in these blogs, in case you weren't aware. Little hidden messages screaming for help… I'm only sort of kidding. I vent, and then I move on and solve my own problems. But that's me.

So… you are a Japanese woman and need some tender-loving relief… something you won't get from a guy (though we aren't all a$$HOLES)… so you make the call for an ikemen.

Terai Hiroki (surname first) is the founder of 'tear-seeking' for stress relief… and believe it or not, it is quite the profitable business!

The company name of Ikemeso Danshi… it's short for "Ikemen de mesomeso naku dansei", which translates to English as "good-looking men who cry."

Well… I guess if you could get a good-looking guy rather than a boyfriend…
Okay... if she's like the typical Japanese woman and around 5'-2", what is he? 5'-6" or -7"?
So what does an ikemen do for you specifically?

There's this "move" that Japanese men do, that is apparently a seductive move… and the Japanese women go gaga over it.

The move is called kabe-don (very much different from udon or unagi-don - that's wheat flour noodles and eel on rice, respectively... or given the penis-like connotations all around, maybe they are all similar)… and it involves the ikemen or regular guy romantically placing his hand on the wall behind you, slightly leaning forward.

While this is an effective way of trapping the woman, because the need for romance is welcomed, she will not shy away… allowing the ikemen (or boyfriend) to also gently touch your cheek.

I think we all know how powerful the touch of one's hand on the check can be when done romantically…. and I'm not talking about the back of one's hand - unless both parties are into that sort of thing, of course.

Personally, I think naming 'the move' takes any sort of romance out of things, as it now appears as though the guy is quite literally 'making his move'. Blagggh.

As such, I have no idea how any woman seeing that occur from a guy they have hired to come over could not help but laugh at the absurdity of the situation…

For women interested in these comfort men (yes, I used that term), prices start at ¥7,900 (US $65.90). The Japanese numbering is interesting only because it's a bit of Japanese play-on-words.

The word 'naku', which means to 'cry', can be written as na-ku, with is a slangy way of saying the number 79.

Just because, the Ikemeso Danshi offer a smattering of boy toys for your sob story:

Comments can be found below...

There is a dentist... a 'bad boy'... a brainy-intellectual guy...

Okay... let's assume the 'bad boy' is the guy in the lower middle... and maybe we could assume that the guy in the upper middle is the 'rocker'... and the dentist is obviously holding a toothbrush (don't believe him when he asks you to swallow anything—a real dentist wants you to spit it out)... the intelligent man is in the upper right—hey, I'm going by western stereotypes here....

That leaves the two guys on the left. Okay... I'm going to go with gay guy on the top, and androgynous he/she on the bottom.

Okay, maybe the guy on the bottom is the moody romantic.

I still got nothing for the guy on the top left. He looks surprised, at any rate... like why did you pick me?

By the way... just because you are smart, it doesn't mean you have to have your hair parted as improperly as the guy on the upper right has.

By the way... WTF???!!! A dentist?

Do Japanese women fantasize about a man placing metal instruments in their mouth who then chastise you for not flossing more? I suppose if they had their junk resting on your arm as they got a better look into your mouth... but isn't that why you guys (women) go to a hair salon?!

I knew this one place called Ego, where the hairstylists were all the types of good-looking guys one could find in a boyband... except all these guys were straight... and it was a very popular place with the young straight women.

I went there because I was friends with the guys, but every so often my hairdresser would have to apologize for his junk waving in my face, saying it was 'old habits' for his female clientele.

But a dentist? Seriously... why not a doctor? Or a lawyer. One would assume that you would get the same level of disinterest from any one of those professions.

As for the whole female empowerment thing... yes, the women are doing the hiring... but to be comforted by a prettyboy? Gloria Steinem is rolling her eyes.

Kanpai, baby… you know I'm crying on the inside just for you,
Andrew Joseph
PS: This story was sent my way by either Vince or Alice — I'm sorry. I'm unsure which one of you two it was.
In its original form, it was found at

1 comment:

  1. Pretty sure I had *nothing* to do with sending you this one - LOL!
    - A