Search This Blog & Get A Rife

Saturday, November 14, 2015

A Question of Beauty And The Japanese Male

We can blame my friend Julien for this, but I am ably appearing as his accomplice.

Julien, being a heterosexual dude, has no real interest in Japan, except that he's a supporter of me and my endeavors mostly because of those Polaroid photos I own that I keep threatening to release.


Who the hell has Polaroids? Oh wait: HERE

Anyhow, after watching umpteen video after umpteen video and having been lead down the proverbial rabbit hole on YouTube, he has come to the startling conclusion that Japanese women are far more attractive than Japanese men.

Again, Julien is heterosexual, and as such can we really trust his opinion on the relative hotness of men versus women?


He and I are pretty confident in what we like and dislike, but we are fair in our judgements. Neither of us is afraid to say that "that guy" is good-looking and have it reflect on our manliness.

On the contrary, I feel that an inability to comment like that speaks volumes about their own security and masculinity. You don't have to want to sleep with a guy to opine that he is good-looking.

Hell, women have the confidence to cheerfully (secretly detest) note that a certain woman is beautiful (wish she would get run over by an ugly truck). 

Okay, brief aside into human nature is over.

Being a people person, I don't judge a person by their looks, because who the hell am I to judge? I have opinions, but opinions aren't necessarily truths or lies.

Keep all that mind.

Although I only spent some three years in Japan, it took non-visitor Julien mere weeks to conclude from some video evidence on that Inter-weeb thingy, that, relatively speaking (come on, Joseph - spit it out!), that… that… Japanese men on the whole seem to be a lot less attractive than their female counterparts.

We're just talking facially—not body types, or dental work, boob enhancements, of fashion sense. Just faces.

Hmmm… he made me think.

While there are pretty and ugly people in every culture and are labeled as such for different reasons even within their own society, the Japanese men are not en masse as handsome as the Japanese women are pretty.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 

But yeah… I think the men are really bringing down the overall hotness-quotient of the Japanese people.

It's impossible to quantify, of course, because it depends on the number of people one comes across… and unless one comes across every single Japanese person, and has a quantifiable means of measuring hotness, it all becomes rather arbitrary.

Still, it was because of this lack of hotness in the Japanese male, that foreign men make out like bandits when they go to Japan.

To quote: …"like stealing candy from an ugly Japanese baby."

Julien cited a whole mess of YOUTUBE videos showing either Japanese comedians, or terabi tarento (television talent - katakana English) hosts… and yeah, these guys were not handsome representations of Japan. They were funny and obnoxiously funny, but they weren't pretty, nor did they look that way.

Puffy, red faces, floppy, messy hair… out of shape… even sort of violent… maybe it clouds judgement.

I argued with Julien that his criticism was perhaps unfairly harsh, but then I realized that the funnier Japanese guys are all relatively ugly.

Not being superbly handsome myself (I'm not Japanese funny), I get by in the looks department—but at least I am excessively smart and humble (I don't even know the meaning of the word 'humble')—I am aware that humor is used by individuals as a defense mechanism.

So… ugly Japanese men get into show business because they are funny, and are funny because they are ugly. Sort of.

Again… I was just talking facially.

Subconsciously, there must be some animal instinct that kicks in when we look at a person and judge them for beauty… the shape of the face, the width of the eyes, the length, width or lift of the nose (I once had a woman complain that I had a big nose, I shot back that she had an uplifted snout like a pig. There was no sex after that. Ever. All I ever saw after that was her snout. My nose is large, but it isn't overly large for my face - basically, it's proportional) (proportional-like?).

Holy crap… if we talk teeth, back in the 1980s very few men or women of Japan would be considered handsome or pretty.

My Noboko and Junko certainly were, with a perfect set of choppers on each of those two JILFS… good teeth, too.

But certainly a lack of proper chemicals in the water supply in Japan has led to, in the past, some unfortunate smiles. You could see the most gorgeous woman ever in Tokyo, and even without opening her mouth, there'd be a fang protruding up from her lower jaw, out past her lips—all White Fang-like.

No one is saying teeth have to be perfectly straight or flat, but one's canine's should not be toothier than a real canine's fangs.

Still… we were talking facial characteristics, and when in Japan, looking at the faces of the students I taught, I don't think it was imagination that there were a finite number of faces on the Japanese people—specifically the boys.

To me it comes down to more inbreeding… I'm not talking about brothers bouncing sisters, but rather that the lack of introductory genetic material in Japan has been creating a more homogeneous look.

And it doesn't seem to be working for the men.

Anyhow… is it possible that Japanese women, when presented with the option, choose to mate with foreign men as some sort of chemical need to add new genetic material to the system? 

So… why are foreign men—who might not even be able to get a date in their own country—suddenly hot stuff in Japan to Japanese women?

Is it because the Japanese men are melding into some sort of homogenized amorphous male? Is it because they are 'anomalistically' attractive to the female?

Could Japanese women require new genetic material to better evolve the human race?

Or is it because Japanese men appear to be more chauvinistic than their international counterparts… so Japanese women easily fall for a gaijin/foreigner who is easily ably to treat her better than a Japanese man can?

Or do Japanese women simply want gaijin men because they too are attracted by something new and different?

Andrew Joseph


  1. Wow, considering how utterly beautiful Japanese guys can be - and I am certainly not alone in thinking like this - I would say this article is utter hogwash. Their pop culture produce a continous stream of super hot boys with extraordinary faces. It's the Japanese girls that all just look the same to me and I think their round, pudgy faces are nothing to write home about. At most they can be cute, I guess. True beauty comes in the male form; young Japanese guys can be like exquisite lotus pedals, lovely and delicate. I adore them!

    1. it was a hogwash article. I'm sorry i even wrote it.

  2. Saman - you haven't been to Japan, have you? Come on! Japanese women max "cute"? Well - it is for sure in the eyes of the beholder - so there is no use to discuss ne. But I haven't heard this kind of verdict yet...