Search This Blog & Get A Rife

Wednesday, January 13, 2016


Look… I'm all for a guy sleeping with a woman he just met, and vice versa (and guy to guy and woman to woman, too). It would be hypocritical of me to say otherwise.

However… just make sure you can handle an STDs (sexually-transmitted diseases) that may come with the transaction.

Me? I got lucky... in more ways than one.

I think my luck with women in Japan began to change after a photo surfaced of a pair of condoms I had.

One was a Japanese-sized condom, the other the standard western-size. I blew them both up like a balloon and had someone else tie them up for me. I'm not very good (read 'hopeless') at tying up balloons. Strangely enough, I was quite adept at tying up my later-girlfriend Junko after she taught me how.

Anyhow, back in the days when you had to take your film in to have your camera shots developed, the two girls at the local superstore, Iseya, saw me coming, called over some of their fellow female clerks from other departments and stood there giggling as I arrived to a sea of pretty 20-something Japanese women clad in identical store garb.

The custom in Japan is for the clerk to open up your packet of photographs and pull one of the images out for the customer to confirm it is his or hers.

The photo bowed and smiled at me, and rather than have to paw through the plethora of photograph packets, already had mine in hand. With deft fingers, one of the women rifled through my photos and pulled out the condom photos and held it up for me to confirm or deny.

It was even funnier when one asked in slow English: "Yours?"

And when I answered in the affirmative with a "Hai", they all covered their mouths with their hand as they tittered loudly.
A comparison between Western (left) and Japanese (right) condoms. I did my best to assure that the balloon widths were similar... but obviously there's a difference in the tip and head. By the way... never let a velour jacket get wet.
The Japanese are serious people? Nawwwwww.

After that, I received visits from the two main photography department clerks and even evening visits from the others standing there.

It was indeed a wonderful rife.

It's 2016… and, I had until very recently thought that my luck in picking up Japanese women had something to do with me becoming more comfortable with the Japanese language, but truthfully, I think it was the fact that the women were more brazen in their attempts to see some of those larger western condoms in action… to see if the myth were true, if you will.

Since I couldn't get western-sized condoms in Japan (I suppose you could purchase them over at a US military PX, but none conveniently close enough for my shopping pleasure), my mom would send me boxes of the stuff whenever I would request them.

My father would have done it too, but I trusted my mother to do it sooner… luckily I was always smart enough make my request in advance of the last rubber being used. 

Anyhow… I always used a condom with my 'girl friends', but with my girlfriends, after a while there was trust and condom-free, though I must admit that the thought of that always scared the crap out of me and made the situation last longer. Frightfully good, in other words.

While pregnancy could have occurred (must… pull… out) at least there wasn't any chance of an STD. It's that first part where I admit I got lucky.

Somewhere realizing just now that no one ever asked me for a spare condom,
Andrew Joseph
PS: I would imagine that the usage of condoms was/is quite personal, with friends rarely ever asking each other for a spare. I always assume that if I am using one condom, chances are pretty good I'm going to need at least two.
PPS: I was going to write about another topic (see tomorrow), and felt it needed a bit of a preamble… and then this story popped up. I realize I haven't really written about myself in Japan months - seeing as how I finally completed the serialization of my three year diary in a scant five-plus years.
As I write about other topics, I am reminded that there are so many stories left untold… stories that I originally felt were mundane, but could add a bit of color to a news story or other blog feature.
Just because I spent a day of my diary writing about my women problems doesn't mean that's all that happened during the day. There's at least one hour of the day when I am sure I concentrated on something other than women. Maybe.
So… there'll be more adventures of Andrew in Japan for those who care. For the rest of you… sorry. :)


  1. So a shibari post is in the offing? Not that I know what that is of course.

    1. Ha. It may be a difficult topic to write about... oh, if only the How To Survive Women blog was still running.
      Still... we'll see.