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Sunday, May 29, 2016

Hello Kitty Ain’t No Pussycat

You could have knocked me over with a leaf.

According to my friend Barb, Hello Kitty is not a cat, and is instead referred to by brand owner Sanrio, as a cartoon character.

Uh yeah… I taught I taw a puddy tat…

(says Sylvester J. Pussycat)

But no… Hello Kitty, whose real name is Kitty White (I knew that), is apparently a little girl.

Fug me running. A little girl? A girl cat… an anthropomorphic girl cat. That’s what they say when an animal takes on human features or characteristics… such as Donald Duck… my personal hero because he doesn’t wear pants… typical sailor look in Japan, by the way.

Sanrio also says that Hello Kitty is a friend. D’uh. Although she never writes back, despite all of my attempts to initiate a conversation. Yeah, yeah… she has no mouth… but that’s why i sent e-mails…

So… she’s not a cat… which is why she is never shown on all fours… because I’, sure I’ve seen a lot of white kitties on all fours… but not Kitty White, come to think of it.

Yes… she walks on two legs… sits like a two legged human, and has never thrown her neck out trying to lick her own a$$. No, seriously… you will hurt yourself if you try.

Did you know she even has a pet cat of her own called Charmmy Kitty (on the right in image at top), who is also a white kitty, but in her case, she could probably lick herself… but Sanrio probably wouldn’t like it if she did.

For the record, Kitty White (aka Hello Kitty) also has a white hamster named Sugar, who was given to her by her boyfriend, Dear Daniel… aka Daniel Starr.

Now… if you were to Google Dear Daniel, you might see at the top of the heap a website from, which says that Daniel is also a girl.

He’s not. The website purports to present “50% real news”… okay… so fair warning. It almost got me, but fortunately, I like confirmation from multiple sources - especially if I am going to present them to you, dear Daniel, er, reader.

So… Kitty White is not a cat… she’s a girl.

Sanrio missed the point.

Hello Kitty is NOT a girl… she is a cat-person (not a cat person), who looks like a cat, but behaves like a human being.

The fact that she has a pet cat herself is not proof of her humanness, but rather of her humanity.

I am a HUUUUUUUGE Donald Duck universe fan. Huuuge! I just bought some Uncle Scrooge (Donald’s uncle) books via E-bay… which will give me close to 2,000 duck-related comics.
Ta-freakin' da!
Anyhow… I can recall Donald (and his nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie) shuddering while in an old temple, spying a row of stuffed ducks… now those ducks looked just like a real duck… size and everything, including the low-squatting stature.
The boy's prefer their turkey store bought.
I can also recall on multiple occasions the boys (ducks) eating a Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner that was a turkey… including one great story involving a dressed bird cooked on the nose cone of a 1950s jet fighter.

They are ducks… even have the last name of “Duck”, but are merely anthropomorphic representations of ducks, with their all too human antics, adventures and parenting. For example, Donald’s sister Dumbella (initially, but later just Ella) is the mother of nephews Huey, Dewey and Louie… so where the heck is she? Why is Donald looking after the boys? He just is… in an all too human way… doing the best he can with limited resources and an explosive temper.
Friends of Donald Duck are confused with his apparel.
Anyhow… while there are the odd references in the comic books where the Ducks refer to themselves as human, as opposed to the waterfowl… the point is… oh crap… I think I just made Sanrio’s point.

The point is… is that despite looking like a duck or a cat… they are indeed human.

Okay, Sanrio… ya got me.

I was all set to prove you wrong, and I accidentally proved myself wrong and you, correct.

Ya just can’t win against a big corporation.   

So yeah… Hello Kitty… is a female girl.
And... gijinka is a Japanese word for anthropomorphism... 

She’s a Scorpio, in case you care, just like me.  

Andrew Joseph

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