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Sunday, April 16, 2017

Happy Godzilla Easter

I don’t know the proper way of saying Happy Easter, but a toy Godzilla doll dressed up in an Easter bunny costume seems about as an appropriate manner as any, I suppose.

Easter is when Christians are supposed to celebrate the crucifixion and resurrection of their main dude, Jesus of Bethlehem.

Back in ye olde days, most cultures didn’t utilize surnames, instead it was just the first name and some quantifier.

Here’s a typical conversation someone may have had with Jesus, seeking one of the 12 Apostles… a dirty dozen of Jews and their fledgling Christian sect circa 32AD.

I’m looking for James…”
“Which one? We have James son of Zebedee and James son of Alphaeus.”
“The Jewish one.”
“Hmm… you’re gonna have to narrow it down a bit more.”
“Never mind… how about Simon? Can I meet Simon?”
“Which one? We have Simon, whom HE named Peter and Simon the Cananean.”
“Uh… the one who was called a Zealot?”
“Ahh, you mean Simon the Cananean! He’s out.”
“Oh… how about Judas, he might be able to help.”
“Which one? We have Judas Iscariot, but then there’s the son of James—one of our Apostles—he has a son named Judas.”
“Why do we only have about 10 different names in the entire Jewish Middle East?”

I’m no expert, but while we Christians should acknowledge the crucifixion, I don’t think it should be celebrated… Jesus did have his moment of doubt and pain when he called out to his father - Jehovah - God - asking why he had been forsaken… then there was the torture, vinegar… stabbing with the so-called Spear of Destiny (Hitler wanted this) by a Roman guard.

I mean the resurrection is cooler…

“Hey! Isn’t that Jesus?”
“Which one?”
“The one who died a few days ago.”
“Hunh. I think so.”
“Hi Jesus! What’s new?”
“Nothin’. What up James. What up other James. ”

Ah, for crissakes, Christians use the crucifixion cross as one of their main religious holy symbols.

That’s just bizarre to me. Isn’t there something less horrifying than having to walk around with beads around one’s neck featuring a guy incorrectly nailed to a cross?

You know that, as depicted, the less-white-looking Middle Eastern Jewish Jesus-fella, the weight of his body would have pulled his hands down through the nails, essentially ripping him from the cross, right?

People were also, more commonly, crucified upside down.

Oh well… Godzilla in a bunny suit. It might as well represent Easter as well… he keeps coming back.

In the photo I found HERE, The Easter Godzilla can be seen dropping off eggs for the citizenry of Tokyo… eggs that will hatch his offspring, where together they shall cause rapture amid a sea of fire and damnation.

Or it’s a cute photo of a toy and some chocolate eggs.

You know someone had to effin’ sew that Easter costume specifically for The Easter Godzilla photo opportunity. Now that’s messed up.

Funny, though…However, even as I type this, I still find a lot of admiration for someone to have gone to all that trouble.

Somewhere in a diabetic coma - why, Jesus, why did you make me eat those chocolates?

Hunh? Oh yeah...

Somewhere going to confession,
Andrew Joseph