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Saturday, July 29, 2017

One Japanese Practice Cuts Me Up

There are a lot of really stupid so-called enforceable ”laws” and “rules” in Japan. ‘’

This is one of my favorites.

Did you know that if you are involved in a duel, national insurance companies (health/life insurance, etc.) won’t pay out to your next of kin?

No sh!t, Sherlock.

The website I saw this on spelled “duel” as “dual” ensuring we could have twice as much fun.

Anyhow… what one needs to ask, is: just how much dueling is going on in Japan these days? 

I never saw any duels, but maybe that’s because they didn’t exist in the 1990s, or simply that I missed the daily notices in the Daily WhizBag shopping newsletter of Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken.

The fact that said newsletter does not exist may also explain why I never saw notifications for duels in the parking lot in front of city hall.  

Duels? Really? It’s 2017?

Do real people still have enemies? Do sane people?


So how would it work? I believe in the west, one would slap someone across the face with a glove. Then after a date and place had been agreed upon, and armed with a “second” , the standard fare of starting back to back and taking 10 paces apiece (counted off by a judge), turning quickly and firing at the other, hoping to hit them.

You could win (one gets shot, the other does not, win (one gets shot an dies, the other gets shot but does not die) , lose (get shot but don’t die), lose (get shot and die), draw (both get shot and live)… and there’s probably other scenarios I’m too weirded out to determine.

In Japan… at least the one’s I saw in those great Kurasawa Akira samurai movies, there was not set distance apart between the combatants—just enough for bot to go flying through the air at each other, slash once with a single stroke, place katana back into the holder and land… waiting for one of the combatants to slide down into the red, wet grass cut in half.

Maybe it was the camerawork, but it always seemed as though neither combatant knew who one until they turned and saw the other sliced like a pepperoni. 

I would imagine that ever since the samurai class was banned, the standard practice of dueling went out the window.

Anyhow, for fun… here’s some dueling music… no… not the classic dueling banjos, but an audio of one of my favorite Saturday Night Live skit…. one I haven’t heard since I first saw it in 1976. Marlon Brando, of course, was one of those voices I could do perfectly from the time I was 12… but am now sadly out of practice.

Andrew Joseph

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