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Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Nissan Creates Self-Parking Pillows + Slippers

In the immortal words of Norville "Shaggy" Rogers of Scooby-Doo fame - “Zoinks!”

I’ve seen some creepy things in my life - hmm… come to think of it, no, I really haven’t - well, anyway, Nissan, in an effort to show off its ProPILOT technology, has turned a normal looking Japanese hotel into a ghost palace.

Now maybe that’s me exaggerating things a billion time out of proportion, but if you were to enter a room where the furniture and slippers move itself around the floor, might you not think the place is haunted, crap your pants and try and get the fug out of the place?!

Me: “Oh, what a lovely place!”
House: “Get outttttt”
Me: "Too bad I can’t stay.”

So… fair warning… Nissan has utilized its automobile ProPILOT technology to create self-driving slippers and pillows that will store themselves when not in use.

Don't believe me? Check it out: 

I’m thinking Nissan needs to stop fugging around and get back to work on its self-driving technology.

In the past, Nissan showed us all how its technology could be used to move chairs at an office building to save customers/cleaning staff time in having to move the chairs back where they belong.

Sure, many workers are dinks and never replace chairs et al they borrowed for some boring old office meeting that could have been over in half the time if people did not keep asking questions specific to themselves rather than the group—so I suppose have chairs piloting themselves back from whence they came is great, though it still does nothing to affect the inconsiderate nature of said dinks.

Now, I have to admit that the ProPILOT technology from Nissan is pretty cool, and the way they continue to show it off—not just with ads that show its self-driving technology in automobiles—but with memorable eye-catching events that in reality aren’t that practical, but are amazing.

Despite my protestations, Nissan says that along with fugging around with ghost chairs, ghost slippers and ghost pillows, it is working on the ProPILOT technology and it will become active as automobile tech in 2020AD.

Yeah, we have see partially-autonomous cars, and self-parking technology… but fully-autonomous vehicles?

Right now we do have cars that possess: auto-parking, lane warning, intelligent cruise control, and emergency braking - two things that can save life, and one that can save an ego, and the other that allows the driver to take their foot off the gas.

Does an autonomous car imply that after I program my car to travel from my home to work, it will make that 33 kilometer trek without me having to lift a finger? Yes. I can guarantee that it will be a slower drive as I can accelerate my car faster than I’m sure the ProPILOT technology would do… but whatever… I suppose I could get more work done.

No… I don’t need it for that. I suppose I could masturbate while the car drives me to work and to home.

You know that’s what a lot of people will do to fill the free time.

Nissan says it plans to add autonomous-driving functions step-by-step, first allowing more cars to handle single-lane driving by themselves, and subsequently navigate urban roads, including intersections, by 2020AD.

In Japan, Nissan models such as the Serena minivan, the X-Trail SUV and the new Leaf electric car all have semi-autonomous features like single-lane diving and auto parking.

By March of 2018, Nissan says it begin testing of an autonomous ride-hailing service (taxi) on public roads in Yokohama, with two Leaf cars, with, if everything works out, it actually hitting the road as a legitimate service beginning sometime in the early 2020s. You can read about that in more detail HERE.

Nissan is in competition with newer companies to the automobile industry such as Google’s Waymo and Tesla Inc., as well as General Motors Co. to develop fully-autonomous driving cars—though Google and its Waymo (Way more forward Mobility) seems to be leading the pack based on cars actually being tested on the road and kilometers achieved.

Personally, I am one of those people who likes to drive my car. I don’t even mind being stuck in a traffic jam for 2+ hours as I was two weeks ago. I like being in my car. I like driving in traffic. I like driving without traffic. I like the exhilaration of being in control of a car that at any moment can lose control and be my death. I don’t think about stuff like that, but I sure do like driving my car, which is a Nissan, by the way.

I’ll tell you what I do hate, is being driven. I’m pumping the brakes when the driver isn’t. I’ll make that left turn rather than wait the 10 seconds the driver is doing. I drive even when I’m the passenger. Now… I don’t say anything, because no one likes a back-seat or shotgun driver.

But, my point is, while I can appreciate all this driverless tech… and tech that moves the car back into your lane because for whatever reason you can’t drive straight. It’s okay - especially when that tech protects you and others on and around the road.

I guess I just like the thrill of the drive. This is one of those instances where I am not looking forward to the next great wave of the future.

Andrew Joseph

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