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Friday, February 16, 2018

Weird Japanese Snack - Crunky Ball Nude

What we have here is a Japanese snack food company trying to capitalize in on the Japanese love affair with English.

No, they don't necessarily want to speak English, but they do enjoy being associated with things that sound westernized, such as the Lotte company's Crunky Ball Nude, aka Gianduja, which sounds like some sort of Spanish narcotic.

Now... Crunky Ball... I have no flippin' clue as to what that is. Ball, sure. Crunky, unh-uh. Nude? You bet your sweet bippy I know what that is... but WTF do all those words have do with a Japanese snack.

Featuring balls about the size of a standard Malteser, aka malted milk ball, they look pretty neat-o.

Apparently "crunky" is a malted crisp rice concoction, and these gianduja version of the Crunky Ball contains a hazelnut paste. So... it might actually taste sorta like a Ferraro Roche chocolate... though what the heck, just buy those.

There is no explanation as to why these things are called "Nude"... that means bereft of clothing... but since everything is covered in a chocolate and walnut paste - these ball aren't nude.

Perhaps it's just a marketing ploy to get people to purchase something that appears to be "naughty" but in reality is just stupid... but since you are here and have tasted our chocolate crunky balls, you might as well enjoy them.

Anyhow, all I can think about is the animated American comedy South Park:

And yes... I bought the CD soundtrack when it came out. I believe I loaned it to a waitress at a strip club just north of Toronto. I never got it back, but I slept with her in my car in the parking lot so... I win?

Yeah... you think dating a dancer at a strip club is tough... try a waitress at one of those joints. They see men at their worst. Me? I was normal to them... or about as close as it was going to get considering I was at one of those places... yes, I had another weird chapter of my life after I returned from Japan, lost Noboko, had my mother die... and then began working out at the gym with a ferocious lust while growing my hair nearly down to my waist. Also, my eyes glowed purple thanks to the anti-glare protection I had on them and the strip joint's black lighting.

That was me 20 to 25 years ago. Single and wild. A different me, to be sure.

Oh! The stories I could tell... I could do a blog... not just an article, but one like Rife... but sigh... no... maybe in another 10 years time.

And no... I still haven't had a Crunky. I don't even think they are still around anymore...

Always use protection,
Andrew Joseph

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