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Showing posts with label Japanese Fashion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Japanese Fashion. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

The Past And Future Of Japanese Automobiles

Okay... even I admit this is filler, because I'm short on time to write something better, but what a photo montage!

What we have here are booth babes at an automobile show showing the latest in Japanese architecture.

The Nissan pictured on the left looks like a 1960s car, while I can only assume the car on the right depicts a concept car built by a Japanese auto manufacturer showing their vision of what the car of the future might look like.

Is it me, or are the wheels on the future car looking more like a Stark prototype hover car, or are the rounded wheels merely hidden by the full skirting that the booth babe has obviously failed to mimic. Not that I'm complaining.

Back in the 1950s when Japan's automobile industry was struggling to right itself after the horrors of WWII, the average Japanese family could not afford a family car. And why would you need one, when the country was already establishing its terrific train network for commutes between cities, had excellent buses and taxis, and bicycles were readily available.

Back then, it was still possible to live and commute without having to live outside the city where one called home.

As such, the Japanese automobile industry catered its business to markets outside of Japan, such as to North America and Europe.

However, even then nothing could compete against the might of the American auto industry, with its heavy steel and chrome machines that made the Japanese economical vehicle look like cheap toys.

It was a reputation that persisted through the 1980s and 1990s in the United States. In Canada, however, it was more than willing to accept Japanese cars as not only driveable, but as luxurious and fun.

My father had a 1981 Nissan Stanza, a 1984 Toyota Camry station wagon, and a 199s Toyota Camry station wagon... the later two I inherited and drove into the ground well into the year 2000. In between, I had a 1986 Mazda 323... a car the Japanese knew as the Familia.

In North America, it was originally called a GLC, then 323, then simply the Mazda 3. Personally, I miss the Camry wagons... they were full loaded with all the bells and whistles, and could really move quickly down the still uncrowded Toronto highways.

I did purchase a 2001 Hyundai Tiburon (it's Korean, but bear with me)... and when I drove it down to Chicago, I had people come up to me and ask me just what the heck I was driving because they had never seen anything like it. My point, is that even then, foreign cars... and I mean Japanese cars, were still a bit of a rarity in the U.S.

Sure there were Audi's and BMW's and Mercedes in the U.S., all considered luxury or sporty cars, but back at the turn of the 21st century, Americans still preferred to buy American.... regardless if the Japanese cars were being built in American factories (or Canadian ones).

Obviously what really drew my attention in the above photo were the booth babes.. the Japanese models whose job it was was to pose in front of the cars, and when the male customer asked the same old joke question, "Do you come with the car?" they would cover their mouth and snicker, "Oh, you..."

I must admit that prior to my three year jaunt in Japan, I really loved the look of the classical Japanese kimono, as nothing said Japan more than that!

Since then, the sexy, short skirted Japanese model has come to be more of an eye catcher for this old bugger, who freely admits he likes the thigh high boots...  but really hates the tiny futuristic car designs.

By the way... did you notice that the future car doesn't seem to have any doors? Me either. Still, I would assume that would imply it's not a very fast car, and is loaded with a whole bunch of safety features, and may even be driverless...

Personally, the whole concept of driverless cars is a complete waste of money. Or am I the only person who still likes to drive his own car?

I don't even care if I have to sit in traffic for hours... I still enjoy being in control of a car. 

Someone bring back tail fins! And maybe a bubble top!

Look at this American concept car from the 1950s. Are you telling me you wouldn't want to drive this car that highly resembles the torpedo bras of the era? I mean it has a hood scoop and everything! Okay... I can see how parking might be a bugger, but you have to admit this car is a head turner



Banzai,
Andrew "I'm currently driving a Nissan Micra SV" Joseph

 

Friday, May 11, 2018

Fashion, After A Fashion

“What’s fabulous, what’s unfashionable and what’s cool change every year. It’s wrong that kimono don’t change even if everything else is changing,” said a Kyoto-based designer, whose work has been worn by American singer Lady Gaga. “Kimono are not something old. Wearing a kimono is the coolest and the most fun thing.”

I'm sure it is. 

But... and here's the rub, the kimono might be cool and fun, but it's not a practical fashion choice for today's Japanese woman who has a 9-5 job... or in Japan 9AM-1AM job.

As such, traditional Japanese kimono are be shunted to the back of the closet by women looking for more, dare I say it?, more westernized clothing that looks great but is clearly easier to put on and, for me once upon a time, easier to take off.

I never had to do it, but if I was dating a woman wearing a kimono, I might lose interest (among other things) by the time I unwound all of the fabric around her that a traditional kimono encompasses.

I believe tradition has its place but sometimes in a more modern and busy world, that tradition is being swept aside in favor of convenience.

I'll discuss more on what I would like to see Japanese fashion designers try and create later, below.

And then there’s this: Utah teenager Keziah Daum, 18, who wore a traditional Chinese dress to her prom was shamed on social media (Twitter) a week or so ago, as many people called her a “racist” and culturally insensitive for her choice of attire.

Holy effing crap.

Keziah Daum (right) look absolutely stunning in her dress. Her date? What date? Look at that dress!
If you are wearing clothing as a joke, then it’s culturally insensitive... though there are other ways to wear clothing that is culturally insensitive... (later).

If you are wearing clothing because you think it is beautiful, then what the fug is wrong with that?

Culturally intensive? Racist?

The racist people are the ones calling her racist. It’s just a dress. A used dress found for sale in a store in Utah.

If you don’t want people wearing traditional clothing then create rules/laws within YOUR country and enforce them.

Good luck with that, mein herr.

Culture has no borders. Despite the closed-minded thinking of some individuals. 

Oh… and make sure you don’t put them up for sale in thrift shops in places like Utah or Toronto or New York, where people who like the clothing can get their hands on it.

People… get a grip on frickin’ reality. It was/is just a dress. A pretty one, too, I might add.

As for the kimono… it is indeed a dying artform… even in Japan.

If Japan is hard-fought to continue to create kimono in the same basic styles as have appeared for hundreds of years - good luck. It will find its diminishing market diminish even farther until someone creates a Japanese Renaissance Fair and deems it perfectly acceptable to weare ye olde fashions(e).

Kimono, while extremely attractive to look at for the casual gaijin (outsider/foreigner) who does not get to experience such sights on a regular basis, are a real bugger to put on, and I’m sure (despite the lack of complaint), are restrictive in movement for the wearer.

And when do you wear it?

To be perfectly honest - you can wear it whenever you bloody well want.

I would recommend wearing it at festivals, but there’s nothing to stop one from wearing it every single day of the year… all there is are the stares of others - and fug them.

Of course… what if you are a gaijin wearing a kimono? Sure there’s stares, and even more chatter should you decide to wear it/or another every day… because others will see you as trying to become one of them (Japanese).

Nothing wrong with you wanting that, by the way. It all depends on how strong your ego is.

We are after all just talking about clothing.

Not religious clothing. Not dressing up like a policeman (that’s a big no-no, by the way). We’re just talking about clothing.

Clothing from another country. So what? There’s no laws saying ANYONE can’t wear any clothing.I think.

Yes… there’s common sense and respect for an institution…. so you don’t wear a baseball uniform to church, or a bikini to the office.

Maybe you shouldn’t wear a Native American chief’s headdress either if you aren’t a band leader, or even a feather… as the garb in these instances aren’t just traditional, they have spiritual meaning.

Just like you aren’t dressing up as a nun or a priest to go out shopping for potato chips.

Women can wear men’s suits, and men can wear a dress... it’s just clothing. It’s just people being people.

There’s no racial finger-pointing intended. There’s no cultural appropriation intended.

It’s just clothing.

I would, however suggest that Japanese kimono makers try and reinvent the wheel a little bit.

I say JAPANESE kimono makers... as I think there are already quite a few non-Japanese fashion designers who have taken up the challenge.

I’m sure there are modern versions of kimono… but mayhap someone needs to make them affordable.

Rather than long trailing kimono… maybe something cut from the knees, trailing down to something below the ankle… and then maybe some new style geta (wooden shoes) that look traditional but feel comfortable.

Tradition shouldn’t have to mean you are rigid.

What’s wrong with honoring the past but in a modern way? It’s not like people aren’t using smart phones rather than writing scrolls and having messengers run and deliver them.

Keep the traditional kimono… it’s a beautiful outfit… long may it continue to be worn... but let’s see something modern… risque… instead of traditional seasonal patterns, what about modern ones?

How awesome is this look?
What about using traditional design elements such as maple leafs, and cherry blossoms, but stitch the graphic in a new, funky art style.

How about creating one in black and white, or red and white - the hell with the same colors and graphic elements stitched in the same style for hundreds of years…

There’s a few ways to do this:
  1. A new modern cut with new modern design elements;
  2. A new modern cut with traditional design elements;
  3. Traditional cut with new modern elements.
I think the kimono could do without the kanji writing, but the floral elements, the belt that is easy to tie, and the fact that you can actually dress yourself are reasons why this outfit is a winner. I said no kanji... what does it say or mean anyway?
Just look at swim suits from 120 years ago, and compare them with what passes for one today. The modern ones don’t necessarily look like you can swim in them, but swim suits they still are.

Create a traditional line for “Coming Of Age Day”, Weddings and Funerals… but also create a line that is easy for a single person to dress themselves (that’s a huge reason for the disinterest in kimono… you need help in dressing in them… and who has that time or person available???)… and make the line of clothing something that a modern woman (Japanese or other) would find comfortable to wear anywhere.

Perhaps creating kimono from less traditional fabric? More breathable…

What a great and stylish look... a little black dress with highlights of a traditional Japanese kimono imagery on the fringe area makes this outfit standout.
I’m not a fashion designer, but I do have an opinion on fashion, even if I don’t have the financial wherewithal to dress in a style I prefer… though to be honest, I’m too old (IE a parent) to care much anymore, other than it should look neat and make me feel comfortable in it.

Rather than keep kimono only as a traditional fashion wear, let’s turn it into a dressy-casual wear where it takes just the wearer to put on… something that can be worn easily at a place of business (office job that doesn’t require a uniform - like a Japanese bank)…

And… for Buddha’s sake, ensure that anyone who wants to wear it can wear it. It’s not cultural insensitivity. At least not for those who think it’s awesome.

It’s cultural admiration.

By the way... obviously there are designers out there creating modern kimono-style outfits. I am still calling for designers to create a modern kimono outfit with style... something the modern woman can put on and wear without having a retainer dress them, and something that should be able to be taken off with less effort than a pair of Jordache jeans.

It is quite possible that this model had to be cut out of her Jordache jeans... which might be fun, but expensive. The jeans were so tight back in the 1970s and early 1980s that women would often have to lie down on a bed and use pliers to try and pull the zipper up.
Banzai,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Oh... and should YOU still feel that someone wearing a dress from YOUR culture who is NOT from your culture is appropriating YOUR culture, rather than be a complete and utter a-hole, how about explaining to them in calm and rational words just why they have offended you. Calling someone a racist because it's a handy word is ignorance. Try educating others as to why you feel wronged. Honey vs vinegar. 

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Wear A Manhole Shirt!


We all know what manhole covers are... big metallic discs that cover up entrance ways into sewer systems or waterways throughout cities the world over.

But some countries, such as Japan and The Netherlands, for example, have taken the humble manhole cover to an artistic new level.

I'm going to let Alicia Quintard take over here... she's working with 47 Regions, a small company looking to have people involved in their Kickstarter program that involves manhole cover artwork and t-shirts. I know... exciting!


Japanese Manholes: Art Under Your Feet

There is so much to see in Japan. You can look up at the skyscrapers of Tokyo, look in the distance to see the peak of Mount Fuji, look on every side of Kyoto's ancient cobble streets. But did you know that there is a whole lot to see right under your feet? 

Japanese manhole covers aren't everyone's idea of typical Japanese art, but they're certainly worth discovering. Creative and unique sewer covers can be found in most of Japan's 809 cities. Each manhole design has been chosen to represent a certain aspect of the area in which it's located, whether that be the environment, the history and traditions, or the people. Some towns even have several different designs in the same city; you can go on your own art tour from street to street! 
From Sapporo
The most elaborate manhole covers are finely details and even colored. The process of decorating them goes back to decades ago, in an effort to make the sewage system more appealing. That's truly an example of finding beauty in even the dirtiest of places! In their essence, Japanese manholes reflect some core values of Japanese culture; cleanliness, attention to details and presentation, and bringing opposing elements together. If you walk around the streets of Tokyo, it is not uncommon to see an old shrine lodged in between big modern buildings. These contradictions are what a lot of today's Japan looks like, and it reflects the rich history of the country. The traditional and the modern coexist, and it's probably one of the reasons why Japan is such an interesting country to visit (and why there is an endless list of things to see).

Along the same lines, Japanese manholes are bringing beauty and dirty together. Tourist and Japanese people alike love to discover the many designs while visiting various regions. The idea of collecting manhole cover pictures is so popular that the Gesuido Koho Platform Group even released manhole cards, not unlike sports cards. Each card contains a picture of the cover design, the geographic coordinates, and an explanation of the design. Since the project launched in April 2016, more than 220 designs from 46 different prefectures in Japan are available for collecting, and more than 1 million cards have been issued to date. The cards are handed out by local city offices.

From Kawaguchiko.
The manhole craze doesn't stop there. People online are dedicating entire blogs to collecting manhole cover pictures, some having gathered around 6,000 pictures! Furthermore, some tour companies even offer bus tours that take people around to see several manhole covers (and collect the cards of course), and there is even a yearly manhole summit open to the public. If these activities aren't your style, don't worry; you won't have any problems encountering your fair share of manhole covers wherever you end up going.

So as you embark on your Japanese adventure, don't forget to look down once in a while. You might see some street art worth seeing and capturing with a picture or two!
Have you fallen in love with Japanese manholes? If so, you are like Kevin and Steven, two Irishmen who have lived in Japan for years. Just recently, they've started their own screen printing company with the motivation of putting the beautiful Japanese manhole covers on t-shirts for the world to see. 

Another manhole cover from Kawaguchiko.
If you're looking to wear your love of Japanese manholes on your chest, 47Regions has got just the project for you. There are currently five (5) designs to choose from, and the t-shirts are available in a wide selection of colors and sizes. If you're interested, please check out the project here: http://kck.st/2BdEvqL. You can also check out @47Regions on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.

-30-

There ya go! I am not being paid for this or being gifted in anything in trade, even though I am an "American" XL. I present this to you because it actually looks like a cool thing, and maybe some of you who like wearing t-shirts would be interested in.

Kanpai,
Andrew Joseph
PS: All images courtesy of 47Regions
PPS: The name 47Regions is, I am sure, derived from the fact that there are 47 prefectures in Japan. Actually, the name is MORE correct, as there are actually 43 prefectures (県 ken) proper, two urban prefectures (府 fu, Osaka and Kyoto), one "circuit" or "territory" (道 , Hokkaido) and one "metropolis" (都 to, Tokyo).

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Japlish T-Shirt




First: If you would like music to read the following blog to, allow me to suggest The Pursuit of Happiness and their song I’m An Adult Now. Play with another tab open so you can listen and hear it at the same time. I think it was filmed on Queen Street West in Toronto where I would hang out on Saturdays. I was 21 when this song came out. 

Okay… pay attention to me.

Take a look at the above photo.

There’s a funny message on he tee-shirt the guy is wearing.

You Guys… I know… I had to look for a while too, because wowsers, is that woman sexy! I didn’t even know there was a guy in the photo. That sexy haircut matches the shape of her face perfectly.

So yeah… guy… shirt… English message. 

I love the fact that the Japanese seem to love the English-language enough that they want to plaster it all over their bodies in the form of tee-shirts.

I myself profess my love of Japan via this blog, but also via tee-shirts covered in Japanese-language writing.

My two shirts are a Jurassic Park version, and one of a kitty angrily attacking city buildings while screaming: Please feed me, I am hungry” and other stuff I haven’t been able to translate.

And that’s the key… I haven’t been able to translate it… but that’s because I can’t.

But the above shirt, worn by Japanese actor Mukai Akira (surname first), should be able to read the English on his shirt, seeing as how all Japanese kids learn English in junior high school and high school, and some even learning it in elementary school.

I mean that they should be able to recognize and read the only 26 letters involved in English (as opposed to the 1,945 or so kanji one needs to be considered literate in Japanese, as well as the 72 letters each in the katakana and hiragana alphabets - all three used by the Japanese.

In other words, there’s a lot of letters for me to get if I was to try and decode my tee-shirt. I’ve done my best in gleaning what I have already gleaned…. I’m reasonably certain that my shirt does NOT contain any Japanese vulgarities, but I can state I am 100% certain.

However, even the most goofy of kids in a junior high school would be able to figure out that the shirt worn by Mukai contains a naughty word.

In case you can’t read it, the shirt says:
Please trust me
I am asshole

First, the shirt is not grammatically correct. It should read: Please trust me (period) I am an asshole (period).

The shirt does NOT need the two periods, because the two phrases are on separate shirt lines. Which is good, for the shirt.

I am unsure if the shirt’s message, however, is meant to me “honest” - as in the wearer is an “asshole” and he wants you to trust him (he’s being honest!!!)

Or, ironic… I’m an asshole… and if you trust me, you would essentially be stupid… I’ll screw ya, because I’m an asshole.

That sort of irony. Or is it sarcasm… fug… I don’t know… I get English, and even understand it, but I usually don’t know why.

All I know is if I were that incredible, stupid pretty woman beside him, I might think that Mukai is being dumb in calling himself and asshole.

Man, she’s gorgeous.  

Second most interesting factoid, is that Mukai actually though that tee-shirt was something appropriate to wear on television. Doesn’t anyone on the tv show recognize that his shirt could be considered in bad taste?

The most interesting fact, however, is that someone actually made that tee-shirt:
Please trust me
I am asshole


That tee-shirt designer and manufacture and seller—which in this case I assume is all the same person, only because I can’t or don’t want to believe there are more complicit individuals—actually thought to his or her self:

(SFX of TV flashback with harp)

T-S designer: “ Hmm… I should create a tee-shirt design today! What shall I write?
Oka-san: “Ryuichi! It’s time for lunch!”
T-S designer: “Okay, Mother. I just need to come up with a tee-shirt message!”
Oka-san: “We’re having Cup Noodle!”
T-S designer: “My favorite… kso… okay: Please trust me/I am asshole.”


Yes, I really do think that that is how Japlish messages are created.

I know… after all, I used to live in my parent’s basement until I left for Japan at the almost age of 26.  

On the outside of my bedroom door I had an Indiana Jones poster that simply read: “Trust Him”… so I kindda get the tee-shirt message.
Man… I can’t stop looking at the woman, who is probably half my age… no wait… that thought just did it. I can stop looking now.



Sigh,
Andrew Joseph
PS: The photo was taken from https://sakamobi.com/news/osamu-t
I used Google Translate to see just what was written about the photo:

俳優の向井理、完全に頭がおかしくなる「信じてください。私はケツの穴です」
(Haiyū no mukai satoshi, kanzen ni atama ga okashiku naru `shinjite kudasai. Watashi wa ketsunoanadesu')
English: Actor Mukai Akira is completely out of order, "Believe me, I am a hole in asss"

Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

 

     

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Inflatable Godzilla Costume

I've just spent my Saturday doing baseball. Coaching a game as an assistant for my son's Peewee house league, and then helping another coach run a try-out for midget (16 & 17-year-olds)... and am mentally exhausted.

Realizing I need to come up with a hot topic for this blog, I of course found one in Godzilla.

I know... you saw the photo above... but what has this to do with baseball.

Absolutely nothing (say it again!).

Believe it or not... what we have here is an inflatable Godzilla costume.

Yup... an inflatable Godzilla costume you can wear... for under $100.

The good folks over at Hot Topic have this fully licensed costume that comes with an attached fan to inflate the costume while you are in it.

I guess it's kind of like those inane Sumo wrestler suits... except this is way cooler because it features Godzilla.

The only downer is that you need 4 AA batteries - which are not included.

It's also made of polyester... instead of muscle and lizard scales, but who cares... it's an inflatable Godzilla costume you can wear. 

I'm unsure if it is something one could utilize in the boudoir, but I'm sure a truly creative person could come up with a way.

To purchase your own inflatable Godzilla costume from Hot Topic - from whom I have purchased a butt-load of geeky, otaku tee shirts - click HERE. Maybe they deliver to your neck of the woods.

Somewhere with an idea,
Andrew Joseph

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Labour / Labor Day - Time To Roll Down The Sleeves

Since yesterday, Monday, September 4, 2017 was the non-communist sounding Labour Day... or Labor Day for you wonderful Americans, here's a little tip.

While we all know you are NOT supposed to wear white after Labour/Labor Day - I think that's stupid.

I think it should just be limited to NOT wearing white pants. There's nothing wrong with a crisp white shirt - something the Japanese will agree with me on.

But white pants? Especially on a guy? Unless you are rocking out to the 1980s stylings of Crockett from Miami Vice, a guy should never wear white pants.

God help me, in the late 1980s I was wearing white pants and sports coat, a turquoise vest (maybe a purple shirt - but that was optional) and Italian loafers sans socks. I was also rocking at least four gold chains... five if I include the one I had around my diamondback rattlesnake cowboy boots that were gold tipped at the toe and heel...

Hmmm... maybe I'm not one to give fashion advice.

Still... that was the 1980s... and it may also explain why I didn't get laid that decade, but unfortunately for me, it only partially explains things.

Anyhow... I don't think white pants are cool anymore.

I know... I had to wear white polyester pants as a head coach on my kid's baseball team this year. White. Polyester. Pants.

Anyhow... while us westerners are not supposed to wear white pants or a shirt after Labour/Labor Day, the Japanese have no such national compulsion.

While I am pretty sure no Japanese businessman outside of an athlete or kid's coach would ever wear white pants, they wear white shirts.

The thing is... they wear white short sleeve shirts UNTIL Labour/Labor Day... and after that... white LONG-sleeve shirts.

It seems sensible enough to me.

Granted the weather in Japan is still quite hot, generally speaking in Japan in September... so they may actually roll up their long-sleeve white shirts... or use a clip to hold up the sleeve... but every male will wear a long-sleeve white shirt.

You will notice that I continued to say "white" shirt.

The white shirt is a custom of most Japanese businesses...except for maybe those cool, younger hip places that will no longer suffer the strict white shirt non-official edict.

While I was in Japan, I stood out like a sore thumb.

Yeah, I was a gaijin... but I refused to dress like the Japanese did... which I found, in the business setting, to be boring and predictable.

While my Japanese co-workers at the schools and Board of Education offices, and City Hall and at the bank, and other salaryman had to wear white shirts, I was parading myself around in blue silk with purple threads or my green silk shirt with red threads (both of which I had made in Singapore, along with black raw silk pants and a red silk sports jacket that in hindsight looked like a car jockey's outfit at a fancy restaurant) that shimmered into different hues as I moved through the light.

Hmmm... not only did I have jeans painted striped in blue, purple and black verticals, I also brought back in 1992 a teal jacket... a then brand new color in Canada and Japan. Please note that that Mighty Ducks movie wear the kid's hockey team wore teal... that came out in October of 1992, so I was either ahead of the fashion curve or a fashion mistake.

The point was I didn't bother with the Japanese tradition of wearing a white shirt... sure I had one, and wore it, but that was because I had to wear one thanks to the limited laundry selection I had in Japan.

Being my size - IE, on the large end of the Japanese scale - it wasn't like I could go out and buy new clothing in my size... and again... I would be limited to their boring color scheme.

I was the type of guy who's pony-tail hairband had to match my shirt color. I suppose I was a metrosexual before that term existed... if it was 100 years later, I suppose I'd have been called a dandy... which isn't as cool as it seems.

So... what was point? Maybe I should or shouldn't be writing about fashion... 

Anyhow... after Labour/Labor Day... in Japan... for the salaryman, it's long sleeve white shirt time until... hmmm... when?

I guess I have a few months to find out... but what's the date six months from now... that would be my guess.

I'll have a bit more tomorrow on Japan, clothing and business attire.

Banzai,
Andrew Joseph

Friday, March 10, 2017

No More Nips

As a fairly normal dude, in my youth I certainly enjoyed spotting the headlights—the erect female nipples poking through from behind the fabric of a shirt—specifically a t-shirt—et al.

The “headlights” are often caused by “excitement”, a bit of a chill, and I have no frickin’ idea what else. I never gave it much thought.

I’m older now, and while I certainly enjoy watching “Penny” from The Big Bang Theory shine on, in the real world the phenomenon doesn’t makes its appearance as much as my memory thinks it did....  much to my chagrin.

I blame it on a) global warming; 2) women having better brassieres or under garments; III) I just don’t excite women anymore.

It’s probably No. 2.

Regardless… one Japanese company has created a t-shirt that will hide those annoying pop-ups from the all-seeing eyes of every pervert in your vicinity.

I can’t tell, but I’m pretty sure that in all of the photos showing the shirt being deployed, a man is wearing the shirt.

Are male headlights an on-going concern in Japan? Are female perverts making all sorts of rude comments and gestures while ogling the useless male public parts?

Nope... no nip-ups on these guys...


The Seisho Shiro T-shirt is available from www.japantrends.com.

Shiro is the Japanese word for “white”… which is usually the culprit when annoying headlights pop up unexpectedly.

I assume Seisho is the company name, but apparently, seisho also means “Formal”… ergo, what we have here is the formal white t-shirt.

The shirt are made in Japan (so don’t worry Mr. Abe, and are made from a 100 per cent organic cotton mix) mixed with what?… if it’s 100%, then it’s all… unless they purposely meant to obfuscate by saying a 100% mix…).

The cotton is apparently sourced from fair and sustainable sources in Uganda, India and the U.S…. you can see how they are made:



The Seiso Shiro T-shirt factory is optimized using the Toyota Sewing System, which is part of the car company’s famously efficient manufacturing process - the implication being that since it follows Toyota’s sewing plan, nothing—neither material, time or effort—is wasted.

And, just because… each t-shirt is manually ironed before shipment to provide a better customer experience.

Don’t you feel better that the Seisho Shiro is ironed? Makes you wonder what’s going on with all the other t-shirts you previously purchased. You know… the ones that show off your pointy nipples.

The Seisho Shiro T-shirt is available in two styles: V-neck and crew-neck, but obviously only in white (hence the name).

Each shirt will set you back ¥9,720 (US $84.64 per today’s exchange rates via www.xe.com).  

Did you know that in Ontario, Canada, women are allowed to go topless - just as a man can  - in public.

That hard-earned right was given some 20 years ago, but sadly, after the initial furor, I’ve not seen a single woman take advantage of it. but, I get it. It’s nice to have the RIGHT to do so, thereby eliminating a previous bias wholly-dependent on gender.

So… being gender-neutral or whatever the term is… if you are embarrassed by having your nipples protrude through your shirt fabric thanks to: global warming not being a real thing; having a crappy bra or undergarment; or the fact that I do excite you, well… perhaps you should seek out the Seisho Shiro T-shirt.

Or if it was the third point, contact me.

Addendum: Days later - no one has contacted me. Dang. 

Cheers,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Oh… I just got my headline. I didn’t mean it any other way than as an affectionate way to relate to the subject of this blog.

Monday, October 31, 2016

Best Sweater Ever

Because it's Halloween today, I figure its best we get on with things involving Christmas.

Above is what I consider to be the best sweater ever.

Seriously! Godzilla wearing a Santa hat 9with white fluffy ball at the end), using his radioactive breath to warm the good citizens of... hmmm... let's say Tokyo...delivering ever-lasting joy (no matter how short-lived that might be) to gaijin everwhere!

"That's for making me work on Christmas day! Kill'em all, God! I mean Gojira... er... Godzilla. Ugh... damn... radi... eh... shun..."

While I certainly don't wish ill on the people of Tokyo, or of any of you suffering from radiation sickness from too much Godzilla/Gojira, I do think this is a great sweater and would certainly be very appreciative if anyone were to buy me one (and even better, send me one). I'm a 48" chest... an XL, I suppose.

Happy ho-ho's everyone... and enjoy your Halloween. 

Kanpai,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Thanks to Michael P. for the heads up!!

Sunday, October 30, 2016

See 40 Years Of Tokyo Fashion In 5-Minute Video

I will be the first to admit that when it comes to fashions… women’s fashion in Japan… especially Tokyo… I have little to zero concept.

About all I knew back in the early 1990s, was that women in Tokyo tended to wear a lot of black, while women In Kobe, Kyoto and Osaka tended to wear more colors, owing to the port activity in the western area, and thus more European fashions hitting the scene, or at least hitting it first.

Tokyoites… they were doing the whole moody U.S. look of black is the new black style.

Me? I like color.

I was pretty clean-cut when I first arrived in Japan. I had grey, and black and navy blue suits that would have fit in completely with male Japanese businessman suit fashion.

I did have paisley ties, however, my holdover from the mid-80s fashion scene from Montreal that picked up on a visit there before it hit Toronto. Obviously paisley was a rebirth from the 1960s, which may have been a rebirth from some other era… Victorian, I want to say… 

I did also have a teal-colored men’s jacket I picked up in 1992 during a visit back to Toronto… just before it became a thing. It was more green than blue type of teal.

I also went to Thailand and designed the style, picked the bolts of silk and made two shirts, dark green with purple threads, and a metallic blue with red threads, a red silk jacket that seemed like a good idea, but ultimately made me look like a valet or waiter at a fancy restaurant, and a pair of black raw silk pants.

I would match my hairband with a main article of clothing - oh yeah, I pierced my left ear and grew my hair out really long, and then grew a French-cut beard.

I even took to wearing an eye-patch long after the two-week need to wear one had passed.

When I wasn't wearing an eyepatch, I wore expensive Rayban sunglasses, a retro 50's look I preferred.

I really had no interest in saving my money. I enjoyed my self and my time in Japan.

Pre-Japan, I was even a male model and graduate of the John Casablanca Modeling Agency. I’m still aces at the Christian Dior turn. I know I don't look the part now... and I wasn't pretty then, but I could walk the walk, and like Johnny Bravo, I fit the suit.

I also owned a pair of diamondback rattlesnake cowboy boots with a gold chain around one of them, and had up to four other gold chains, and a silver ring and a 18-k black star sapphire ring with diamonds that I wore in Japan as the mood struck me. Which, if I recall - was often.

This was the 1990s, okay?  

I was a metrosexual before the term existed. A clothes horse.

I knew what was hot in fashions - often before it hit the mainstream. 

Okay… the eyepatch thing was kindda sad. I also had lousy taste in men’s shoes… or so it seems when looking back with 2016-eyes. It was either a 20/0 vision thing thanks to the eyepatch, or it was simply realizing that my shoes were always just for traveling, and that inside a building I had to switch off to the less comfortable and incredibly gaudy indoor slippers.

As for women’s fashions… while it’s true I used to peruse the retail store catalogues, unfortunately it wasn’t me staring in wonder at women’s fashions, rather it was me ogling the Wonder Bra on various models.

I did know what I liked, and still do. Not a fan of bell bottoms, ripped jeans or even ripped cutoffs. Blue jeans are the best. Not faded. Not acid. Not volcanic stuff you buy… just regular old blue jeans that you wear and legitimately wear out. Those are the sexiest, because you aren’t trying too hard.

I don’t care for ponchos, sarongs and knee-length shorts. Small to medium bags, not oversized. Little to no make-up versus caked-on. Real over fake.

It doesn’t mean I’m right about fashions, merely about what I like.

Today it’s Friday at work, as I write this, and I’m wearing a thin-striped orange and white shirt that looks predominantly orange thanks to the strength of the orange.  Blue jeans - faded, torn at the heels… lived in. I’, wearing brown dress shoes that are soft, slip-ons, that look like they could be casual or dressy. Black belt (always, for me… pretty  much every day of my life, with the exception of the time I had a reddish brown belt I would wear with my khaki pants in Japan), grey sports socks, and boxer-briefs, because I’m sure someone might wonder, since I’m being so honest.

I really do like yoga pants… on women. I don’t like spandex, lamé, rhinestones (well… not too much on clothing), dislike flags on clothing (it seems disrespectful to sit on a flag, eh, or have it cradling your junk or cushioning your butt).

When it comes to music by the decade, I respect the leather jacket, white shirt blue jeans of the 1950s, the psychedelic clothing of the late 60s, and the thin leather ties of the early 1980s. The rest… .meh. It doesn’t mean I didn’t want a pair of killer platform shoes with a goldfish in them, or some thigh-high KISS army boots, or didn’t appreciate the bandanas of well… pick a person.

Incense And Peppermints... you can taste the colors... it tastes like time, man. Don't take the brown acid, mannnnnnn. It's okay if you did, though because no one died from it at Woodstock. Were we at Woodstock-ock-ock-ock? If you can remember, you weren't really there, man.
All I know is that I had a Beatles haircut for ages, loved paisley and wanted to decorate my room like the cover of a The Strawberry Alarm Clock album cover when I was 13 and my mother was going to let me. I even wore silk pajamas… which you should never wear when you also have silk sheets.

You slide right to the base of the bed.

Oh yeah… don’t tuck your sheets in at the base, or your muffled cries for help will go unnoticed for hours.

Anyhow, without much further ado—what sort of writer would I be if I didn’t write?—here’s a five-minute music video from apparel brand Beams featuring 40 years of Tokyo fashion and music culture.

Models are female model Komatsu Nana (surname first) and actor Ikematsu Sosuke (surname first).

Video soundtrack is a bunch of (27) Japanese musicians I do not know such as: Hatsune Miku, Maki Nomiya, tofubeats and Chisato Moritaka—in various musical stylings, performing the song “Scha Dara Parr” (“Tonight is Boogie Back (smooth rap)”.

How the fug the translation of the song title is in screwed up English, I don’t know… but it is.

Enjoy the video:



Kanpai,
Andrew Joseph

Thursday, October 29, 2015

The Mewgaroo - Japanese Fashion Statement

On the outset, the Mewgaroo hoodie looks absolutely ridiculous.

A combination of cat (mew, it says) and kangaroo (which according to my my old Japanese English book used to teach Grade 7 junior high school kids, means "I don't know" in reference to what the name of that hopping marsupial was called when asked by Captain Cook), the Mewgaroo is apparently a comfortable overcoat  featuring over-sized sleeves with thumbholes looking like paws with claws, and hood caps that look like ears, and… most importantly… possess a cat or small dog-sized pouch (the kangaroo thing, again) that the wearer can place their precocious pet in while the owner walks around town and pretends to be oblivious to the knowing stares of every person they pass on the street.

Whew! That was a long sentence.

The pet-pouch is fleece-lined, so those always shivering little dogs will not be so hard put out.  

According to the name of the clothing item, however, it is a cat carrier.

While I DO now own a cat (first one of four ever) that would not mind being carried in the Mewgaroo pouch, his 15 pound weight would at least permit me the opportunity to walk around as though I was pregnant with the offspring of some unholy union. So…. kewl!

Now I am unsure if this Mewgaroo is actually for outside use. I mean, I am pretty sure that a tiny shivering dog might stay, but outside of my own new human-dependent cat, Dante (still not sure of the name), I would figure most cats would attempt to get the hell out of the pouch and run into traffic to be killed by an old Japanese man riding with splayed legs upon his over-sized bicycle.

Now, because Japanese homes in areas not considered tropical, are not well insulated and are leaky and drafty prompting the use of semi-dangerous indoor kerosene heaters, utilizing a kotatsu like gal-pal Alice wants is great when you are stretched out in the living room.

But elsewhere around the house, the Mewgaroo could be useful as a provider of warmth to the human, and as some confusing giant cat to your pet.

The thing is, does your pet then need to sit in the Mewgaroo pouch for warmth when it could just crawl under some blankets and baste under the kotatsu?

Yeah, yeah… some cats (like Dante) just like to bask in the hellishly warm body of their owners for that whole proximity thing.

Oh well…

Holy crap! That looks like Dante!
The Mewgaroo is washable, so when your tiny puppy whizzes in your pouch, you don't have to come up with some excuse to explain the urine smell. Heck… even I can't come up with a good excuse. And this is ME!

As well, the pouch itself is removable for separate cleaning and even de-furring or de-hairing as the case may be.

Right now the Mewgaroo is a Japanese thing, but I suppose if enough of you tiny dog owners who don't mind being eye humped by four-legged creatures care, I'm sure it will be making its way to parts unknown that you call home soon enough.

If you are in Japan, and you don't give a crap what I say - and why the heck should you?! Your opinion is what matters, not some dumb blog writer who wishes he had the balls to purchase and wear one of these things - you can order one from Amazon.jp, Rakuten Ichiba, or Yahoo! Shopping Japan

What the heck, eh? I'm sure there are plenty of ways in which the Mewgaroo - sans critter - could be used in some bizarre sexual fantasy game.

Thank you, FFF, for the heads up on this very interesting bit of Japanese fashion.

Kanpai,
Andrew Joseph
That's a lot of cat stories this past week. I was also rushed when I found out that the work dinner I was going to on Thursday night also included a seminar I had to attend in the afternoon. I should never write these things in 15 minutes.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Hello Kitty Dresses For Women

As you can see from the images here, there are such things as Hello Kitty dresses.

I wouldn't bother to comment on this at all, except for the fact that these aren't kid's dresses, but are instead Women's dresses.

Is it sexist of me to wonder aloud about the type of woman who would proudly wear her Hello Kitty dress out in the park?

Okay... I actually have no idea where one would wear such an evening gown... the Prom? I don't think they have Proms in Japan... so where the heck would one wear this? To a wedding? These are purported to be wedding dresses... Dude... what are you getting yourself into?

I, myself, have a few T-shirts replete with comic book characters on them: Three various Green lantern logos (Rage, Greed and Death); a (multiples, actually) Strange Fun Comics logo featuring the Death Tarot card - it shows off the independent comic book company I used to co-run; have one with various Homer Simpson talking heads re: pork products and salad; and a collared shirt featuring a mishmash of 1960s and 70s Marvel Comics characters. Sassy, but classy. Not.

Am I sexist, in this regard? I don't want to be. It's why i bring the point up for all to see.

My shirts are tee-shirts, and certainly the collared shirt isn't one I would wear at any other time except on the weekend or after work… but would a woman where her Hello Kitty dress any other way also?

I know I'm immature… or ahead of the curve, if you will.

I've been a comic book fan since the 1970s and have amassed a 35,000-piece collection. I've also published some 25 stories in 14 different comic books.

I'm a nerd and a geek. Meaning I've made money doing nerdy things. Actually, I'm a piss-poor geek, as I probably lost money publishing the comic books - but whatever! Somewhere out there in the great State of Illinois, people purchased my might works and trembled at its awesomeness.

Obviously I just write the stuff - I can't draw - not even a gun even though I learned the martial arts. Lots of word play in that sentence.

So… despite my initial chagrin at seeing a Hello Kitty dress for women - should I be surprised?

Hello Kitty isn't just a kiddie phenomenon or a Japanese one—it's a global one that adults have also obviously embraced…

I'm just not sure I would want to rip/remove/unzip a Hello Kitty dress off a woman… it just would feel dangerously wrong.

They are rather pretty, however.

Kanpai,
Andrew Joseph

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Breaking Barriers One Photo At A Time

Over at www.Kotaku.com, Brian Ashcraft has written an article that shows how Japan's fashion industry seems to be thumbing its collective nose at long-standing Japanese traditions of manners OR that it is attempting to bring Japan kicking and screaming into the 20th century.

No… not the 21st century… the 20th century. One has to start someplace.

Anyhow, click HERE to read the article and to learn the impracticality of taking on Japanese tradition and hoping for anything more than shock-value.

As an aside, you can read about my first entrance into a Japanese home, and how I  committed the very same faux pas 25 years earlier. Here's FASHIONNNN as ably supported as I am by Alice who sent me the article.

Kanpai,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Image above: by Christian Louboutin via 2ch
While I think the shoes actually do go with the kimono-style dress, I find it intriguing that the woman has her wrists bound to her ankles in a way I had not thought of before. Naughty robot. 
 

Friday, September 4, 2015

Japan's New Stretchy Shoes

I'm the type of guy who has been accused of being someone with more than a casual interest in women's feet—though that isn't true. I'm pretty much a total package kindda guy.

But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate how a fine pair of shoes can turn a pretty ankle into something spectacular.

This is not a story about shoes like that.

It is, however, about a funky new TYPE of shoe that is borrowed heavily from Japan's fashionable past.

This is the Furoshiki shoe… a wraparound footwear designed by Japan's Hashimoto Masaya (surname first) for the Italian shoe brand Vibram, and based upon the old Japanese practice of wrapping one's foot in cloth, as protection from the elements.

The new Furoshiki shoe is durable, comes in multi-sizes, and apparently provides the foot with comfort, as the ergonomic bands wrap around the ankle proving free movement.
Jeans-colored. I suppose... usually by the time my jeans fade to that color I've popped a hole in some embarrassing spot and can't wear them outside the house.
In other words, it feels like a sock… or a shoe… only not as bulky.

I don't know about you, while I love the way a shoe can look on a woman. However, I have always though that when it comes to high heels for women I am pretty damn sure they are being created by men who hate women. For reference, look up comedian Steve Martin's book Cruel Shoes from 1977.

Feet wrapped in high fashion, to be sure, but placed at such angles—strange angels that prior to their demented invention had no counterparts on Earth (to paraphrase horror writer H.P. Lovecraft).

It's as though in order for a woman to have a comfortable shoe, it had to give up all pretensions to fashion (i'm talking about crap like Crocs…  a comfortable shoe, I'm told, but they look like shoes a two-year-old might wear while splashing in a mud puddle).

But that, dear friends, is where the Furoshiki shoe comes to the rescue.

It looks pretty damn good! Yeah, it's not as sexy as this:

Oh!@ I love that basket!
... but it's not bad. See below:

There are three sizes (small, medium and large) that will fit a wide range of hoof, I mean foot size. Sorry, I channeled my inner Al Bundy there for a moment. Sorry… I am a more modern family guy.
Three sizes only, because the shoe stretches.

As well as the size options, there are five colors: aqua, black, violet, pearl (orange) and jeans…. I assume bluejeans.

As you can see from the accompanying photos, it has a square toe which doesn't look very sexy, but probably provides a bit of protection to those delicate toots should you accidentally stub yourself.

But really... how does it look? These images don't really show how it would look against various casual wear.

Is it just for women? Could it possibly come in a version that looks more masculine? Maybe without all the color?

Also very important is: will your feet smell when you take them off?

I recall dating a woman who used to wear thigh-high red leather boots for work (use your imagination as to what her profession was). When she was able to unlace and pull those bad boys off, her feet reeked. If she didn't require a scrubbing after work, she certainly did thanks to those boots. 

Will the Furoshiki catch on? Perhaps if someone famous wears it, but honestly… it's not that bad-looking, but really… since it's not eye-catching in that 'sexy-good' way, the real question is whether or not it's comfortable.

I would also like to know if it maintains its traction in wet weather and if it makes any annoying sort of sound like those god-awful flip-flops. You ever heard those in a subways station? Fuuuuug.

Somewhere with my tongue hanging out,
Andrew "I've got a million of' 'em" Joseph

Thursday, December 12, 2013

Ready-Made Camel Toe Panties

This isn't new, but a few years ago - back in 2008 - some Japanese underwear company thought it would be cool to produce a pair of 'party pants' … featuring what is undeniably a camel toe.

Hopefully you all know what a camel toe is. (Sigh)… okay, the camel toe is a slang term for shape a woman's vaginal area takes as seen through a pair of very tight, form fitting clothing. It is, depending on your point of view, exciting and sexy or embarrassing or teasing and sexy.   

Now, as I have been, and hopeful always will be someone who is keenly aware of sex and sexy, the Party Pants is a revelation.

Like a good brassiere, the Party Pants appears to "lift and separate".

If you knew my dating history like I do, you would know I have seen my fair share of legitimate camel toe…

I have to admit, that while it sure is interesting to ACCIDENTALLY spot on a woman who is admittedly wearing tight-fitting pants, but isn't aware of the effect she is creating, to know that a woman is doing it on purpose is not as much as a turn-on, as I thought… now that I am forcing myself to think about it… though I suppose it really all boils down to just who is sporting a camel toe.

Anyway… these are "Party Pants"… though perhaps "Party Panties" would be a better marketing brand name.

So… when are these Party Pants actually usable? When you want to flash your man or would-be man a little glimpse of what he might enjoy later? Sure… I suppose.

You know you could just lift your skirt a little bit and pull on the waistband of your panties to create your own camel toe with your regular panties, right? Creating the action is more of a turn on and actually takes a small bit of work than wearing a pair of fake camel toe panties.

When will the fake crap stop? Perfumes to hide the real pheromone scent? Cosmetics to hide the blemishes and to over-accentuate features. Fake nails. Hair extensions. Boob jobs…

Can't we men just have a real woman? We have nothing against make-up - sure do a touch-up… but can't we get the real you? However you look?

I suppose these camel toe panties are cute, but if you really want to impress a guy with your panties... go ahead... and press'em up inside you, or let your guy do that for you... or don't wear any panties at all. Just be careful where you sit.

I know I'm being gross - or a man - but the camel toe-look used to be a source of embarrassment for the average woman. Why would you purposely create one with these fake camel toe panties? You wouldn't. At least none of the women I used to date would.

Anyhow... they come is assorted styles and colors. The skimpy ones even come with a little curtain that you can wear if you want to hide the toe and then flash it each now and then.

I can only hope these aren't still being made.

Sigh.

I wonder if I'm getting old?
Andrew Joseph

Friday, October 25, 2013

Hoot Mon! Japan Bikes For Tweed

Oh…. that the race of man could ever sink so low.

Despite possessing the awesome Scottish name of Andrew, Scotland has brought a lot of other misanthropic things to the world calling such miserable pastimes as haggis and deep-fried Mars bars as 'food' and making a name for itself as a musical hotbed with its painful drone of the bagpipes…

I do think the country is extremely pretty and its people wonderful - and I certainly do have a thing for Scottish women with their sexy, wee accent.

While Scotland has also exported the pleated kilt skirt as a fashion statement for Catholic teenaged girls and women who think dressing up as one is sexually enticing for their men (you're just encoring men to have pedophile imaginings), it does have a decent history in its innovative inventiveness, giving the world such fare as: tubular steel, coal-gas lighting, condensing steam engine, the screw propeller, the Encyclopedia Britannia, a bunch of math things (yawn), curling, golf, hypodermic syringe and lots more.

It also puts in a claim to fame for having created the Tweed fabric, the pedal bicycle and the pneumatic tire.

So… leave it to Japan to celebrate these last three things with a Tweed Run Tokyo bicycle event, which took place in Tokyo on October 14, 2013.

Featuring about 150 hipster doofuses (doofi? - is that the plural) wearing tweed, they rode around the city as a part of Fashion Week… a spin-off from the original Tweed Run in London, UK which started in 2009.

The Tokyo version began in 2012.
I'm unsure how many blondes were cycling, but a very nice event poster by Mark Fairhurst.

But… why call something a 'Run" when it's a bicycle riding event? And… if it relaters to tweed, do we really want a run in our tweed? I don't get it.

But why Japan? Or should that be Why? Japan??!!

Because whenever there's a chance to dress up in goofy old-fashioned clothing, just like Johnny Depp in damn near every movie role—The Japanese are into it.

While I have no problem with anyone wearing tweed provided they are either going to a Sherlock Holmes costume ball or are female (women have a way of making any fashion look 'good'), I still don't know why anyone would want to wear such an outdated fabric.

What's next, hipster doofuses (doofus'?) Caveman furs?

Well… I suppose people who have no fashion sense (since becoming married) shouldn't throw pillows…
I'm unsure if its the fabric or the design, but even I have to admit that's a chic look.

I must admit that the folks dressed up for the Tweed Run Tokyo do look good. But that's because they are out for an event.And they are hipster doofusites (?).

"It’s so Tokyo, I would say," a participant gayly (the old-fashioned meaning of the word!) muttered to the media. "We are using this traditional fabric in many modern ways. It’s part of the diversity of fashion."

See? Hipster doofusters. No one talks like that in real life.

But using the traditional fabric in many MODERN ways? Just because you wear an old-style fabric in 2013 does not make it modern! Look at the photo above... how modern does it look to you? It looks like it was modern 110 years ago. Hipster Doofusser.

Can people wear this stuff every day in 2013? Would you? If I did—and I know I could pull it off—I would be ridiculed more than I ever was back in high school when I was ugly and my mother dressed me funny. Growing into adulthood and beating the crap out of everyone who ever teased me, I worked out heavily, grew my hair nice and long and became a metrosexual and male lesbian (I LUV women).

I'm a graduate of the John Casablanca Modeling Agency here in Toronto, and even did a few shows… and while I am aware that models aren't suppose to have an opinion regarding the clothes they model, I've grown out of being a model - mostly around my waist.

As a lark, I would wear tweed and partake in an event like this if I know there was a chance to hot on the ladies of Japan. But never in real life.

But maybe that's because I lived in a small town in Japan - and not the big mega-city of Tokyo.

I just have one question… were these hipster doofuseseseses outfitted with these Victorian/Edwardian-era tweed outfits OR did they have these things in their clothes closets next to Sailor Moon COSPLAY costumes?

For the inaccurately named 2013 Tweed Run Tokyo, bicyclists tried not to get their fancy pants caught in the gear chain as they loudly (it has to be loud in those suits) moved leisurely through the streets of Gainmae to Ginza over a two hour or so period.

Sorry you missed it? Fret not. If you are in the Nagoya area on October 26, 2013 - and have something old that a moth would grow large on - wheel your anachronistic ass out and see if you can participate in their 2013 Tweed Run Nagoya.

Somewhere looking up the plural of doofus,
Andrew Joseph
PS: Hmmm... could doofus already be a plural... a plural for dumb fug?
Oh well... I'm going to head to Bedrock... a little town I know where the hipsters go... twitch-twitch.
Click HERE to hear what I'm talking about.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Vice Fairy Confuses Me

My buddy Vince sent me a link to a story - but said to just look at the photo. So I did. I didn't even bother reading the story because well - WTF could anyone tell me that I couldn't figure out?

Well... first off... I should have read the article.

My initial reaction was - okay... why is this kind of hot woman wearing a yukata - outdoor bathrobe - that is part of the Vice Fairy collection?

The what now?

Vice Fairy?

Why would a woman want to wear something like this?

Lots of funny banter evolved between myself and Vince... and then I looked at the photo again...

And then I thought... women don't wear outdoor bathrobes! They wear kimono, and look damn sexy doing it.

So why is this chick wearing a yukata?

Oh for love of god.... is that a man in the ad?

Oh fug... it is. That doesn't make me gay does it? Not that there is anything wrong with that. Actually, there is something wrong with that. I'm not gay, and dislike being fooled by advertising.

Cripes. The only other time I have actually been fooled by a transvestite, was by that lead sinner of Dead or Alive, when I first saw her/him, I thought... okay... that eye-patch is kind of sexy... and while I don;t understand why she has such a deep-voice... OMG!!! In my defence, it was 1985 and people had weird hair.

And then there was that time in Singapore when James and I walked into a disco and saw that we must have hit the jackpot - with all of these sexy, beautiful Singapore women - and not a single guy around... and as soon as we walked in and got a drink, we were swarmed by these beautiful creatures... who dragged us out to the dance floor... I know I smiled at James, and he smiled at me... and we - both manly men who really dig women - smiled and counted our lucky stars that I found the best little bar in the world!

And then I wondered why all of the women had scarves around their throat... and while dancing, I bumped into James and asked him if he thought that was strange. James being younger than me, caught on quickly and while smiling hissed at me that everyone of these women were actually men.

Now... I hate being fooled... James too... so we finished up our dance - and the one after it, drank our drinks, and left much to the anguish of many a Singaporean transvestite. Of course, since none of them were grabby, James and I didn't feel the need to scream in panic, which is why we took our time before leaving.

I also should mention that I was also once hit on my a transvestite here in Toronto, which upset my wife, because she was standing right there - obviously with me - while he was trying to pick me up.

Oh yeah... and when I visited a gay bar in the Rainbow Village of Toronto to watch a comedian friend of mine perform - hi AnneMarie - I was hit on by a gay fellow, who either saw me as that bear he found attractive, or he was just yanking my crank to see if I, the straight guy, would freak out.

He admitted as much to my wife when I went to the washroom (never tap your foot in a stall in a gay joint), and to my credit, I spoiled his fun by trying to set him up with a woman I saw walk by.

So... basically, I'm tired of all of the fun and games and all of this gay banter.

What the fug is a Vice Fairy and why would any man want to purchase anything from that collection? Is it being sold to gay men? Why does that offend me? Can't straight men buy this collection/ Not from one named Vice Fairy!


It's also probably why I refused to like the Canadian rock group Loverboy even though I think they were a rocking good band back in the 1980s. See video above. They also did: Turn Me Loose; Working For The Weekend; Lovin' Every Minute Of It; The Kid Is Hot Tonight.... seriously - any other name, and I would have been a fan. 

Vice Fairy?So I looked at the article... it listed some of the Vice Fairy ads and what their slogans are. The slogans are in English, though I am pretty sure their audience is the young androgynous whatever who looks like David Bowie in the 1970s back when he was Ziggy Stardust. That's the fabulous redhead to the right.

Here are some of the slogans on the ads:
“Things are going elegantly. Elegantly.”
“Let’s just see you enchant me. Let’s test the reaction time of the best yukata there ever was, is or will be.”
“I will show the world all of the manly magic and charm that a man could possibly possess!”
“Come, fear me, want me, tonight too, the hero is mine.”
“Dare I say: This is the ultimate evolution [Vice Fairy].”


The ultimate evolution? Question: Are we not men? I have no idea... apparently I can't tell half the time.

Answer: We are Devo(lution).
 
Cheers
Andrew "Will a real woman please stand up and give me her seat" Joseph
PS: I believe I owe Vince a kick in the throat for sending me that ad in the first place.

Here's a classic song from The Who: Won't Get Fooled Again:
or... if you prefer, in honor of Vince: Boston - More Than  A Feeling:
And of course.. Dead Or Alive: You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)

And, because they first asked the question via vinyl regarding: Are we not men? Devo - Whip It: